Castaway

 

We were, then, free lanced spirits
untouched and remote in our callous youth

Tomorrow, we awake to see the sun rise and fall
upon a wasteland of broken dreams

The passing of time a reminder of shallow freedoms
before wading into the depths of mirky waters

There is nothing so fond as a memory
of times when we thought to see what was before us
clearly as solid land
In growth comes the cold reality
that we were dancing on an island
castaways on a dream

All the years that shall pass we yearn
for the shroud of innocence to smother
our knowledge but fear our ignorance

Now castaways in the land of reality.
We lay our heads, with a sigh, upon our hefty pillows
hoping to return to the island of dreams

Reviews

[MistyJRose]

Great poem. Just had a few nits:

Tomorrow, we rise to see the sun rise and fall {the double "rise" here, Maybe a suggestion rewrite: "Tomorrow, we awake to see the sun rise and fall...}

There is nothing so (found) {fond} as a memory

That was about it. I really enjoyed the poem. Thank you for sending it to me to read.

[~ Tex]

That is a wonderful view of the reality of maturity... some might say the wisdom that comes with age, but why talk about age? LOL I enjoyed what you said and how you said it. Nicely done!

[Craig Bates]

A lifetime of being told we can be whatever we want to be, a lifetime of empty promises and false hope...
'a wasteland of broken dreams '

Within this poem there is such a deep longing for the return of youth, something we are led to believe is our right to use however we please: whether spent sitting in a worn, tired corner or frittered on shallow glasses and chasing skirts...

It's even making me feel pessimistic and cynical!

the half rhyme of 'time a reminder' works well to keep thing moving

I love this image of youthful, hopeful people simply being caught in a mind-made paradise that can never be achieved. We are all castaways. We are cast out into the world against our will and told to make something of it.

If we're lucky we can.

I really enjoyed reading this :)

[Jack E. B.]

Wonderful write!! Keep dreaming!
Jack

[The Elder Pine]

And the rest can be seen where?
I love this piece.
It is very heartfelt and I know of exactly what you speak.
You images where wonderful and I loved them.
Bravo!

[xXx JakBeNimble xXx]

beautiful...

[Butterflymom]

I love this. Beautiful writing. Well said!!! Very professional.

[Raven Held]

Very nice. I like your structure. The flow of the poem is regulated, and I absolutely love your imagery employed!

It's not too cumbersome either, even though it is apparent that you have a lot to say about your theme. Well crafted.

Thanks for sharing!

Loves,
Raven

[Cheryl Ann Welch-Davis]

You wrote this perfectly, using words that wrote a painting.

[Jennifer Ryan]

Great poem. Nice use of imagery. I did see a few things and these were my suggestions:

upon of a wasteland of broken dreams

I would removed the "of" in this sentence it doesn't fit.

mirky - although you did spell this right, this is not the usual way to spell. That usually is murky. My only suggestion on that one would be to change it just so you don't have people like me constantly telling you it is wrong due to most people probably don't know you can spell it that way. Then again I could be wrong and it's just me who is ignorant.

Like I said before excellent job. Thanks for sending this to me to read.