Snowmobiling

Snowmobiling

A Story by Dearantlers

My favorite place to be is high up in the mountains, sitting on the cushioned seat of my snowmobile, sliding across the fluffy snow. I love the feel of the cold wind, numbing my cheeks as it slides through my helmet. I love to watch the ground for animals prints, whether they be the tiny imprints of mice, or the larger, deeper, less abundant ones of mountain lions. 
When we stop to rest, I mimic the calls of the birds, sitting high in threes. They call out to each other, wondering who these mysterious strangers are. After our rest, my cheeks are no longer numb from the biting wind, but my fingers are, without the hand warmers on my black handlebars.  When the motors roar to live again, and drown out the birds curious calls, my fingers grip the handlebars for the warmth, but my cheeks turn almost a crimson red from the cold. My lips curl into a smile from the joy, but is quickly replaced by chattering teeth from the snow blowing into my face, joining the freezing wind. I breathe in deeply, loving the crisp, fresh mountain air, even though it’s tinged with the exhaust that floats in the air, in dark, opposing clouds. The sun shines down brightly, breaking up the exhaust clouds, but more exhaust just replaces it. The light rays also pierce the snow with it’s warmth, melting the top, that when the sun goes down, will be a hard crusty layer. The light reflected from the snow almost blinds me, even behind my dark sunglasses, and fries my skin to a bright red. My black snow pants absorb the heat, making all but my face toasty. We ride like that all day, our snowmobiles making new paths through the fluffy snow. When it’s time to put the snowmobiles away, there’s a thin, white layer of snow coating the red and black of the whole snowmobile, except where I had sat. I was also covered in a thin layer, though it melted quickly as the sun beat down on it. Every time we finished, I couldn’t wait until I’d get another chance to go again.

© 2011 Dearantlers


Author's Note

Dearantlers
Descriptive essay. Ending needs work. Suggestions would be awesome!

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Featured Review

When the motors roar to live again,
live should be life

That was the only typo I caught. I thought the whole essay was discriptive and full of emotion, but you overused commas. Maybe just read through it one more time, take out a few commas, and you're good to go!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Very descriptive.
lissalovesyou:)

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dearantlers

5 Years Ago

Thank you!!
I enjoyed how there almost seems to be a flow to it somehow. My only qualm is that the last three lines, make it seem more like a recount, so instead of showing your telling. A think maybe a little more description would cover it up though. Apart from that though, good work.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You express much in the emotions of your character, as if you had experience with snowmobiling. I like this story. I think you should leave the ending as is.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

When the motors roar to live again,
live should be life

That was the only typo I caught. I thought the whole essay was discriptive and full of emotion, but you overused commas. Maybe just read through it one more time, take out a few commas, and you're good to go!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on September 7, 2011
Last Updated on September 7, 2011

Author

Dearantlers
Dearantlers

Where unicorns roam wild, dragons soar overhead, and pickles sing



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I'm either a girl or a boy. I live somewhere. I like to read and write, though I'm sure you figured that one out since I'm on writerscafe. As of when I'm writing this, I'm 8672487 minutes old. Never m.. more..

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