Shanghai Tiger

Shanghai Tiger

A Story by David Jae
"

Meifang's solitary life is disrupted when she meets a sick street urchin called Suyin and she takes her in. Her life will never be the same...

"
Suyin sat on the wall with her knees pulled up to her chin, her tattered blanket around her shoulders, putting her hand over her mouth to cover her cough. She had slept, as she did most nights, huddled against a wall in one of the alleys with her blanket wrapped around her to keep out the worst of the chill. Around her, the market was opening, bakers and fishmongers already at work. Soon the streets would be filled with people, so she could find someone with an errand that needed running, or beg a few coins to buy herself some bread or smoked fish. She was about to get to her feet when she saw a woman dressed in a red cheongsam with a golden tiger stitched in the cloth, her black hair pulled back into a tight bun. As she watched her cross the square, a swarthy man detached himself from the crowd and followed her, his hand reaching inside his jacket. Quickly, Suyin scrambled down off the wall and crouched behind a barrel, peering over the top. She was in time to see her turn as the thief advanced towards her, producing a short club from under his jacket, swinging it in a vicious arc towards her jaw and she squeezed her eyes tight shut.
No...
However, instead of the crack that she had been expecting, there was a meaty smack and she opened her eyes again to see that the woman had caught his arm, her fingers curled tightly around his wrist. Before the startled thief could react, she slammed the heel of her palm across his jaw and raked her curled fingers back across his eyes. As he howled in pain, she struck his nose with the sharp crack of bone and wrapped her arm around his neck, crouching down to pull him off his feet. Suyin watched with her breath held as his legs kicked feebly for a few seconds and then he lay still.
Who is she....?

Meifang dropped the unconscious man to the ground, reaching out to press two fingers to his neck.
Still alive... She thought, drawing back two stiffened fingers when she heard a gasp, looking round to see an urchin girl crouched behind a barrel.
'What are you doing?' She demanded and the girl turned to run, getting only a few steps before she gave a breathless sigh and collapsed to the floor. Meifang hesitated for a second before kneeling down next to her and pulling back one of her eyelids.
She's passed out. Perfect...



Meifang laid the unconscious girl in bed, having already bathed and changed her into one of her spare night shirts. Even with the sleeves rolled up, it was too big for her, but it would have to do. So far, she had shown no sign of waking. Gently, she laid a hand on her head before feeling for the pulse at her neck.
Fever. Cough. And her heart is slow. A respiratory disease brought on by the cold wind...
Picking up a leather satchel from the table, she opened it carefully and selected several leaves, dropping them into a ceramic bowl.
Ma huang to bring out the fever and relieve the cough. Ginseng to calm and balance the heart...
Filling the bowl with water, she placed it on top of the small metal brazier that was sitting on the table, a pungent aroma filling the room as the water started to boil. Reaching out to feel her pulse again, she sat back in the chair with her arms folded across her chest and waited...


Suyin woke with a hacking cough. When it passed, she struggled to sit upright and glanced around. She was in an unfamiliar room, the flickering candle light illuminating tapestries on the dark panelled walls. Seated in the corner of the room was the woman that she had seen on the street. As she watched, the woman picked up a ceramic bowl and brought it towards her.

'Drink this.' She said, holding it out towards her and Suyin recoiled. The woman's expression tightened and she knelt down, bringing the cup towards her lips.
'No...' Suyin cried, pushing the cup away and the woman's other hand closed around her wrist in a tight grip.
'Drink.' She repeated, as she brought the cup to her lips and Suyin drank. She nearly choked at the taste, but forced herself to swallow, lying back onto the pillows as she felt her eyelids grow heavy...


Meifang woke with a groan, sitting up and rubbing her neck, wincing at the stiffness that had come from sleeping in her chair. Getting to her feet, she crossed to the bed and gently laid her hand on the girl's forehead
Her fever is down and she's breathing easier...
Quietly, she slipped out of the room, making sure to leave the door open. Slipping off her shoes, she bowed deeply before stepping onto the wooden floor. Taking a deep breath, she curled her fingers back into Tiger Claws, stepping out into a wide stance with her knees bent deeply. She held that pose for a second, before rising on one leg, thrusting her fingers forward into the eyes of an imaginary opponent before dropping down with her hands pressed to the ground. She held the pose again before springing up into a flying tiger kick, landing gracefully on one leg before flipping forward on one hand to come down in a crouch with her hands crossed over her chest. Then, she heard an intake of breath and looked around to see the girl standing in the doorway, her eyes wide...


