Hated

2nd poem review plz

Hatred is filled around the world
if it were to be curled
it would contain so much hate
Something unbelievable like fate
For someone's gain
but causing another person pain
Not always right
Leads to many spite
the feeling of unease
doesn't go away like a breeze
The feelings of being bottled
something will break at throttle
Thoughts of view
it will make you
utterly confused
like if you were to choose
that you were to lose
Never finding the answer
just as wanting the cure of cancer
Something unable to comprehend
You are stuck at a dead-end
You are at a feeling of spite
Something done wrong and not noticing the truth
An enjoyable excite of delight
For not feeling the ruth
In the end
we all have friends
able to apprehend
Being able to defend
Do what they intend
Someone not a friend
would comprehend

Author's Note

2nd poem review please

Reviews

[...]

... there's no doubt about the fact that this is beautifully written ... simplicity and profundity can be evidenced in ample measure ... in the first four lines ... the comparison of the measure of hatred with fate is brilliant ... (though for line 4 i'd recommend this modification "unbelievably and almost like fate") ... in the next four lines ... the futility of hatred and how it causes pain to someone for sure is communicated well ... (although i'd recommend immense spite instead of many spite) ... the next set of four lines ... for me is the highlight of this verse ... (though i'd recommend something would break if throttled instead of something will break at throttle) ... these lines express the discomfiture of hating and being hated with poetic finesse ... the next set of seven lines ... is intriguing and unsettling ... as is intended ... for it is ... in fact ... difficult to make choices in a world where one person's preferences might antagonize another ... one never knows who might get offended ... and sometimes we lose out to this fear and decide to not express ourselves ... the comparison with finding the "cure for cancer" is very powerful indeed ... so is this phrase in the next set of six lines ... "not noticing the truth" ... and ... this one too ... "for not feeling" ... there is immense angst here and it is depicted with simplicity and wisdom ... in the final set of six lines ... there is phenomenal complexity ... as a reader ... who has had different kinds of friends for different spans of time ... these lines tell me the dangers of friendships that thwart individuality ... i have had friends who are unable to handle uniqueness and are so vulnerable to low self esteem that if one does not agree with them all the time ... they feel lost ... and so i agree entirely with the incredibly brilliant observation in the last two lines ... "someone not a friend" ... "would comprehend" ... it's only someone who's outside the main play area who would be able to take an aerial view and understand the plight of a friend who has to agree with a close friend constantly ... to rescue the close friend ... and i cannot but marvel at the brilliance of a poet who brings out this facet of existence ... which ... though ... on the surface is not about hatred ... but at the core is ... makes a reader like me sit up and realize that it is with good reason that the greatest have fought for freedom including ... and perhaps most importantly so ... the freedom of expression ... and hence i think this verse is exceptional enough to transcend what it was originally meant to express ... i think it's beyond hatred ... about freedom ... exceptional verse ... was quite a journey ... reading it and absorbing all its nuances ... what an amazing write ... worth every bit of the 100 that it deserves ...

[Lorraine]

Beautiful piece. It seems like a compilation of so many different thoughts and realities about life, such as how much hatred the world has, how one's gain can be another's pain, how feelings are almost always kept bottled inside, etc. It's totally agreeable.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[mrityunjay]

Congratulations! Serah's review of your verse, along with a link to your verse, was featured in our online poetry magazine on a blog called "The Fourth Dimension Blog". It is read by several hundred Indian poets who write in English. (Details in your message inbox)

[untoldtruth]

i agree with Serah's recommendations, and i also think this is a good poem, especially considering it is only your second. your poem brings a hint of desperation and also frustration like in

"Never finding the answer
just as wanting the cure of cancer
Something unable to comprehend
You are stuck at a dead-end"

the fact that your poem is able to get the point across is a *thumbs up* for you because it usually takes a while for one to perfect that ability