See you Later Alligator

Nearly a year has gone past since my last abusive relationship. Now I am in a healthy relationship for once in my life, but I keep having dreams about my abuser.

Honey,

You wake me in the morning

With a kiss on my hand

Asking if I will go with you today

I rustle 

looking through my dark warm eyelids

I had another dream of him

"Sorry hun, I feel sick today. I don't want to."

He holds me tenderly and leaves the room

All I want to do is dream again to find you

When I fall asleep again 

there you are

As nervous and frustrated as you've always been 

Looking everywhere and then back at me

Through your burning eyes

... That's what you always called them... 

The musician that loved poetry. A cliche...

Who wasn't afraid of the fact. As a fact...

I think that's what I miss most of all

I hold your hands in my dream 

I tell you how much I've missed you

Then you repeat this back to me

But as you do then you stop mid-sentence

and start again with our old arguments 

"Is that a lie"

"You wouldn't understand what I'm going through! What I've BEEN through!"

I'm choking on my tears

I know more than most what you are feeling. Please... Remember

We have both been through so much 

We are the only two that understand what the other is feeling

Please... Remember

He smiles and touches my face. I love you. 

I'm pulled from the dream

I wake up, it's nearly two already. 

I breathe in and feel what's been felt before.

A year has nearly passed and I've dreamt of you every night. 

Please. 

Will this drama ever cease? Will this moment of pain decrease. 

I can't believe that I am still having these dreams about you. 

The man that I admittedly still think was my soul mate

The man that I was terrified of 

The man that knew exactly what to say to put me back in place 

The man that I will always want to kiss ...

This is too much. 

I can't get off without thinking about you. 

How dare I even say that. 

You haunt me

When I look to my beloved, outside of the dream. 

I see the man that's actually saved me. 

I went to him because inside I knew that he would treat me right

Unlike so many other men in my life. 

This time, I knew what I needed. 

I needed to stop pretending that these abusive relationships were Love. 

They weren't love. When I tell myself that I don't love him anymore. 

I know that that's not true. 

I will always love him... 

But he will never love me. So... Love unrequited. 

This is who you are. 

Author's Note

Ignore these grammar problems. They were probably on purpose.