Suyin woke, finding that she was still lying in bed with the covers pulled up to her chin and that she was alone. Pushing back the covers, she slipped from the bed and padded on bare feet towards the open door, her breath catching in her throat when she saw the woman crouched on the wooden floor, her hands pulled back like claws.
'What are you doing?' The woman snarled as she stood up and Suyin took a step back.
'I'm sorry.' She whispered. 'I was just...'
'You should still be in bed.' She snapped, just as Suyin's knees buckled and she slumped to the floor. With a sigh, the woman picked her up and carried her back into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.
'What is your name?'
'S...Suyin.'
'Very well...Suyin. My name is Meifang. You are sick with a fever. You must drink this and then you need to rest. Do you understand me?'
'Yes.'
'Good.' Meifang said, helping her to take another drink from the earthenware bowl. 'Now, you need to get some rest.'
'...okay.' Suyin said and Meifang hesitated, dropping back into the chair with a sigh.
'...Very well. I...will stay for a while...'
'Will you...tell me a story?' Suyin asked.
'A...story?'
'Please?'
'...very well.' Meifang said, sitting back with her hands folded in her lap. 'I will tell you the story of Ng Mui. Ng Mui was Abbess at the Shaolin Monastery in Henan Province where she lived and studied for many years. She was one of the few female Shifu in China and her skill at Kung Fu was legendary. However, rumours spread that the Monastery was supporting rebellion against the Emperor and it was destroyed by forces loyal to the Qing Dynasty. Ng Mui and four other Shifu escaped the Monastery's destruction. Vowing to keep the secrets of Kung Fu alive, they each went their separate ways, with Ng Mui journeying to the White Crane Temple. There she met a young girl called Yim Wing Chun, who was being threatened by a local bandit to marry him. Ng Mui took pity on Yim Wing Chin and taught her to defend herself by simplifying Shaolin techniques into a system that could be learnt quickly.'
'What happened to her?' Suyin asked, sleepily
'She eventually married a man named Leung Bok Chou, becoming one of Ng Mui's most dedicated disciples. She further refined the teachings that she received and they became known as 'Wing Chun Kung Fu' in her honour. She passed her teachings onto her husband and many others, including Yip Man and...'
She stopped, glancing across at Suyin, seeing that the girl had fallen asleep. Quietly, she stood up and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Suyin slept through the rest of the day and night and, when Meifang came to check on her in the morning, she found that her fever had broken. Fetching a bowl of water and a cloth, she returned as the girl stirred, her eyes fluttering open.
'Sit up.' Meifang said, pulling back the covers and helping to prop her against the pillows. Taking the cloth, she began to clean her face, arms and neck, giving her another drink of the tonic.
'There are fresh clothes in the trunk.' She said. 'Finish washing and get changed while I bring you some food.' She rose and left, closing the door behind her, Suyin swinging her legs off the bed. Quickly, she struggled out of the damp linen and washed herself as best she could before slipping the clean shirt over her head. She had just finished when Meifang pushed open the door, carrying a steaming bowl of noodle broth, the smell of which made her stomach growl.
'Eat.' Meifang commanded. 'And then we will visit the garden...'


The soft melody of running water surrounded Suyin as she sat on the stone bench, the warmth of the sun on her skin.
'What happened to the other Shifu?' She asked and Meifang looked round.
'I'm sorry?'
'From your story. What happened to them?'
'They...seperated when the Temple was destroyed, to preserve the teachings of Kung Fu. Two of the most famous were Jee Sin Sim and Pak Mei. Jee Sin Sim See travelled south and built a new Temple at Nine Lotus Mountain. He remembered, perhaps too well, the destruction of the Temple at Henan by the Qing Dynasty and planned to overthrow them. He was killed by Pak Mei, who had sworn loyalty to the Qing Dynasty, when they fought on the steps of the Temple.'
'Why did the Emperor want to destroy the Temple?'
'In truth, the reason is not known. He may have feared their power and influence, or he may have acted on deceit spread by those who did wish the Temples destroyed. It may even have been an attack carried out by one of his Generals, without his knowledge. Either way, the blood spilled that day still haunts us. Now, I need to train. And you need to rest.'
Suyin watched as she stood up and crossed to the centre of the garden, bowing with her fist pressed against the flat of her hand. Taking a deep breath, she stepped back and thrust out her hand, her fingers curled backwards. Suyin watched her for a few seconds before standing up and trying to copy her movements. However, a wave of dizziness washed over her and she collapsed back onto the bench with a moan.
'What are you doing?' Meifang asked, storming over to her and Suyin struggled to look up at her.
'I'm sorry...' She mumbled, as her eyes rolled back into her head and she slumped forward, Meifang just managing to catch her before she slipped off the bench.


