The Forgotten Lanes

The Forgotten Lanes

A Poem by Daisy
"

We all reside somewhere between love and betrayal..in the forgotten lanes of life that still exists but hidden in silence.

"


She resides in the forgotten lanes--

Of what could be but still couldn’t.

Torn between the love and betrayal,

Of a man who is her’s but still isn’t.

 

She thought she knew, who he was,

Believed his words and embraced his flaws,

She soaked her heart,

It melted in his eyes.

Little did she knew, she was drowning in his lies.

 

And between--

All that she lost and all that she got,

Was a love he promised and then forgot.

Now, in her mirth her woes will cry,

But he will never know until her tears go dry,

Her mind is choked, her heart in violence,

Yet she kissed him, in her seductive silence.

 

And the pathos of love rose above the noise,

He made her his option while she made him her voice.

It was time she knew, she had to turn her back,

So one last look!

And she left him like a choice.

© 2017 Daisy


Author's Note

Daisy
Back after a really long time! Hope you like it :)

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Featured Review

Critique: (She thought she knew,who he was) there should be a space between the comma and who - She thought she knew, who he was
(Little did she knew,she was drowning in his lies.) the same here between the comma and she - Little did she knew, she was drowning in his lies.
(And she left him like a choice.) not sure about the wording of this line, I'm not sure of your meaning.

Review: The emotion of this is outstanding and your rhyme scheme empowers your work. That last line still troubles me maybe (and leaving him was her only choice) just a suggestion. Standing Ovation! I give it five out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Glad! It is good to see you back in the 101 my friend.




Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Daisy

3 Years Ago

Great to hear from you after a long time!
A well pointed critique. Thank you !
Will ed.. read more



Reviews

Very interesting poetic read - I felt the love/hate relationship energy of passion tinged with doubt! Almost felt like a one night stand turned into too many days .. if that makes sense to you? Great write … :-)

Posted 2 Years Ago


Wow. This is absolutely incredible. I can really feel the emotions throughout the writing. I love it

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much Sophia! M so glad you liked it .. :)
"And the pathos of love rose above the noise,
he made her his option while she made him her voice."

The obliterating pain is ineffable, but you rose above it, and that takes a lot of backbone.

Welcome back, Daisy...with much applause!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

3 Years Ago

Thank You Kelly for such a warm welcome and a lovely feedback :)
So good to hear from you aft.. read more
"she left him like a choice"
ah yes...good for her...no more being used...and he will regret not having what he once did as soon as he realizes how good she was, and how stupid and selfish he was.

j.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

3 Years Ago

Thank You J. not just for this lovely review but also your understanding of the underlying emotion :.. read more
Dear Daisy, a emotional ride in your words.
"And between--
All that she lost and all that she got,
Was a love he promised and then forgot.
Now, in her mirth her woes will cry,
But he will never know until her tears go dry,
Her mind is choked, her heart in violence,
Yet she kissed him, in her seductive silence."
I liked the above lines. When we learn. Love is known by one only. A lonely place to find. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Daisy

3 Years Ago

Thank You for this insightful review John.
And yes I completely resonate with your thoughts... read more
Coyote Poetry

3 Years Ago

You are right and you are welcome.
I liked it a lot daisy...kind of like reading some kind of similar story which I want to share..... very glad to see you back :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much Ria..I am so glad you could relate!
Good to hear from you after a long time.. read more
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Ali
Very carefully written. One could see the journey here, rising from the depths of dissapointment to embrace the inevitable goodbye.
Beautifully done again. :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Daisy

3 Years Ago

Thank you for the warm feedback! Much appreciated :)
Critique: (She thought she knew,who he was) there should be a space between the comma and who - She thought she knew, who he was
(Little did she knew,she was drowning in his lies.) the same here between the comma and she - Little did she knew, she was drowning in his lies.
(And she left him like a choice.) not sure about the wording of this line, I'm not sure of your meaning.

Review: The emotion of this is outstanding and your rhyme scheme empowers your work. That last line still troubles me maybe (and leaving him was her only choice) just a suggestion. Standing Ovation! I give it five out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Glad! It is good to see you back in the 101 my friend.




Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Daisy

3 Years Ago

Great to hear from you after a long time!
A well pointed critique. Thank you !
Will ed.. read more

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Added on March 17, 2017
Last Updated on March 17, 2017

Author

Daisy
Daisy

India



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