Off I Go

A Short Story

He was that man. The one you think of when you first kiss a guy. The one you feel when said guy touches you. The one whose voice you can no longer recall but whose presence you still feel around you, close to you. The one you see in every man that follows.

There is his hair. There is his shirt and pants. There are his shoulders. That, oh my, that is his smile. And you fall for him all over again, only in another man.

These other men, after a while, they realize you don’t really see them. The smarter ones know this immediately, know they will never fit the mold that is him so they leave even before it begins.

So you are alone, wondering why you love someone who is as distant from your life as the stars, wondering why after all this time your heart still beats only for him, wondering if love truly exists, if it is possible for a woman to love a man who loves her too.

At times like this, it seems to you that love is more like a house with all its doors shut.

                         

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

He was walking towards the lift lobby, his laptop bag hanging off his shoulder, weary from another long work week but not looking forward to another lonely weekend either.

His phone started buzzing in his pocket. He fished it out and looked at the number in mild surprise.

He knew her, from a long time ago, a young girl with a sweet smile who had worked for them for a few months.

He remembered her being precocious and interesting and so much younger than him.

“Hello?”

“Hi, I’m sorry.” She sounded as if she was crying, sobbing really hard and gasping.  “I’m so sorry, I don’t know who else to call, I don’t have anyone.”

“What’s wrong?” His protective instincts kicking in, remembering her face and how intensely sad she sometimes seemed to be, how he used to try to make her smile more.

Did he like her? He could not even remember. Maybe he had. Maybe he had flirted a bit. But he was lonely and in his thirties and she was young and sweet and he had never been inappropriate in any outright physical manner – of that he was sure.

“I’m so sorry…I just couldn't take it anymore so I did it and now…”

She sounded worse, her voice more faint. Then the worst thought struck his mind – she had tried to kill herself.

“Where are you?” He asked firmly, strongly, so unlike himself.

“At home-“ Then she hung up or the line got cut but he was already sprinting back to the office.

“Personnel records,” He barked at one of the secretaries.

“2007, 2007” He mumbled to himself, leafing through the folders, his fingers jumping. Maybe this was it, he could not help thinking. His whole life filled with inaction and letting opportunities pass by and wondering what could have been, all the doing with no meaning and saying with no intention and now he was finally acting, doing, caring.
 

He found her address and ran out of the door, leaving the secretaries to stand around wondering why their usually passive boss was in such a state.

When he got to her apartment door, he didn’t even bother knocking, he slammed his shoulder against the door twice before the lock gave way.

He barged in, calling out her name and heard no response. He literally felt his heart in his throat. Not this, Not this time, that was all he kept thinking. He did not want to be too late this time, not when someone’s life was at stake, not when it was more than a job or a woman you loved.

He could almost feel the tears at the back of his throat as he walked around her apartment, feeling lost all over again and then he saw her slumped on the kitchen floor. There was blood everywhere but not as much as he expected and as he knelt down and grabbed her wrists, he realized she was still breathing and that the slashes on her wrists had not reached her arteries.

“It’ll be fine, It’s not that deep.” He told her, thinking he could cry right then in gratitude and relief. He had saved her. He would save her.

He had never felt so alive, so intensely in touch with his own emotions, as if every feeling he had ever felt about anything and anybody, all that he had buried so deep within himself was now right beneath his skin, coursing through him.

He held her up to the sink, made her run her hands under the water and then sat her down and hurriedly picked up a cloth, ripped it in half and wrapped her wrists in them.

The entire time she kept mumbling, dazedly “I can't be alone anymore, I can't be alone anymore.”

He tried not to think about the agony behind those words, how it resounded with his own emptiness. He still had to get her to the hospital. He put one arm around her, helping her up, and then cupped her face in his free hand, tilting it towards his own, “You’ll be okay, everything willl be okay, I’m going to get you to the hospital, I’ll take care of you.”

She nodded, numbly, tears still running down her face.

Then he held onto her and led her out of the door.

He did not notice the last thing she had written on a piece of paper that lay on the floor, right before she had slashed her wrists and called him - I will make him love me.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think...

Reviews

[~amanda~]

omg. dramatic without being a cliche! it had great structure, and all the characters had believable intentions... i was captivated beginning to end, and actually think those two sentences stood out the most for me... i could see the scene(s) unfolding like a movie as i read them, partly because of the pacing, and partly because the emotions are ones we all feel... a very cool experience! thanks for sharing!

[The Flawed]

This is very good it had me reading faster and faster as each seen was painted by your words, I enjoyed the experience, but the only thing that I found a bit unrealistic was why he didn't try to call her back before he ran to find her address (Just a thought).
Well done.

[bluessadmood]

Oh that was a nice writing,I was really surprised at the very end..
I could never know what to say about her..I will get him no mater what..I could see there was a strong love behind this
But I never knew love could be built on destruction,especially here,she is trying to destroy herself to get to him..
The least to say there is some deceit in what she is doing,I really loved the twist in the story..
but I did not like the way she behaved..she may have won him for a while..but I am so sure
this will not last long..its like a building this love is,if the foundations are not sound enough
it will soon all go down to pieces,she is either not clever enough or too clever to try this plot
or else she might really be in love,but then she would never do such a thing then..
I really loved your story ,its great ,everything ,the structure ,the plot..
lovely write..

[Ama May Cooper]

This is simply amazing beautiful ive read it a few times and only just found the correct words to say for it.
You never really stop loving that one guy you fall for and this represents that feeling wonderfully
amazing write.. you are one of a kind and i eagerly watch for more of your writing .
Beaugirul painful such sweet love causing so much desperation and pain

[An owl on the moon]

There is such an aching passion expressed through your words. You bring alive a history of these two, drifting through space and time, and giving us insights into his character and devotion, and hers, to do anything for the one she wants. Powerful and vividly voiced.

[emmajoy]

What an incredibly moving post! That note: those words just prove what someone might do to get who she wants.. it's almost wickedl yet, how heart-breaking.

You've written so well.. the story flows from the very start to the end; if there are any flaws or errors I didn't notice them. Your main character is/was very sharp and the odd touches re. 'passive boss' gives hints about the man, plus, they're both lonely, both needing. Not sure that the couple could go on after this, maybe manipulation will 'out' some time, but, no matter, you've created a great piece of writing. I'm truly impressed.

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you are such a romantic soul :-) ... and that story , oh my, so beautiful , you are really a master of words, you always keep me in tension , what will happen next... i loved it ,

I loved what you put above the line , was moving and touching, and so true :-) ... keep on sending your requests, you already made me smile twice today Yossi

[Sleepless]

Wow. Amazing and starkly dramatic. The paragraph before the story is an excellent prelude, and the story itself was intensely intriguing--it kept me hanging on until the last line. That last line was my favorite; what a beautiful way to reveal her motive.....This story is a darkly realistic example of the limitless bounds to which one will go to be loved.

[London Calling]

This was intensely beautiful in the most damaged way! Grammatically, there are no flaws that I could spot, I was just so enthralled in the story, in the drama. So cleverly constructed, so well written that the reader is left wondering what next. Who is he? How did they meet? There will be no happy ending, because happy endings are in fairy tales, but what ending do they get?
Wonderful! I bloody loved it!