Meifang laid Suyin back in bed, the girl having fallen asleep on her shoulder again as she carried her in from the garden. Gently, she pulled the covers up to her chin before slipping out and closing the door behind her, making her way down the hall towards her study. Inside, she lit a candle and sat down at her desk, pulling out a quill pen and paper, bending her head as she started to write. Finishing the letter, she slipped it into an envelope and sealed it with a blob of wax, addressing it to the Ruolong Orphanage. She sat there for a second before standing up and heading for the door with the letter in her hand.
This is for the best....



Suyin slept until the evening and Meifang helped her into the living room where they ate dinner together in silence until Suyin put down her spoon.
'Are you married?' She asked and Meifang froze with her chopsticks halfway to her mouth, looking up to see the girl looking at her with an expression of wide-eyed innocence.
'...no.' Meifang said. 'Tomorrow, I will go to the market and buy you some new clothes...'
'Really?' Suyin asked, her eyes shining with excitement 'Can I come?'
'If you are feeling better...'
**
Suyin practically bounded out of bed when Meifang came to rouse her next morning and she had a hard time convincing the girl that they would need to wait until after breakfast until they could visit the market.
'Are you going to the market now?' Suyin asked as she bounded out of bed when Meifang knocked on the door. 'I'm feeling a lot better...'
'No.' Meifang said, putting down another bundle of clothes. 'Not yet. Wash and get changed and then meet me in the garden.'
As soon as she had left, Suyin stripped out of her nightshirt and washed hurriedly, struggling into the clothes that Meifang had left her. They too big for her, but she rolled them up as best she could before heading to the garden. When she got there, she found that Meifang was already training. With a sigh, she started wandering around the garden, eventually ending up at the pond where she knelt down looking at the fish.

Suyin watched her for a second before curling her fingers back, trying to copy her as well as she could...

, stopping when Meifang glanced across at her. Suyin stiffened as Meifang crossed the garden, stopping in front of her with her arms folded.

What is she doing?
Meifang frowned as she saw Suyin standing in what she assumed was supposed to be horse stance and she grimaced. Suppressing a growl, she stood up and stalked over to her, the girl looking up at her, guiltily.
'What were you doing?' She asked and Suyin went pale.
'I'm sorry. I was...' She began, but Meifang cut her off.
'If you are going to copy me, then you need to do it properly. Stand tall, with your back straight. Pull your fingers back like this and step out with your left leg like this...'

They spent the next half hour with Meifang demonstrating her movements and Suyin following as best she could. Despite herself, Meifang was impressed. The girl listened to what she said and was already showing some improvement. However, time was moving on and she could see that she was getting tired.
'That's enough for now,' Meifang said. 'We need to eat before we go to the market. Go and wash while I get you some clean clothes...'
'But...' She began and Meifang's eyes narrowed.
'Yes, Meifang. ' Suyin said, turning and running back to her room, Meifang watching her go.
Poor child...




**'Where are we going now?' Suyin asked, tugging at the collar of her new shirt. They had already spent an hour in the tailors' shop where Suyin had fidgeted while she was measured up and then left to sit in the corner while Meifang looked at shirts, shoes and trousers. She choose a simple white shirt and trousers for her to wear, along with a pair of cloth shoes, leaving instructions for everything else to be delivered later that day.
'I need to take care of a few things.' Meifang said, without looking round. 'Come along.'
For the next hour, Suyin followed her around the market, trailing from one pungent stall to another where Meifang would stop and talk to the owners. Occasionally, she would buy a small pouch of this or a bottle of that, as well as some faded scrolls or battered books.
'What are you buying?' Suyin asked as they left the latest stall where Meifang had paid three coins for a few ounces of ginseng, whatever that was.
'Medicines.' Meifang said, already heading for another stall. 'Come on...'
Suyin sighed and trailed after her as Meifang started talking to scrawny man with a whispy moustache. Sighing to herself, Suyin glanced around and spotted another stall with brightly coloured birds in rattan cages. Glancing round at Meifang, she slipped away, heading towards the stall and kneeling down in front the nearest cage. Inside was a green and yellow feathered bird that chirped with a high-pitched voice and she smiled.
'Hello.' She whispered. 'Aren't you pretty?'
The birds creeped at her and she smiled, reaching through the bars to stroke one.
'I've got to go.' She said, standing up. 'Goodbye...'
Reluctantly turning away from the birds, she glanced back towards where Meifang had been, but she wasn't there. She ran back down the alley and looked around, expecting to see her at one of the other stalls, but there was no sign of her...

