Half Empty or Half Full

In my childhood, I thought that the luckiest child is the one who had many games, so I started collecting things. Even in school our teachers educated us about how to acquire knowledge and skills in order to have good grades and they assessed us to find out who was the first-rate student in the class.

My first goal was getting a degree to work in a company or anywhere else that allowed me to use my knowledge and my skills.

After getting a job, when we worked on projects, my manager always urged me to finish quickly before our deadline. He told me that we should not waste time in creating new ideas. But we had got to focus on finishing the project since we had to start another new one. I was astounded by the way in which people worked at the engineering company; aiming for the one thing which was more important than anything else, how to earn a lot of money quickly.

I said to myself maybe the smartest is he who earns a huge amount of money that’s why number one in the world is the richest person and his profile is splattered all over the magazines of the world.

I felt a huge emptiness in my soul. My perspective was changed. I set another life goal; I had to set up my own company to be able to start working on my own terms.

Later, I was disappointed because I found that the majority of my customers didn’t care about creativity and their needs were simpler than I imagined. So I had to accept many projects just in order to pay my bills.

It’s rare to find a customer that assesses the value of creativity and doesn’t talk about the amount of money that he will have to pay in the end.

After working hard for many years, I felt boredom and a hole in my heart, again. I said to myself maybe I should fill this hole by getting married.

I got married, after two years I felt the same apathy. I said to myself can we imagine a married couple without children who would increase our happiness! So we decided to have children but after many years I felt the same feeling of the boredom again.

My life consisted of having a job, a wife, children….. Why did I still feel this emptiness in my soul, even though I had achieved all my life goals?

I asked my wife that worked in science about this emptiness. She told me nowadays scientists have discovered that there is no emptiness even in space since even the earth is stood on the black matter, not in an empty space.

The constituents of each object in the universe are atoms. Inside each atom, we find protons, neutron, and electrons. Inside each proton, we find quarks. Inside the quarks, we find a dancing filament of energy. These filaments vibrate at different frequencies. The different frequencies produce the different particles. The different particles are responsible for all objects in this world around us. Each object in this universe has one type of vibration different from another. Even Earth wraps and curves space around it.

I said to her that she had told me about ‘matter’. I’m not created only by the material. My body has a soul. Could she describe to me how this is?

She watched me, mouth wide open, dumbfounded. She never had thought about it before. Is there an atom in this magic soul? The human being created all things on this earth from some things, but they are not able to create an insect as tiny as an ant that has a soul, never.

After thirty years of hard work, I retired from my job. As a result, I lost my first goal linked to my happiness, my job. Then, my children moved to a country far away to settle down with their own families. My wife couldn’t stand the thought to be away of her children. So she left me alone in our big family house after I gave her my blessing.

The hole of my emptiness became bigger and huger. Sometimes I would call my best friend to talk about our memories. Though I lost him this year all of sudden, he got a life-threatening disease. So, I missed the last person that could have given me joy. It seems hard to off this hollowness inside me without a best friend beside me.

My life has become useless. I live in a big city, a big house that has trapped me in my loneliness. I have lost my happiness since it has always been related to things like houses, cars….and people like my wife, children, and friends…

 

 

 

The trauma of losing all these things around me, which were based in materialism, getting all I can, having a ton of things, looking good, having a good lifestyle… having it all! In the best possible this way of life has now pushed me to relate my future happiness to a sustainable solution.

I always used to live in a material world, dreaming of the things I could get before getting them. But as soon as I got them, I would always lose this feeling of happiness and satisfaction. Then I thought about setting sustainable and unreachable goals in order to be able to live the rest of my life in constant need of the ever unattainable. It’s what decided I need in order to revive my soul. I’m still striving to work and live happily to satisfy my loneliness.

My current goal is different. It’s related to my God; He that never disappears. Everyone needs Him. However, He needs nothing and no person, no one. I definitely believe that He is truly unlike anything else.

The truth of my happiness has changed since I started to relate it to the One that is never away of me. I need to His help in order to destroy this apathy which is killing me every day.

After doing much research, I am convinced that one God and only one, no other else created my soul. So He is only one and no other is able to teach me how I can fill this hole and destroy the boredom and the emptiness in it since He is the creator of it.  

By asking Him every day I could fill my emptiness with His love. His loneliness urges me to be alone with Him. Not only does He have no children, no father but He also has no needs at all, whereas, He gives everything to me. How Can I try to be like Him? Giving everything I have to others?

I asked composers of music, artists, and scientists….how come they are happier than others. I figure out that they wanted to be alone in order to enter into this ecstatic state that allowed them to achieve their deeds in the best way. They don’t even feel tiredness or hunger. Their bodies disappear from their consciousness since they have to really do their job well and that requires a lot of concentration. Their job is a worth doing and it’s the treasures that they create from their work that made their lives meaningful since they expected neither to be famous nor to be rich.

