dancing hands

Finger tips over finger tips

Curiousity plays

Her fingers gliding over mine

Tingling sensations

To my cold numb body

Shes more sensual than I thought

Fingers interlocking

Shes feeling me more ways than one

Musics playing each instrument is free spirited, and a lightening strike to your bloodstream

In sync, neither of us blink

We're in a trance...dance, dance, dancing hands

Author's Note

help on grammar? critique welcome. thx for reading.

Reviews

[just rose.]

Ok, critique? Here you go.

One, the grammar doesn't matter so much. Your voice is your voice and poetry is designed to be free of all that. I see a couple of missing apostrophe, a question of whether a word should be than or then, one spelling mistake, and that's it. You could argue that it's stylistic if that's the way you want to write.

Two, this is the best line and I wish you would write another poem using as the first line:

Shes more sensual then I thought

If you say "then I thought," it means you thought that after "she's more sensual." If you say "than I thought," which is what I think you meant to say, you're making a comparison. Both possibilities are extremely interesting just from juxtaposing that single word.

The reason this is the strongest line is because it raises an area of surprise or interest for the reader that draws us into the dance from the very first line. It's gorgeous and compelling. I like the physicality of the rest of the poem. I like the way you use hands to represent the rest of the dance.

I wonder why your narrator's body is cold and numb here - do you want to suggest the possibility of heat and awakening from the encounter? If so, it works. If not, you might want to try something a little less jarring.

Another very successful aspect of this is the repetition, the trancy use of finger tips over finger tips ... dance, dance, dancing.

I can definitely understand the "tingling sensations "to my cold numb body" it speaks to me in a way I have never experienced. I truly enjoyed the fact that your use of musical instruments being free spirited and the "trance...dance, dance, dancing hands.", as that is how I perceive the music and the use of ones hand to caress an instrument

[the in between]

This was a beautfiul perspective of physical communication. Periods are needed some places but yeah like Just Rose said, they don't really matter if thats the way you wanted it written. Not blinking? haha I picture you and the other person hypnotized or something like that. I like that line though stood out to me and the ending reminds me of a red hot chili peppers song. I suggest a setting to picture more of where this is taking place. Awesome job though :)