we lie sometimes

we lie sometimes

A Poem by deathcabxcutiex
"

laying is for liars

"

woke up cold one Sunday
and abruptly realized
it's been minutes,
it's been days
really, all I can remember

since we've been together,
u n a b r i d g e d
but even when I'm with you,
I miss you
treat me like a stolen glance

eventually you, yes,
even you admit you feel
"there's something in that mess"
so slow down, lie down
let our intentions drop to the floor

chest to chest, feet to feet
embrace our lonely struggles
caress our skin, we're alive
convince our souls
love is all we need
love is all but free

© 2008 deathcabxcutiex


Author's Note

deathcabxcutiex
first nearly complete piece I've written in a long time

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Featured Review

Good stuff. There's a real sense of resignation in this poem, and I like that. It feels real. My only suggestion, if you're interested in revising, would be to incorporate more imagery to paint a picture of what it's like to be lonely in the presence of a signifigant other. But what you have here is great, and you definately get your point across well. Keep up the good work!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Good stuff. There's a real sense of resignation in this poem, and I like that. It feels real. My only suggestion, if you're interested in revising, would be to incorporate more imagery to paint a picture of what it's like to be lonely in the presence of a signifigant other. But what you have here is great, and you definately get your point across well. Keep up the good work!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nice write! I enjoyed reading it, and loved the simplicity of it. I liked the line ..." since we've been together, unabridged". Very nicely done...keep up the great writing.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

thanks. not much, only one.

Posted 10 Years Ago


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i recognized some song lyrics in this. nice.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on December 22, 2008

Author

deathcabxcutiex
deathcabxcutiex

NJ



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I'm impossible to forget, but I'm hard to remember. more..

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