 

I understand that my happiness should be based on giving time, knowledge….but I’ve got to give it as an artist. Each person has one secret, one thing that he likes to do more than anything else; one thing which every person uses all his ability, his talent, his influence, his potential to do. I try to share it with others, so I can feel a sensation of excitement that I never have before.

 

Not only have I decided to give my skills to others but also to commit myself to donate all my money and each filament of energy in my body after I die to others, in order to either make them happier or to help them survive by giving them my organs.

One day I read about one organization in our community that works on social issues. I decided to participate in the group as soon as I knew the president of it who was a feisty, fierce and vivacious person. I started meeting some people and prepared courses for them. At first, I felt joy when one of my students asked me an in depth question about my lesson. I started to give my time and my knowledge to others, so I immediately got feedback, my soul was covered and filled by their smiles that brightened my day. People tell me that my face shines like a full white moon. So I am sure I have touched a deep amazing emotion so purely and softly, which has made my working day unfold a whole lot easier.

I have tasted the roots of this strange feeling and I have gotten rid of the emptiness. That was an emotion which used to guide me through my life as I attempted to fill myself with happiness but no more.

The truth of my happiness that I had been looking for, I have realized, is something created within me, whether through sharing or giving something to someone or not. In the end, I haven’t found emptiness in my soul and I’m sure that it neither exists in space nor in my soul as well.

Now, my heart is filled with a great joy based on helping others and my soul is ecstatically elated when all my thoughts, body, and mind are giving deliberately to fill other hearts and souls.

 

©2015 Abderrahmane Dakir

Reviews

[jesserose99]

I really enjoyed this...what is the nature of the soul...the scientist doesn't know so you go 'on the road to find out'. What lovely thoughts. They say do what you love and the money will follow, and I look at that differently then monetary, because I do what I love...and the money hasn't followed, but richness has, wealth has. Your search was an entertaining one to read and a relatable one, people think you must do the things you have done on your search to find happiness, when true happiness, I believe lies in expression of the soul, no matter what that is.
Your question posed to science of what makes up the soul if the whole of existence is made of things is brilliant..because what does science 'know' really of what is unknown existing in the space of what is known. Well done Abderrahmane

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

I'm amazing from this wonderful comment. I like it so much. Thank you so much for reading.

[Davy]

Para: 1 - moving to Para 2: Maybe round out paragraph 1 with a more complete description of finishing school - before moving on to work.

Eg... Para 2: Once I started work - my first goal.....

Earning money - YEP - I know that feeling (priorities)

Is THIS all life has to offer? ;-)

The message - 'a soul'?

in-depth - hyphenated

I like the idea of mapping one man's search for the 'meaning of life'...... The message is timeless in that regard. As a 'short story' I guess it works - but it comes across more as a monologue - (Which I quite like indulging in myself at times)

As a piece of writing there is probably much you can do to polish it - and knock off rough lumps. Is this a first draft? I go over and over my writing - often deleting or rewriting sections that don't 'read smoothly' - think about 'who' you are writing for (your audience).

I enjoyed the read - thanks...

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[ReadsAtDances]

Very interesting story! The nature of the soul is something that is very intriguing, and something that I doubt we will ever fully understand here on earth. This story really reminded me how important it is to live for other people, since that leads to more happiness than any material thing can offer. Comparing the lack of emptiness in space and in our souls was also a very interesting and lovely image. Thanks for the story!

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Dawn Dreamer]

Wauw, this is just beautiful. This hit me straight in the soul, it really did. Well done, well done!

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Bacchus]

Yes! There is a Creator who wants us to create just like Him. He doesn't need us, but oh Jesus, we need Him. Thank you for this encouragement today!

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful and amazing story and I agree with the wisdom learn.
"Now, my heart is filled with a great joy based on helping others and my soul is ecstatically elated when all my thoughts, body, and mind are giving deliberately to fill other hearts and souls."
When we learn. We are not so important and the kindness, concern and love shared. Is the balance of life to make a person complete. Thank you for sharing the outstanding story.
Coyote

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for your awsome comment.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[J.A. Darling]

Very moving story. One that I think many of us can relate to. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Lavorther]

Great story that transitions from a view of how the world works to a religious one. The story flowed pretty well, and it was easy to read. You certainly know how to tell an interesting story.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Peter Rogerson]

Thank you for inviting me to read your interesting first person narrative. You explore the emotiness we canall feel from time to time very well.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[unfathomd]

Oh my goodness!!! Cool!! Splendid! :D simple story.. powerful lines :D

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.