SNOW IN YOUR EYES

SNOW IN YOUR EYES

A Poem by Hebe
"

10 WORD CONTEST - BREATH, BEHIND, BASEMENT, STEPS, COLLAPSING, CREEPY, FRIGID, NEGLECT, SHIVERING, GUIDING

"




SNOW IN YOUR EYES


Through the mountains and aphotic shadows she ploughed


Icicles clenched on tree branches like sharp fingernails


the snow was so deep it buried everything


she was lost and isolated in this cold tundra


each BREATH labored in the deep freeze


burdensome on her heaving chest


suddenly she heard a loud thud BEHIND her


her whole body paralyzed with fright she turned slowly


she felt herself slipping and falling into the white abyss


as she struggled to wipe the snow from her face


an old house loomed up 


Is that where the noise came from?


She tried to adjust her vision in the inky blackness


It looked CREEPY


NEGLECT was obvious, paint peeling


one side the main wall was COLLAPSING


dead trees hung their heads lost in the frozen undergrowth


she thought she saw a flickering light


slowly GUIDING her way through this snowed in derelict ruin


her foot hit against something solid


buried BASEMENT STEPS


SHIVERING to the bone


she edged up to the basement window


she stood FRIGID, starring


her mouth dropping to her knees


there was a whole different world looking at her


 behind the frosty window


a huge roaring fireplace


a workshop of some sort


she rubbed her eyes as she couldn’t believe what she saw!


Elves…. Reindeer …


she heard a loud roar 


as an avalanche of snow tumbled off the chimney


she looked up


 the black curtain of the icy sky was drawn open


and golden star dust sprinkled the path of a big red sleigh


© 2018 Hebe


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Reviews

why don't you make a collection and publish it?


Posted 2 Years Ago


Hebe

2 Years Ago

Hi Sambath....Thank you I have been thinking about it :)
SAMBATH P V

2 Years Ago

you should
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I agree with Pete....truly magical.

Some lovely vocabulary used throughout lusciously describing the scenery and creating a child like sense of wonder. I enjoyed the idea of something blanketed in snow and darkness, appearing haunting and decrepit in fact being a haven for warmth and generosity.

Your construction on the page without use of punctuation is an interesting technique; it builds the suspense and quickens the pace of the story. I am not really a fan of ten word contests but your piece hits the mark and does it in outstanding fashion.

Very well written, Hebe.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Hebe

2 Years Ago

Thanks Dooley...appreciate your wonderful review :;)
hi hebe. a magical melodrama you've got here. strong imagery. surprised where you took us at the end, was unexpected. this reads beautifully. snowblinding and spellbinding. would be awesome to visit old St. Nick at the north pole. a very impressive white write. :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


Hebe

2 Years Ago

Hi Pete, sometimes life becomes magical when you least expect it ... thank you for your magical revi.. read more
Pete

2 Years Ago

indeed ...
It's more about lost hope ...and coming across something unexpected that brings your zest for life back when you least expect it

Posted 2 Years Ago


does this story talk about to appericate chirstmas

Posted 2 Years Ago


A great prose-poem wonderfully wrapping the given words, Hebe! Clever and intuitive phrases used either with great care or a sweep of free flowing thoughts. That ending is stunning and the accompanying picture so right for your poem. Brava.. and more!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Hebe

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much Emma for reading it.... i wrote it specific for the contest. I wasn't sure about i.. read more
emmajoy

2 Years Ago

My absolute pleasure. Tis something to use all the given words, to do so and create beauty takes r.. read more

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Added on January 17, 2018
Last Updated on February 16, 2018

Author

Hebe
Hebe

NJ



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