It's you (alternate)

It's you (alternate)

A Story by Aldora Sparrow
"

Alternate version of "It's you". Based off of one of my favorite songs. Lyrics are translated from Korean. I own none of the Italics. Thank you Super Junior! Un-italicized letters are inserted by me

"

It’s you (alternate)

I don't need anyone else, I don't need any words. Put simply, it's only you

 

The moment my heart was captured by you.

It was such a long time ago, and yet I can still clearly remember it. But what happened between us? Where did we go wrong?

"The number you are trying to call is not available. Please leave a message�"" Beep. As the little screen flashes END OF CALL, I sigh. It had only lasted eight seconds.

I call and there's no reply.

"Did you hear?" I hear them say. "Those two who everyone thought they will be together forever? Yeah, I think they broke up. She's with someone else now."

"Really? I was so sure they were going to be together..." They break off suddenly as they see me watching them. I just pretend not to notice.

Even if you already have another love, I just can't forget you, I can't turn time around.

"You should just forget her," my friends urge.

"Thanks," I say, “but I can't. Sorry." I stroll away from them. Out of the corner of my eye, I see you standing there, dark hair waving. A phantom of your laugh rings in my ear. When you finally turn my way, I am already gone. You can't see the tears that well up and obscure my vision.

Whatever anyone says, it doesn't matter to me. Because I'll only look at you. For me it's only you.

But, even as my friends try to pull me away, I stay because I can't break that promise.

 I'll keep waiting for you.

The minutes that I think of you slowly becomes hours and hours melts into days, days into nothingness.

(Tic toc tic toc) Even as time goes by...

 

Finally, we meet again, on the same street. A nimble rain creates an elegant veil between us. Glowing street lights shines a dark shadow across your surprised face.

As you stand before me now, I remember you saying, so long ago, "It's too late for us."

 

Back then I wished that, when I smiled and said, "Okay," that you knew that what I meant was "No, don't leave. Because, for me, it's just you."

I could remember how, at that moment, my eyes followed your every movement, feeling a mix of fear and pain. When you reached into your pocket and drew out that ring. When you touched my hand with warm fingers and gently set the golden band into my palm. A sad smile crossed your face.

For me, it's you, my heart screamed silently inside me, it's you. Why don't you know? Why don't you know?

"I see," I said instead, ignoring the tightening of my throat. I tried a smile.

"Well then," you said, so offhandedly it hurt. Did I see a tear? "Good-bye."

I wanted to say more, but the unborn words died in my throat.

The moment my eyes began to burn with tears.

As we turned away from each other, I regretted my choice. But, what was there to do? When the numbing wind swept through me, I felt a chill run through me. My lips were dry and cold.

My lips are even colder. I cry for your warmth.

With each step I took from you, it felt empty. A void of slowness and oblivion. Then I heard my heart's cry. Each beat and its resonating echo.

It's you (it's you)

It's you (it's you)

 

As we watch each other now, a strange look crosses your face. Almost...apologetic.

"It's been a while," you say hesitantly. My heart stings as I watch you glance at me nervously. My body cries to touch you.

"It has," I say as casually as I can. Only the hand in my pocket that clutches the now-warm ring betrays my facade. The golden ring that I had always carried since that day. I can feel the three words press against my palm. The words of "True love waits."

There is an awkward pause as the rain lightens to a soft drizzle. The air is fresh and clean. I can feel your quiet breath not far away.

"How is he?" I say, unable to look at you.

"We...were never together," you mutter.

In the pause, I finally really look at you. I can't help but notice how vulnerable you look. The tiny water drops in the light create a fine glow on your dark hair. A slight blush warms your face.

"I'm so sorry," you burst out. "It was all my fault�"" you blush a little deeper under my dark approaching gaze. "I didn't know what I was doing..."

While you speak, I come over and put a finger on your lips, quieting you. Your eyes shine in the faint light. As I slip a finger under your chin, I smile a little. "I know our love was wrong," I whisper, "I've told myself thousands of times. But I just can't give up, I can't let you go."

A lone tear slips down your soft face. Your lip quivers a little.

"Please don't cry," I murmur, voice cracking. Tears threaten to fall on my face, too.

"I just love you too much," you whisper trembling. "I'm sorry...I was an idiot..."

"Hush," I say, holding you against me. I feel the breath squeezed out. It is very hot against my cold skin. "We can solve that later."

