As My Children Watched In Horror

A s my children watched in horror their father and step-father beat me

S o many times I can't count how often it happened over the span of both

 

M y marriages

Y ou just don't know the torture and the torment unless you've lived through it

 

C an't give you any good reason of why I stayed with such men

H ell is what they put us through time and time again

I  loved them both too much but didn't love myself enough to leave

L etting go emotionally was what I was unable to do

D rowning in the fear of the next beating I would endure

R epeat offenses against me as they abused me in front of our children

E ndangering their lives as well as my own

N o one knows the horror first-hand as well as they do

 

W aking up in the middle of the night to yelling and screaming voices

A  child's life becomes a constant nightmare

T his happened to my children and I have a hard time forgiving myself

C hildren should never be caught in the mire of

H eated arguments or be forced to endure abuse of any kind

E specially the beatings of their mother or themselves

D eprived of the innocence of youth

 

I  wish I could take it all away but I can't erase it from their memories

N ow that they have grown into adulthood I can see first-hand the damage

 

H as been done and there is no turning back

O ut of the ashes we have risen as a family

R eliving the past at times in the far reaches of our minds

R epentance of the father's comes to no avail

O nly time can heal these wounds, the scars remain

R ankling resentment, embittering the pain, as our children watched in horror 

Reviews

[Dusty]

This poem brought tears to my eyes. I read it an saw my mother being tossed across the floor again, felt the smarting sting of my father's wedding ring on my cheek... This poem is hauntingly triggering but also timidly beautiful in its own light. It is sad, yet conveys a hopeful message that perhaps not all is doomed. You are quite a talented writer, and my heart goes out to you and your family in these difficult memories.
Wishing you all the best, you are in my prayers and thoughts!

[Belinda Rice]

I know what you are going through I have been there and no its not fun to not only let alone watch your self being hurt and abused, But the children being Mentally messed up from the mans disease...They always say there sorry that they would never do it again but yet you still get beat over and over no matter how much they say sorry I love you. It never changes and never will, We as mother's can only change that for our self and our children.Yes its hard at first but I have see a lot of bad thing..I think this is a great write to express your emotions like this and let it out, I have a Video I made maybe you can go on my profile and see it I watch my mom beat to the floor and its not fun...I suffer till this day knowing what my step father and father did to my mom...You don't have to stay Your stronger in side as a mom and women to survive and leave.I give you my Blessings and I hope you see my Video...God Bless...

[Beatrice Boyle (Grandm..]

Low self esteem is the reason many women have gone through what you have...or re-living your own nightmarish childhood with like parents, will do it every time! (Statistics point out that this behavior is repeated from generation to generation...some accept it as the norm, because that is all they were exposed to!)
Living through it TWICE just confirms this theory.

The miracle of this story is that you finally rid yourself of them and your low opinion of yourself and recognized your need to escape to give the children a normal life.

Neither you nor your children will ever forget, but hopefully, they now ( with counseling) know this was not normal behavior and will live their own and their chldren's lives with good self esteem and dignity...NO ONE deserves this kind of life and it should not be tolerated, but seek help, if not for themselves, then for their children so this cycle will never again be repeated!

Bless you,
Bea (Grandma Bea0

[Legion]

:( Still think you should write a book.

[Kelz]

Unfortunately, you are right, we can't change the past sadly. If this were possible I assure you, we have all done things in the past we regret. This is part of what makes us human. I know it's difficult when you feel you are to blame for not taking your children away from this earlier, but you are NOT to blame for this, those evil and nasty bullies/cowards are the ones that are guilty and deep down, your kids will know this xx I'm only assumiing that you may have went through this of course so am not just speaking to you, but anyone who has had to deal with these soul destroying circumstances. On a lighter note, we grow from such experiences, take strength from them and use that strength to teach the world around us xx

[QuietPoet]

This was heartbreaking. Such emotion in this piece. You did all you could. I am so glad you made it out okay and that you got out when you needed to. Don't blame yourself, blame the men that did this to you.

Great piece of writing. Very deep and heartfelt.

[Yira Simone]

All I will say is that I can relate and I am glad you have the wisdom now to see what you could not see then.

[R J Askew]

I can't understand how or why men are violent to their wives. I don't understand what drives a man to it or what it is like to be such a man. Are they more emotional? lacking reason? What is it that drives men to attack those around them who are weaker than them? Frustration at their own failure? Inadequacy? Testosterone.

[David Lewis Paget]

Only someone who has experienced this trauma could write a piece like this. I feel very sad that you had to go through it, but perhaps in the end it taught you some basic truths about people, maybe even yourself. It did, in the end, give you the resolve to get up and leave, and that's perhaps what you had been lacking. I believe you are stronger for it.
David

[Joseph - Michael]

After finished reading this piece, I nearly forgot to breathe... I cannot imagine the horror that any children went through, it's safe for me to say that I truly understand... I have a son who I love dearly and his mother and I aren't together anymore and she did the dumbest thing; The moment after she and I split, she didn't waste time, yet she screwed up and married someone else, because she got pregnant by him... I never met him, but I've heard some rumors about the fact that he's not really a good person, more like a control freak. I'm still waiting for my son to tell me that something's wrong, then I'd do something to care for my son. No, I never hit or scream at his mother, I'm not that low. Just did the best I could for them...

I don't believe in "Time heal" because there are some things I've never gotten over, but I do believe in the invisible scars, which they are always located at the hearts...

Anyway, I just wanted to say that this is truly a touching creation you've made that left me breathless. You've written it all out so well that should make anyone think more than twice before giving out any actions... Overall, I wish everybody the best of the lucks, and even the mircales, for not going through it...