SNOW IN YOUR EYES

10 WORD CONTEST - BREATH, BEHIND, BASEMENT, STEPS, COLLAPSING, CREEPY, FRIGID, NEGLECT, SHIVERING, GUIDING

SNOW IN YOUR EYES

Through the mountains and aphotic shadows she ploughed

Icicles clenched on tree branches like sharp fingernails

the snow was so deep it buried everything

she was lost and isolated in this cold tundra

each BREATH labored in the deep freeze

burdensome on her heaving chest

suddenly she heard a loud thud BEHIND her

her whole body paralyzed with fright she turned slowly

she felt herself slipping and falling into the white abyss

as she struggled to wipe the snow from her face

an old house loomed up 

Is that where the noise came from?

She tried to adjust her vision in the inky blackness

It looked CREEPY

NEGLECT was obvious, paint peeling

one side the main wall was COLLAPSING

dead trees hung their heads lost in the frozen undergrowth

she thought she saw a flickering light

slowly GUIDING her way through this snowed in derelict ruin

her foot hit against something solid

buried BASEMENT STEPS

SHIVERING to the bone

she edged up to the basement window

she stood FRIGID, starring

her mouth dropping to her knees

there was a whole different world looking at her

 behind the frosty window

a huge roaring fireplace

a workshop of some sort

she rubbed her eyes as she couldn’t believe what she saw!

Elves…. Reindeer …

she heard a loud roar 

as an avalanche of snow tumbled off the chimney

she looked up

 the black curtain of the icy sky was drawn open

and golden star dust sprinkled the path of a big red sleigh

Reviews

[SAMBATH P V]

why don't you make a collection and publish it?

[Hebe]

Hi Sambath....Thank you I have been thinking about it :)

[SAMBATH P V]

you should

[.]

I agree with Pete....truly magical.

Some lovely vocabulary used throughout lusciously describing the scenery and creating a child like sense of wonder. I enjoyed the idea of something blanketed in snow and darkness, appearing haunting and decrepit in fact being a haven for warmth and generosity.

Your construction on the page without use of punctuation is an interesting technique; it builds the suspense and quickens the pace of the story. I am not really a fan of ten word contests but your piece hits the mark and does it in outstanding fashion.

Very well written, Hebe.

[Hebe]

Thanks Dooley...appreciate your wonderful review :;)

[Pete]

hi hebe. a magical melodrama you've got here. strong imagery. surprised where you took us at the end, was unexpected. this reads beautifully. snowblinding and spellbinding. would be awesome to visit old St. Nick at the north pole. a very impressive white write. :)

[Hebe]

Hi Pete, sometimes life becomes magical when you least expect it ... thank you for your magical review;)

[Pete]

indeed ...

[Hebe]

It's more about lost hope ...and coming across something unexpected that brings your zest for life back when you least expect it

[genocide]

does this story talk about to appericate chirstmas

[emmajoy]

A great prose-poem wonderfully wrapping the given words, Hebe! Clever and intuitive phrases used either with great care or a sweep of free flowing thoughts. That ending is stunning and the accompanying picture so right for your poem. Brava.. and more!

[Hebe]

Thank you so much Emma for reading it.... i wrote it specific for the contest. I wasn't sure about it ....your review is greatly appreciated:)

[emmajoy]

My absolute pleasure. Tis something to use all the given words, to do so and create beauty takes real skill. x