Fear

I want scream and cry

Beat my head against a wall

Slit my wrists and bruise my skin. 

Rip my heart out and feed it to the wolves. 

Anything that causes me to not feel. 

Because maybe then I could have control. 

Just a small handle on something. 

But that's never going to happen. 

My life is always broken. 

I can never be happy. 

Something is always going to poke holes in my heart. 

I'm sorry. 

But this is just the way I am. 

Reviews

[1Disawsum]

You want to slit your wrists and bruise your skin. Cutting/self harm was (and sometimes still is) my coping mechanism, and it's turned into a very bad habit. NO matter how you feel in life, never do it. Honestly, I felt like it was THE best decision I had ever made in my life, because then, when my skin was bruised and my bones broken by my abusive biological parents, I wouldn't feel. I wouldn't think of the pain, rather, I'd be thinking when I can cut again, and again, and again. But now I've realised, cutting is bad. It's dangerous. You have the power to choose. To get rid of the pain for a few short, lingering moments, or end the pain completely. And what if you've had a really bad day? This habit, the power, will get to you. Even though the day wasn't very bad, your emotions change your line of thought. And the next thing you know, even if you didn't want to, you're gone, or you're in hospital. 72 hours of ongoing beeps, 72 hours of being watched over 24/7. Counsellor, psychologist. For weeks on end.

No, you CAN be happy. But that will only happen if you believe, and you really want to be happy. Find something you really love to do, playing a sport, doing something productive. Forget about your life for a while, focus on that one thing that you're doing that's making you happy. You're CHOOSING to be sad, you're CHOOSING to focus on the negative side of things. But what about the positives? There are so many positive things in this world. I'm not going to list some, I want YOU to list every little positive, happy thing in this world. What makes you happy. What makes you laugh.

Trust me, I've been through this. For so many endless years. Living with my biological parents, getting abused, then going to school and getting bullied and having rumours spread about me. Having the school hate me, almost all teachers afraid of me. Having depression, having anxiety, having attacks from anxiety, and being hospitalised SO many times. Self harm didn't even make me happy for a long time, only for a few seconds each cut. Then I'd be brought painfully back to reality. Back to the reality that I've learnt I can never escape.

But who says you can't find happiness in the darkest of places?

If you don't like the way your life is going, you have evry power in the world to change it. If you don't like being sad and depressed, then change it. I'm not going to say it's going to be an easy change, because change, to a degree, will always be hard. But what I'm saying is, you CAN change your life. You CAN change your thoughts. You CAN change yourself. But throughout all of this, still be true to who you are. No, rally. Be true to who you are, who you KNOW you are but are refusing to see. Be true to who you are, deep on the inside. On the surface, you think you're just a sad, lonely, depressed person. Well, techncally, I WAS clinically depressed but forget about that. But honestly? you're not at all. You still have a lifetime of memories to be had, you still have a lifetime of tears to cry, but you still have more than a lifetime of opportunites to c=grab, of smiles to be had, smiles to be shared, and laughs to be laughed out. Yes, you still have tears and bad days and sad memories and all, but you also still have laughs, smiles, happiness and serenity to share with the world.

Now, sorry for reading this, but I hope it's isnpired you, or whoever else may be reading this, to go out and explore the world. Go out of your comfort zone, forget about your sadness, loneliness, and find happiness.

Read my poem Today if you want. It sums it all up nicely, in my opinion.

And just remember, everybody in this world loves you. Everybody will help you. You want guidance? You'll have it.

[Adreamer's Bluejay]

"Oh how i wish we didn't worry so. there is hope in every breath. But once fear infects our bones, they say the heart is always next" - by iain thomas the author of iwrotethisforyou

This quote was the first thing that came to mind when I read this piece, I think more than anything though that is only because so many people have already said that they relate to this, because I am one of those people as well. I think it makes me think of this piece because I think these are the simple words or kind of words you need just to let you hope is still there even in fear. And now that I have ranted (my apologies) I think you have penned a wonderfully honest piece that almost anyone can relate to at some point in their life. I love how you were able to describe so much and tell us so much without using many words at all. I love the use of voice and rhythm in this piece, the style is a little over done, but it worked well with this write. Nice job.

I am so sorry for whatever event or moment pushed you to finally pen this, but thank you so very much for sharing

[Kitten]

Thank you very much.

[Bluefire]

This, I can relate to.
I like the title, and the wordplay.
Well done. ^^

[Kitten]

Thank you.

[Bluefire]

No problem. ^^

[Bhumika Devkota]

Very deep, emotional poem that people can relate to. Well done!

[Kitten]

Thank you.