Undressing Forever

Undressing Forever

A Poem by Dana Alsamsam

we were the couple slow dancing in the parking lot to Frank Sinatra’s “Songs For Swingin’ Lovers." we were the couple that made the elderly home hum with nostalgic smiles in the presence of whimsical, young love. we were the couple undressing each others minds one article of clothing at a time. you forgot to stop at clothing, though.

in the back seat of your car pretending like we were the only people alive, you dug your finger into my eye sockets with crystalline shards of glass undressing everything that i didn’t want to see in myself. you hit my teeth like vinyl piano keys undressing my vocal cords and leaving me screaming words that i never wanted to recall. you reached fervently into my chest cavity between my rib bones ripping out my heart and undressing the rusty emotions cranking like gears in my left ventricle along with poisoned air. 

i let you do it because maybe this time you’d stick around, but undressing willingly had never guaranteed a forever. i realize now, broken heart ripped out of my chest and bleeding in my hands, that the word “forever" is just white noise at the end of an empty hallway, but it was all i had to offer. 

© 2013 Dana Alsamsam


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Featured Review

The forever that never lasts, the pain was palpable in this read. We expose all for the one we love and in turn we slowly lose the essence of who we were. Second stanza is money....

' you dug your finger into my eye sockets with crystalline shards of glass undressing everything that i didn’t want to see in myself'

That's exposed...and painful. Good read Dana.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dana Alsamsam

7 Years Ago

thank you so much!
Frieda P

7 Years Ago

My pleasure Dana!



Reviews

"Forever" can only exist after something has died. Like the phoenix who rises from the ashes and burns anew you "undressed forever" in a moment or, series of moments that were meant to bring about forever but, in the end it was laid bare, yet unrecognizable to you except as a "forever lost". This piece and its subject matter are so appropriate for one of your poems because you are a dancer and like dancing, forever exists in the moment of every step, bent knee, waving arm and the wind across your face then soon it is over and a small part of you mourns the absence of something so powerful and liberating. Very nice.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dana Alsamsam

7 Years Ago

your review is better than the poetry, my friend! i've recently been exploring a lot about that conc.. read more
Astro

7 Years Ago

You're most welcome, I'm glad you liked the review.
The blunt and aggressive emotion of this piece is staggering, to the point of making the hairs stand on the back of a reader's neck...it's a hapless feeling, that hope that one will accept the devotion constantly offered by another so unconditionally...that feeling is undeniably palpable here...the prose-poem is a bit of a neglected form so it's refreshing not just to see one, but one so emotionally effective...great piece :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dana Alsamsam

7 Years Ago

thank you so much for your review! i had a few recommendations to actually ditch the prose form and .. read more
kublakhan27

7 Years Ago

I think it could go either way and be equally effective...looking at this from a fellow writer's sta.. read more
I totally agree with, Frieda. The forever never does last. This write was full of pain and honesty. We'd do anything for the one we love, sometimes even not speak to our family.

~ Noodle.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Dana Alsamsam

7 Years Ago

thanks, noodle!
this poem tells me about humiliation, despair, and a burning out for the person being abused in a relationship. thank you for sharing :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Dana Alsamsam

7 Years Ago

thank you so much!
The forever that never lasts, the pain was palpable in this read. We expose all for the one we love and in turn we slowly lose the essence of who we were. Second stanza is money....

' you dug your finger into my eye sockets with crystalline shards of glass undressing everything that i didn’t want to see in myself'

That's exposed...and painful. Good read Dana.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dana Alsamsam

7 Years Ago

thank you so much!
Frieda P

7 Years Ago

My pleasure Dana!
A very tortured piece with sadness, disappointment and a deep sense of low self worth. The subject is prepared to be treated badly simply to keep the relationship. It is a very eloquent and thought provoking piece and all the physical metaphors gave a gritty feel to it.

Posted 7 Years Ago


thought provoking sometimes others bring out things in us that we are not always willing to see in ourselves.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Is it wrong that I enjoy the insideousness here? You went dark on this one and I was with you all the way...

On the stylistic front, I would have preferred the lines to have broken differently....I realize that's a matter of personal preference, but I do believe in formatting as a device.... I felt you lost some of the power by going this route...

Regardless, this was quite good.
Cm

Posted 7 Years Ago


Dana Alsamsam

7 Years Ago

thank you! this was sort of an idea that came into my head and i wanted to get it down right away. i.. read more
A very interesting write shedding light on the benefits regarding longevity in terms of love. It looked like though this could've been a quick short story, yet as a poem you've proven your point very well with the best of your proposed intentions. Nice work. An enjoyable read. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Dana Alsamsam

7 Years Ago

maybe this is surprising, but i'm not amazing at writing short stories...they're a challenge for me .. read more
my favorite part of this is all of it. i let you have your way with me, i let you undress my body, my mind, my heart --thinking i could keep you...

but "forever" can be so elusive, no matter how much of ourselves we give.

really good piece.. i love the first stanza...despite not being able to stand Sinatra's singing --see how powerful your words are...one spot..should be "each other's minds"

i really like "you forgot to stop at clothing"

totally bare naked for you...and yet you still wouldn't keep me.

i did this once...totally bared myself for another, in every way, and it has never happened again.

great write, Dana.

jacob

Posted 7 Years Ago


Dana Alsamsam

7 Years Ago

it's like you know you're throwing yourself into something, undressing yourself, even though you won.. read more

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11 Reviews
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Added on June 30, 2013
Last Updated on June 30, 2013
Tags: romance, love, slow dancing, heart break, forever, pain, undressing

Author

Dana Alsamsam
Dana Alsamsam

Chicago, IL



About
"my brain hums with scraps of poetry and madness." i dance, write and play violin. i'm studying english and training in dance in chicago. i like spooky things, red lipstick, caffeine, punk/indi.. more..

Writing
mother mother

A Poem by Dana Alsamsam



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