Aspiring Ballerina With Thighs

it is sad, really, that I can't be

what I want to be because I am trapped

in a body that I can't change. 

maybe there are larger dreams to follow

than becoming so perfect you may shift and shimmer

and crinkle in someones hands

and your spine may tremble like a rainstorm

and you'll blow away in the wind, 

crack and annihilate like the pale ceramic

of an antique teapot admired only

for its delicate appearance. 

in crystalline dust you meet your perfect form

when you hug yourself and your pointy elbows

wrap twice around your pale chest. you are much less

than you expected. the mirror on one wall whispers

daunting addiction into the sallow aperture

beneath your cheek bones. 

the mirror on the other wall screams 

disillusions of your refusal to see your true self. 

the candor behind your iris is replaced 

with an inky velvet. you can't meet your eyes 

in the mirrors that stare at you relentlessly, 

chuckling at the bruised skin tucked against your bones.

you slop over the sides of ballets harrowing demand 

and shudder at what you've become 

but quickly release the thought-

autumn leaves blowing down an abandoned

city sidewalk.  

I don't want to be that, but being so perfect

that you break is probably better than breaking

from the desire to be perfect.

Reviews

[s y e]

This is lovely, Dana - The last bunch of lines had to be my favourite. All your writes are written with so much passion and you put so much effort in to them, it's great.

~ Noodle ~

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much, noodle!

[Exsanguination]

"Autumn leaves blowing down an abandoned city sidewalk..."

Hell yeah, I loved the whole thing but the last like 10 lines were my fave. Hey, perfection is RELATIVE, trust me on that.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much. i know that it's relative but ballet can really get in my head sometimes...thanks again for reading and your kind words!

[Exsanguination]

Black Swan type s**t?? lol :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

well aside from screwing my fellow company members and killing people....kind of! haha

[Exsanguination]

true..............

[Graveyardfuck]

I can relate to this so much I could cry. I'm adding this to my favorites.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! i'm both glad and morose that you could draw a personal connection, dear. here's to accepting our imperfections!

[Graveyardfuck]

Here, here :)

[kublakhan27]

I'd say this goes way beyond the musings of a ballerina and lends itself to a number of different reads...a wonderful mix of philosophy and visually arresting imagery...great work :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thanks so much!!

[kublakhan27]

My pleasure Dana :)

[Astro]

Great ending, that final thought is money. There are some thought provoking themes in this piece of reflecting upon reflections and appearances that put an end to dreaming. Don't give up the dance, "J-Lo and Beyonce have made quite a living shaking legs and not just bones.

[Richard]

You are the best poet on here :)
everything you write ... I know it's gonna' be good and touching and take me into an animated and exaggerated world - which for 2 minutes is all I want :)
fantastic

[Dana Alsamsam]

that is such a huge and incredible compliment- thank you!!

[Richard]

my pleasure

[Tomahawk Joe]

I like this one your mention of the two mirrors is a unique way of stating the contrasting views of oneself.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

not sure about the last lines...they are perfect for the poem...but i wish there wasn't such a need to be perfect...and perfection or striving for it can really break us...this reminds me of karen carpenter...

beautiful woman, beautiful voice, but never felt okay inside her body, inside her mind...and just left this world way too soon...

striving to be what we aren't...i also think of the poem Barbie Doll...sometimes i really wonder if it is our own expectations we try to live up to..or just those of others around us.

really good poem, Dana.

jacob

[Dana Alsamsam]

ballet stacks this infinite pressure on you. i wish there wasn't that need for perfection either but it really has been omnipresent my entire life and very hard to avoid. thank you for your kind words!

[annabellee]

wow your poem really captured me, I enjoyed reading every single line, great imagery.
Gorgeous write :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for reading and for your kind words!

[annabellee]

you're most welcome :)

[Pete Langley]

What a beautiful portrait of the fragility of the search for perfection! Your inner eye is as sharp as her points, Dana. Delicious images and pure poetic music. P.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! your reviews always mean a lot :)