For some reason, the feeling of your heated tears against my chest makes me feel unspeakably happy. I curve my arms around you, at a loss for words.

I don't need any words.

"I have no regrets," I say after a long, unhurried moment, feeling your warmth spread to me. This familiar grasp that is gentle and strong. Full of life and warmth. The sweet scent that I had come to miss so much. I smile as I feel your heart beat with mine. "Because I chose you." I feel a drop of happiness slip down my cheek as you return a tentative embrace. The darkness on this empty street seems to brighten with a nighttime sun.

 

Oh oh only for you does my heart beat.

Oh oh only to you does my love belong.

Only for me, it's you…

 

 

© 2010 Aldora Sparrow


Author's Note

Aldora Sparrow
Original song: It's you by Super Junior
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Featured Review

Wow, what a coincidence! I just happened to be listening to the song "It's You" when I clicked on your story. Haha! I've listened to the song like a million times ever since I've heard it. I really like it. Anyways�

I really like how you incorporate the lyrics into your story. You are able to use them to set your story, and also use the lines as part of the story, adding a couple of your own words in between.

I felt that maybe you could have done a little better of a description of the setting in the beginning where the people are gossiping about them and how they thought that they would last. I started wondering if they were at a school, workplace, or somewhere else. Your dialogue is awesome and the explanations of his feelings and actions are terrific, but I would appreciate a little more consideration on the setting and the surroundings around him.

I really liked the line: "A nimble rain creates an elegant veil between us." I haven't heard that line being used before, and not only is it very original, this line helps describe the view of rain very well. I had never thought of rain as a veil, congratulations for showing me a new perspective. =) It was very imaginative. Once again though, I think that a few more descriptions that appeal to the senses would be nice. Was the rain cold? Warm? Was it pelting so hard that he could barely keep his eyes from closing? Or maybe he was too shocked to notice?

When he has the flashback to when she put the ring into his palm (It's in the music video too isn't it?), you used both the past and the present to describe the scene. You wrote lines like "touched my hand", "crossed your face", which are in past tense. Then you wrote "ignoring the tightening of my throat", which is in present tense. In my opinion, I think it would have been easier to read and less confusing if you stuck to either the present or past tense there. Either or, not both, just like in essays.

You capture the man's emotions very nicely. I felt that you did a decent job of describing the woman's feelings too, showing the audience how she felt with her actions. I do think that a few describing words of their physical appearance might have been nice. What did she look like to him?

I liked the happy ending. It was a great piece of work and I enjoyed reading it. =)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I really liked this story. Your style is a little choppy but I think that lent to the emotion of it. It made the reader feel the uneasiness and uncertainty of the character. It was almost dream like. And I love how much you get across in so few words.

Posted 8 Years Ago


it's lovely.

Posted 10 Years Ago


omg, ily suju fan ftw?

Posted 10 Years Ago


I was planning to write a story based on the same song... OH MY GOSH! I love this song. Yay for Super Junior fans! It's hard for me to cry while reading something... but you have succeeded. I felt the pain of the narrator as I read this, but I'm not too happy with the way you started it. You could have added more about the people gossiping and everything.

I totally saw some parts that were inspired by the video.. (the ring part... ehem)

Posted 10 Years Ago


I loved it! Great concept, beautiful writing. :)

Good luck in my contest. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


loved it!!!!

Posted 10 Years Ago


I really like this, I appreciate you entering it in my contest!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Wow, so there is someone else out their that loves Super Junior as much as me.
Your story is absolutely amazing! A+ definitely! Such detail and description...I can
tell you've written a lot before this. Just like a pro! This seriously made my day,
you have no idea. I love how the song was perfectly incorporated into the story.
It also left me thinking...not wanting it to end. But the ending was certainly admirable!
Thank you soo much for writing this wonderful piece of art =]

I would love to read your other pieces if you don't mind.....

Posted 10 Years Ago


A very sweet story. I loved how you incorporated a song into it, and it's funny, because I also have heard f Super Junior. :] Simple, emotive, stunning piece of work. Thank you for submitting it into my contest. :]

Posted 11 Years Ago


its really good i like it! :o

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on June 16, 2009
Last Updated on August 7, 2010

Author

Aldora Sparrow
Aldora Sparrow

About
I have been writing for longer than I can remember, but it was only during 7th grade did I start to write outside of class. I am still inexperienced and I love helpful comments. I love to write fa.. more..

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