'Thank you.' Meifang said, accepting the leather pouch from the stall keeper, who lowered his head in a respectful bow. 'Come on, Suyin.' She said. 'Time to...'
She stopped when she saw that the girl wasn't there and her head snapped round as she looked up and down the street. However, there was no sign of her.
Damn...Research Chinese swear words

Suyin was lost. She had been walking around the market looking for Meifang, but she hadn't found her and now she had no idea where she was. She turned and started heading back the way she had come, hoping that she could find the bird stall again when she bumped into someone in her haste.
'Watch where you're going!' A voice snarled and she looked to see a boy scowling at her.
'I'm sorry...' She began, but he gave her a shove, sending her stumbling backwards.
'You will be.' He said and Suyin scrambled to her feet, backing away.
'Please...' She said, but he grabbed her shirt and dragged him towards her with his fist pulled back. With a shriek, she thrust her hand forward and he howled in pain as her palm struck his nose with a crack of bone. He released his grip and she turned to run, stopping as she almost bumped into a figure in a red dress.
'Meifang!'
Meifang grabbed Suyin's wrist in a vice-like grip and dragged her behind her as the boy got to his feet, blood streaming from his nose. His eyes widened as he saw her and he turned to run, nearly tripping over his feet in his haste to get away. Meifang watched him go before turning to Suyin, her eyes narrowed into a scowl.
'What were you doing?' She snapped and Suyin blanched.
'I'm sorry...' She began, but Meifang released her grip and turned on her heel.
'Come. We're going back. Now!'
Suyin hung her head and trooped after her as Meifang stalked away without looking back.


'Why did you do it?' Meifang snarled and Suyin drew her knees up to her chest, not meeting her eyes.
'I'm sorry.' She mumbled. 'I just wanted to look at the birds and...'
'And what if I had not found you?' Meifang asked. 'What would you have done, then?'
'I'm sorry...' She repeated and Meifang took a deep breath, pulling out the chair and sitting down opposite her.
'The city is a large and dangerous place, Suyin, as you have seen. I doubt that boy will treat you with such disrespect in the future, but you still have a lot to learn. Power is nothing without control. Come, it is time for your next lesson...'

'Water is one of the most powerful forces on the planet. ' Meifang said, as she and Suyin sat cross-legged by the stream that ran through the garden. 'And yet, it flows through this garden as gentle, it's power focused and directed. It must be the same with us. Do you understand?' She asked and Suyin shook her head.
'...very well. Think about how you felt when that boy threatened you. You were scared. That fear gave you strength, but it made you act on instinct. You did not think clearly. Do you see?'
'...yes.' Suyin said and Meifang continued.
'You must learn to accept your fear and use it to give you power when you need it. It must not use you. Think on that. Now, are you ready to train?'
'Yes, Meifang....'


Meifang laid Suyin back in bed, gently pulling the covers up to her chin. They had trained for another hour before Suyin grew tired and Meifang had needed to carry her indoors. Quietly, she stood up and was about to leave when Suyin murmured
'Meifang...'
She hesitated with her hand on the door handle before turning back to see the girl looking up at her with wide eyes.
'You need to rest.' She said. 'Tomorrow, I will be taking you to the orphanage...'
'Can't I stay here with you?' Suyin asked. 'You could teach me and...'
'That...is not possible.' Meifang said and Suyin's face fell.
'But...'
'Enough!' Meifang snapped. 'Get some sleep. We have an early start tomorrow.'
Without looking back, she left, closing the door behind her and leant against it, squeezing her eyes shut.


