Mosquito

Mosquito

A Poem by Dearantlers

Buzz, buzz,

In my ear.

 

Suck, suck,

There goes my blood.

 

Slap, slap,

Hand on my arm.

 

Fly, fly,

It got away!

 

Swell, swell,

Goes the bite.

 

Scratch, scratch,

Fingers go on the bump.

 

Buzz, buzz,

In my ear

© 2011 Dearantlers


Author's Note

Dearantlers
I thought of this poem while I was walking through one of my fields slapping mosquitos. It's not very good, and suggestions of how to make it better would be awesome. Thanks so much for your reviews, and taking the time to read it!

My Review

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Featured Review

This feels like the sort of poem that should rhyme, for example:

Slap, Slap,
hand on arm.

Fly, Fly,
They begin to swarm...

Yeah, I'm not too good at poetry either.
there are some elements that I really like about it though, the repetitive patterns at the beginning of each stanza. that's cool. and how the last stanza is the same as the first, implying that the whole cycle starts over again.

Good job!

Posted 11 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like how the structure is constant and repetitive. And also how it ends with ...

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

quite funny it is really

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

LOL, this is so cute and clever. Enjoyable read.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is cool, its a simple read. Kind of funny. I like how the first and last stanza are the same, ties the piece together well.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
...
LOL, Love this write.
Aweosme!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It was a very light read :-) Very enjoyable.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Liked it! Pretty basic but cute!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

haha, funny poem, i hate mosquito, on other hand who loves it, irritating one, i can just visualize it, i liked the sounds you created in it.....

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

haha I loved it! So funny, and yet so true~

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i like the poem very much, though i feel like some of the lines have excess syllables. good work and keep on writing!!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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18 Reviews
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Added on June 3, 2011
Last Updated on June 3, 2011

Author

Dearantlers
Dearantlers

Where unicorns roam wild, dragons soar overhead, and pickles sing



About
I'm either a girl or a boy. I live somewhere. I like to read and write, though I'm sure you figured that one out since I'm on writerscafe. As of when I'm writing this, I'm 8672487 minutes old. Never m.. more..

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