The Last Goodbye

The Last Goodbye

A Poem by Daisy



When runnels of water become trickles of sand,

And sorrow chains the fairy wand,

 

When vows and oaths are worthy no more,

And I begin to fear my lore,

 

When the sky roars with thunderous pride,

And doom looms with a harrowing stride,

 

When the body embraces the crust,

And an existence turns to dust,

 

When my dreams repose,

And the tears go dry,

 

When my laughter swoons,

To make me cry,

 

I hear your voice,

I feel your touch,

That bids to me-

That “Last Goodbye”.


© 2016 Daisy


Author's Note

Daisy
Hope You Like It!

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Featured Review

really like this, Daisy...like your use of slant rhyme in spots...

memories of a loved one....as i see it...we relive the life and death of that person over and over.

every fall i think of some friends who never got to bid the last goodbye...but poetically we are allowed...

and you do it so well here.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

4 Years Ago

So true Jacob! I can feel your thoughts. Thank You for this lovely feedback. So glad you liked it :)



Reviews

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Ali
Closures in life are so important. But no matter how hard we try, this is something we can never achieve or perhaps we don't want to. The 'Last Goodbye' is an underlying feeling which just stays with us, not to be spoken.

This piece portrays that to me in a subtle way. Very nicely done. Loved it ! :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

4 Years Ago

I completely second you on that note Ali! Thank you for such an insightful and warm feedback :)
really like this, Daisy...like your use of slant rhyme in spots...

memories of a loved one....as i see it...we relive the life and death of that person over and over.

every fall i think of some friends who never got to bid the last goodbye...but poetically we are allowed...

and you do it so well here.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

4 Years Ago

So true Jacob! I can feel your thoughts. Thank You for this lovely feedback. So glad you liked it :)
I enjoyed this piece ... it really captured the pain of having to say goodbye. The imagery was nice and created a melancholic mood quite well ... I love it when a poet uses imagery to set the tone of the piece. I especially enjoyed the lines "When my laughter swoons / And the tears go dry" ... something about the simplicity and sorrow in those lines struck me.

Along with the emotional aspect, this piece shows considerable skill too. The rhyme and flow seem natural (for the most part) and not forced, which is difficult to achieve, but nonetheless, you've seemingly made this piece "dance" with ease. If I may critique, I think there are some changes you could make to improve the flow. These aren't really shortcomings on the poem itself; they're just things I would've done differently (that you may or may not find beneficial).

For example, I think the phrase "begins to" in the second line should be deleted because it's unnecessary to the meaning and (for me) it disrupts the flow. Also, in the fifth line, I would say "When the GRAY sky roars..." for me, inserting the word "gray" would give this piece a better rhythmical feel.

I would write the fourth stanza as follows:

When the WEAKENED body embraces the crust,
And a FRAIL existence turns to dust,

In my opinion, the words "weakened" and "frail" help to convey the sorrowful mood, and they also benefit the flow.

Hope you found this helpful. Please make changes to this piece at your own judgement.

- William Liston


Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

4 Years Ago

Firstly a heartiest thanks to you William for such a helpful and encouraging review. I appreciate th.. read more
The words flowed along with a lovely dignity and celebration, somehow, of the passing of life and the remembrance of a loved one. Beautifully composed.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

4 Years Ago

Thank You for the kind words Jibey! M so glad you liked it :)
From the photograph to the very last line... I do not believe that I had blinked nor took a single breath while reading this piece, Daisy. Sometimes... Sometimes we stumble upon writing that makes us feel blessed as the reader, instantly struck speechless by the sheer breathtaking talent of other's, when there are no words that can explain ones utter astonishment and praise... And this is one of those times. There are no lines to one by one pluck from this amazing poem as I had completely inhaled each and every word. And simply roar with applause as does the sky with thunderous pride... There is such a finality in with the word 'goodbye', so much that I find that it is a word that I rarely speak as there is always that hope for a 'see ya later'... So the final thought in this had struck me so deeply. Just... Wow!:)

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

4 Years Ago

You made my day with this deeply encouraging review! Only a writer as sensitive as you could come up.. read more
A sad journey to a final goodbye.
"I hear your voice,
I feel your touch,
That bids to me-
That “Last Goodbye”
No goodbye is ever a good one. Thank you Daisy for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

4 Years Ago

Thank You Coyote for your encouraging feedback as always :)
Coyote Poetry

4 Years Ago

Was my pleasure Daisy and you are welcome.
What a lovely presentation this is...the tree letting go of its leaves, as we must let go of life. Such a profound and touching offering, Daisy!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

4 Years Ago

M so glad you liked the analogy. Thank You for this lovely feedback Kelly :)
Beautifully expressed. Sadness permeates the whole poem, but the imagery is highly poetic. An excellent write!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

4 Years Ago

Thank You Robert! Appreciate your valuable feedback :)
Heartbreaking words....such an emotional tribute to one who has passed. The tears do dry, but we remember. Beautifully written. Lydi**

Posted 4 Years Ago


Daisy

4 Years Ago

I second you completely on that Lydia! M glad you liked it. Thanks for this warm feedback :)
A well written piece about the passing of a loved one. The first line is the perfect hook. Good write.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

4 Years Ago

So glad you liked it Ted! Thank You for this warm appreciation :)

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904 Views
12 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on September 15, 2016
Last Updated on September 21, 2016
Tags: #Life #Loss #Pain #GoodByes

Author

Daisy
Daisy

India



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