Suyin lay awake, staring at the ceiling, her thoughts running around her head like wild horses.
I don't want to go... Suyin thought, a tear running down her cheek as she lay on her pillow. Despite everything, she was too tired and she soon felt herself drifting off to sleep.

Meifang lay awake in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Suyin staring at her.
Enough. She thought to herself. She's just a girl. She'll be better off with children her own age and then you can have some peace. Now, you need to sleep...

Suyin woke with a leaden feeling in her stomach as she saw that the sun was rising outside. Then, there was a knock at the door and Meifang asked
'Suyin? May I come in?'
'Yes, Meifang.' Suyin said and Meifang pushed the door open, hesitating in the doorway.
'Suyin...'
'I'm sorry, Meifang.' Suyin said. 'I know. We have to go. I'll get up and...'
'That...won't be necessary.' Meifang said, and Suyin's heart leapt. 'You...can stay.'
'You mean it?' Suyin asked and Meifang nodded.
'Yes...'
'And, you'll teach me...?'
'We can talk about that when you're better...' Meifang began, but Suyin launched herself out of bed and wrapped her in a hug.
'Thank you...'

© 2016 David Jae


Author's Note

David Jae
The narrative of my latest eBook. I want to see if it's ready to publish. Opinions and constructive criticism very welcome.

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Reviews

Quite interesting! Maybe a little more description of the Chinese way of life and towns would do good. Otherwise I quite enjoyed the fighting scenes. I also agree with what JCat has to say.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

David Jae

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much.
As ever, my reviews are not meant to seem harsh or rude and I deeply apologie if they do seem so. The greatest dishonor I could insult you with is lying to you, so this will be very honest. And as always, take on what's useful from my reviews and put in the trash what is not.

Your opening line is okay. However, to get an editor, then an agent, then a publisher to consider sponsoring your work it has to be brilliant. This line is heavy on the description but doesn't pose much of a question. Perhaps hone in more on the fact she's an urchin and the difficulties she will be facing. The emotional side, the destitution, and always try and pop a question into the reader's head.

"She had slept, as she did most nights," I think needs to be reversed or the "as she did most nights" needs to be taken out. It's clunky and disturbs the sentence flow. (However, I feel super bad in saying that cause I do that ALL the time.)

"blanked wrapped around her" isn't necessary due to the fact you've already said it's round her shoulders. "one of the alleys, protected from the cold by nothing but that thin, frail shawl/cover/sheet"

"Around her," doesn't need the comma.

"opening, bakers" could be "opening; bakers"

"bakers and fishmongers" to "bakers and fishmongers were"

", so" to ", and"

"heel of her palm" seems confusing word choice, I spent a few moments thinking it was her actual heel.

"with the sharp crack of bone..." This sentence is heavily confusing and hard to picture. Perhaps "struck his nose, and after she heard the sharp crack of bone she wrapped her arm around his neck, crouching down..."

Your use of internal questions and ellipsis is good, but they need italicized

You've mentioned the woman brought out several leaves, but have only mentioned two. This is confusing.

((Sorry there's no more in depth comments for a while. I'm very tired and this is a lot of writing for me))


The girl was watching the fish then watching the women but there's no connection between the sentences.

You've left in "research Chinese swear words" as a note.

Overall Analysis:


I promised you I wouldn't lie, so I won't.

This needs a lot of work. You need more description of locations and emotions, more dialogue, less scene cutting, a better flow, more linkage, italicizing, work on general sentence structure. This piece should be 5000 words long as a first chapter, and those extra 2000 words should have description in them but less scenes or less separation.

BUT this story is sweet. The storyline is one that relates to readers and I really want to see where the story goes. What is the whole plot? Your research is probably very very good, from what I can tell, and the names are great!

I know this might seem disheartening, but everything needs a lot of edits before the editor, who is before the agent, who is before the publisher. And, no I've not published yet, so I might not be the best person to ask.

But I implore you to keep going with this. It needs a deep edit, but this could be a really really great book.


Posted 8 Years Ago


David Jae

8 Years Ago

Thank you for taking the time. This needs to be good, so I appreciate your honesty. It has been a bi.. read more
JCat

8 Years Ago

No problem! As I said, this story is still a really good story. I've been writing since I was 6, I'v.. read more
David Jae

8 Years Ago

Thank you. I appreciate what you've done.

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Added on March 8, 2016
Last Updated on March 9, 2016
Tags: Martial arts, Kung fu, China, Tiger, Shang-hai