Red Rain

Red Rain

A Poem by the darkest shadow

The sky opens itself
As the blade is dragged across her skin
She hurts so bad.
But that red rain is washing it all away
Its too late for anyone to find her now,
Shes taking control of whats been lost,
Leaves a note so as not to be forgetten.
She lifts her face up
Mouth wide open to catch the drops
Tasting the metallic sweetness
That drips from her wrist
Swallowing it all,
She drowns in the blood.
With a smile on her face.


© 2009 the darkest shadow

Author's Note

the darkest shadow
ive never really written about suicide in such a straight forward fashion.. its different for me.

is the word 'she' used too much?

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register


Darkly beautiful... there are some amazing lines in this piece that delight the senses with mystical scarlet and deep anguish. Quite a good write!

Posted 13 Years Ago

No she isn't used to much. You are asking for the reader's sympathy and you need to include such words as "she" to overly get the point over that this is a human being asking for help.

A few notes on style.

remove the ... this indicates someone who is talking going on and on, so to speak. It would work better at the end. As well remove all the periods. Periods in poetry are iffy. I good rule is if you are telling a (long) narrative with different view points there ok. Good write and even with all the she's I can relate.

Posted 13 Years Ago

It is indeed a dark piece. As for the word "she", yes it is used a bit too much. You can correct that by changing a few lines up. An example is:

"Lifting her face up with mouth open wide to catch the drops" instead of "She lifts her face up..."

Other than that, it is well done. I found it disturbing and could fell the way the character fells. Kudos.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 13 Years Ago

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


3 Reviews
Added on July 18, 2009
Last Updated on September 14, 2009
Previous Versions


the darkest shadow
the darkest shadow

to explain it best, i write when im upset. im struggling with bipolar disorder and other problems relating to that.. my writings portray the dark and twisted thoughts i have every day. writing is just.. more..


Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..