When Things Are Grim

A little poem I have written to pick you up when things are grim.

I'm searching through emptiness,

Try to forget the torture in vain,

The shadow cast by the dark setting sun,

Will bring my sadness to an end.

My consciousness cries out

Through the fear and the doubt.

My words are dying in the night.

No darkness lasts forever.

When the scars of the past,

still live in your veins,

Sit back, light the match,

And watch the past burn down in flames.

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think :)

Reviews

[Dalton Holt]

"Sit back, light the match
And watch the past burn down in flames."
These were my favourite lines of the poem. It has a perfect rhythm, strong imagery, and interesting meaning. I liked the whole poem, though it's hard to understand exactly what the meaning is. It seems the narrator switches between being hopeful that his darkness will go away and to falling into despair that it will be there forever. I like this technique, even if it wasn't intentional. That's kind of how it is when you're depressed, sometimes you feel you'll push through and other times you feel it will never end.

[Ryan Henderson]

Thanks for the review! I meant for the mood to change like that :)

[BlankCypher]

I really enjoy the structure of this poem and how it was written.
The words blend in together well and is abstract enough to allow me to interpret it myself.
Very well done!

[Ryan Henderson]

Thank you for reviewing!

[poetdoug]

Wow, Ryan, you are a true wordsmith. I admire your vocabulary and that you can use these words so dramatically. Keep up the great work my friend.

[Ryan Henderson]

Thank you, that I will, my good sir!

[Jessie MacDonald]

I think it is amazing that a 14 year old can express the emotions of depression in this way and then have a positive ending to your poem - "burning the past". Good work.

[Ryan Henderson]

Thank you, I am bullied a lot, so I inevitably suffer depression as a consequence. Although, I find that the perfect remedy for depression is to 'burn' or get rid of the thing making you depressed. I especially like the word 'burn' because it relates to Hell, which is where I desire to see my tormentors one day.

[Jessie MacDonald]

Keep writing and get your emotions onto paper. As you know, bullies are cowards. I don't understand why some people are bullies; they would not be successful without an audience. Know that you are a special person.

[Ryan Henderson]

Thank you very much, I appreciate your kind words, it is on a rare occasion that such words grace my ears :)

[Laura Lynn]

Ok, will do.
OR
We all have beautiful brains...
OR
I like the rhyme scheme.