an offering

i wanted to give you something of me

but all i have are bleeding lips, bruised knees,

poached butterfly wings, bitten nails,

clocks with broken hands

ignorant to time,

pale flesh smeared with 

sadness stains, a bed of rotting

petaled bones

and a terribly mangled heart. 

 

i am not beautiful, but i am real.

please don’t try to fix me up. 

Reviews

[Traci]

The raw emotion and imagery portrayed in this well written piece is truly impressive. The line "I am not beautiful, but I am real" sums up the premise of this poem. Staying genuine and true to one's self is the true beauty in individuality and when we tend to give too much, we lose a piece of ourselves that is not so easy to get back. Stay honest because you my friend are simply amazing!!!

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much :) your kind words mean a lot to me!

[highonwords]

the line 'i am not beautiful, but i am real' sums this piece'.......thank you for sharing :)

[Anand Sehgal]

i am not beautiful, but i am real.

please don’t try to fix me up.



.......Accept as it is, otherwise go your own way .:) loved the honest thought

[DarkBeauty]

I love the sway of the words but it seems unfinished to me an abrupt end, stanzas are great to use for format and style. great job keep writing

[h d e rushin]

the admission at the end of human inperfection as an entity or concept based on a more fundamental
one, ( that beauty is the thing your looking at) is sensational. "Petaled bones" is a line I might just
steal from you....lol,

good work,
dana

[Dana Alsamsam]

good writers borrow, great writers steal! thank you so much for your kind words :)

[annabellee]

Fantastic poem, so honest and emotional.
"I am not beautiful, but I am real."
Absolutley loved this line.
Well penned :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much!

[annabellee]

you're most welcome :)

[Astro]

Happiness is a state of being that is often misunderstood by the outsider. I think that is where the phrase "happy as a pig in s**t" comes from. Not to equate your own description as such, but to make the point that sometimes even if we don't look fine, we may indeed be perfectly fine with our present states. This is another thought provoking read, built upon voice and artistic descriptions Dana.

[Dana Alsamsam]

i really like your take on this one- i'm as lost and clueless as i've ever been and more okay with that than i've ever been! thanks so much for reading and for your kind words.

[Astro]

You're welcome Dana, and beautiful don't kid yourself.

[Richard]

I liked this very much :)
I like all the wordplay as well, yes

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

A haunting sentiment... The desire to "give" of oneself, but knowing that there is little to give...we sell ourselves short this way all too often; we are all damaged souls, but for each one of us there is a mirror, another half. I also enjoy the idea of asking someone not to try to "fix" you, because again, this seems to be something that happens so often; we are what we are...scars and all. This was very powerful in its simplicity and honesty. You have a beautiful heart, my friend.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much, i always look forward to hearing your thoughts and sentiments :) you have a beautiful heart (and mind) as well

[The Chosen Poet]

The raw emotion on this piece :( Brilliant read Dana. ''i am not beautiful, but i am real.'' staying genuine helps even the strangers define you just all, this is well penned. Amazing

Sean

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for stopping by and giving me a read! your kind words mean a lot.