Chapter 1:Z

CHAPTER 1

It was a average day on the planet Zerk in the year 2179.The bloodbot leader Gorvathon was planning a brilliant attack on planet earth. Zerk was a planet ran by bloodbot forces. They were the rivals of planet Earth. Let me go ahead and tell you the story.

It all began with general Nyx. Back in 2137 though he was not a general. He was only a scientist trying to invent a robot that could operate on its own. He had tried creating robots that ran off of gasoline, electricity, and water. But, they all failed because they had to be filled up or plugged in by humans daily. Finally after 3 years of planning, crafting, and destroying , Nyx came up with a robot than ran off of blood. He had actually made it by an accident. Nyx had been planning a robot that was operated by water. He cut himself while working . As he was shaking the blood off of his hand , a droplet of it fell into the tubes where the water should have flown through the robot.

Just then, the robot stood up and said “hello master”. But that was all before the robot fell over and lost all power.

Nyx was so amazed that he just stood there, Jaw hanging wide open. He had just began a new age of technology.

After the initial discovery of a blood operated robot, Nyx experimented with it. He was so proud of it that he went to show it to the chief of inventions .The chief at that time was a new chief by the name of Deglian. Deglian was a tall American with a black mustache and a brown ponytail. He was normally not very satisfied with peoples inventions but however when Nyx brought in the bloodbot, Deglian was very surprised and pleased with how well it operated.

Deglian said “Nyx, I’m very proud of you, hows about I pay you $100 per bloodbot you create.”

In shock of how much good he had done from a simple mistake, Nyx yelled” You got yourself a deal”

Reviews

[Jack Isaac]

I love this story! If only I could get my computer to work as good as a bloodbot I'd gladly pay way more than $100! Your intro is excellent, draws the reader in, and keeps good attention to the storyline. I'd say this story is running smoothly as a blodbot. Nice work. And now for the next...

[Evelyn Storm]

Wow! What a cool idea for a story. These were the type of stories I read when I was your age. I love sci-fi/fantasy adventure stories. Keep writing!

[Xerclipse]

Besides the grammatical errors, the idea is really great. I bet you would like my story "Gersche and The Watch".

[Wendy Seames Garner]

Great story inferno! You are only eleven? I think my eleven year old grandson would love your story. By the way, I think I would ask for more than $100 for those bloodbots, at least a $100,00 each. Just a couple of points to correct:

1."Finally after 3 years of planning, crafting, and destroying ," (there is a space before your comma.)
2. "He cut himself while working . As he was shaking the blood off of his hand ," (there is an extra space before your period and again before the comma)
3. "Just then, the robot stood up and said “hello master”. " (and said, "Hello, master.")
4. "he just stood there, Jaw hanging wide open." (stood there, jaw)
5. "show it to the chief of inventions ." (again an extra space before the period)
6. "He was normally not very satisfied with peoples inventions but however when Nyx brought in the bloodbot," (I would change the wording around - He was not normally satisfied with people's inventions, however when Nyx brought int the bloodbot,)
7. “Nyx, I’m very proud of you, hows about I pay you $100 per bloodbot you create.” (create?")