hollow just as the pain we share

Alternate title a rampage of kin my ego

ravenous like a wolf devouring the pain we share

hunger far reaching 

a cold blooded stare

reaching deep inside

far beyond the mind

past where my soul lies

and my fading distant cries

wretched open deep within

i shudder for i am its kin

waves of thought are forming

waves of thought are fading away

left dying 

dying 

dying in anguish for this day he shall feed

my unending greed

my undying need

bleeding the source dry

unending 

trickling from remnants

trickling

bleeding

bleeding in sorrow for all is lost but tomorrow

bleeding the source unending

a wave of thought has formed but it is all but gone

gone

drowning in the blood of our guilt unending

drowning  

drowning deep within we are

indulging 

indulging

on the aberration lay bare

imbibing the flesh we share

growl 

growl

heard deep within

we are coming

rending the flesh from reason

drinking deep  deep 

hollowing

hallowing 

the memories

the memories that we share

emptiness unending

ascending

ascending

so that we may rampage

leaving the world bare

hollow hollow

just as the pain we share...

Author's Note

first time i ever wrote any of the songs i come up with in my head just thought this one sounded fitting and at the time i was at the computer usually when i try to write them down i forget right away lucky me !!

Reviews

[Nemophilist Meraki]

That was rather haunting. I very much enjoyed the poem/song. Reading it, I feel like it has so many meanings written into it. What was the meaning you were intending, out of curiosity?

Also, I am enamored by the structure you used. It varies through the whole song, and it makes the whole "story", if you will, that much more fascinating. Some words closer together, or others far apart. I especially liked it where you used just one word each line as if the words themselves were dripping into each other.

Exquisite work and talent.

[Ted Kniffen]

Very good, Chris. Looking beyond the writing, which is very good, I can pick up the musicality of this piece. Not so much a rap, but a dirge, a lament for the death of the wolf. Good write.

[Wølfy]

Not bad. I see you got the whole A-B-A-C kind of rhyming thing going on in some of it.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

thank you even though i have no clue what that is lol

[Wølfy]

A rhyme scheme used in poetry.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

i see but why is it called A-B-A-C ?

[Wølfy]

(A) ravenous like a wolf devouring the pain we [share]

(B) hunger far [reaching]
read more(A) ravenous like a wolf devouring the pain we [share]

(B) hunger far [reaching]

(A) a cold blooded [stare]

(C) reaching deep [inside]

[Wølfy]

(A) ravenous like a wolf devouring the pain we [share]
(B) hunger far [reaching]
(A) a cold blooded [stare]
(C) reaching deep [inside]

[Wølfy]

There we go. Not sure why it cut my comment off...

[Spacebar Clicker]

I can see what you are writing in my head wow soo dark and intriguing

[TheAimlessWanderer]

thank you i am glad that you can appreciate it my rampaging ego.

[iamshadowine]

I totally enjoy reading your poems! It was brilliant!
keep writing :D

[TheAimlessWanderer]

Thank you so much Shadowine i will be sure to keep writing so excited !!
glad you enjoyed it thank you so much for taking the time to read and review it (; !

Chris.

[Nisreen]

Greed is a sin for a reason
It doesnt harm anyone but the human fragile soul
making it ache in needs and wants it no longer is in any form of necessity

it teaches the soul
lack of faith and this is well written

[TheAimlessWanderer]

wow thank you for such a deeply insightful and gripping comment i am glad that these feelings moved you.

Chris

[heylel]

Beautiful as always, Chris! (I hope you don't mind me calling you by name) It's a wonderful mixture of dark and melancholy, and the imagery is fantastic. Honestly, you really have a way with words and I think that if you keep writing, one day you're going to be recognised for it! You're definitely one of my favourite poets here on WritersCafe.org, keep up the great work!

[TheAimlessWanderer]

Oh yes no problem at all it is my name after all lol i am not the best at taking compliments unless hopped up on caffeine but wow thank you so much for these inspiring words honestly i had no idea that that i could feel such emotions from others comments thank you so much for saying something i cannot really live up to at the moment but i hope in time i can say proudly that i am making a difference.

[thaleeyaLuna]

Nice poem. . I love the dark aura it portrays, and the repeating words that add stress to the meanings emphasized. Good job! :)

[TheAimlessWanderer]

Thank you very much glad you enjoyed it
it does not feel complete to me for some reason so i thought i would get some feed back on it any suggestions which you think might have to improve it i am all ears !!

[thaleeyaLuna]

I'm not sure, but if you can, you can add on it some glimpses on the reason of guilt and/or pain. If you'd like that. Just a bit of a background, :)

[TheAimlessWanderer]

well basically it was about my ego invalidating my thoughts and emotions and feeling towards others and a invalidation of all the memories shared together bad at explaining basically ego corrupts my reality so i resist initially but in my effort to resist are consumed by it and hate myself for it not very poetic but it is what it is.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

and i take it on as myself forgot that part

[thaleeyaLuna]

hmm, I see. Or you could add on it a WAY to be able to resist and not be consumed by the negativity. Think about that 'something' like a puzzle piece that would complete the picture. :)

[TheAimlessWanderer]

hmm thank you for your feedback i will really need to ponder this one oh and in case i forgot thank you for taking the time to read and review this and your constant stream of insight.

[thaleeyaLuna]

You're always welcome. :)

[PenguinEmpiress]

This is really incredible, It captures the darkness of people really well - that's how I read it at least. And well done remember the lyrics this time round :D

[TheAimlessWanderer]

yeah i was so excited it almost 100% as soon as i sit down to write down what is in my head just fades away damn overthinking lol

[TheAimlessWanderer]

glad you enjoyed it !

[PenguinEmpiress]

So typical of lyrics! XD

[TheAimlessWanderer]

yeah so true XD