Chapter 1: Deadly premonition

Chapter 1: Deadly premonition

A Chapter by dahamsta

Just the beginning ^^

"Yo Alex are you still awake?", asked a familiar voice. A slightly portly man with long hair opened his eyes and said, ''Well I am now Jerrid...'' Jerrid was your casual Joe - pretty much an avarage man in all aspects: grades, sports etc. ''Well Jerrid why did you wake me up?'', asked Alex. "Umm just look around you...",responded Jerrid. Alex decided to do just that and noticed that the teacher was right next to him burning with fury. All Alex managed to say was, "S**t... detected!", before being taken to the pricipal's office. The teacher was in her late thirties, looked ok for her age but nothing exceptional, just brow hair and glasses which looked just like the glasses everyone in sit-coms - the ridicioulously huge ones. Soon enough Alex arrived at the principal's office.
"So we meet yet again, Alex", said Margaret - the school's principal, "Didn't expect to see you so soon." Margaret always had a sarcastic grin on her face and talked accordingly, yet at the same time always tried to do her best to help the students. She was 24 - a surprisingly  new principal, with long blond hair. "So should we call your parents over here or try to talk this through one last time?" said Margaret. The teacher shouted, "This is already the fifth time this month, and the month started five days ago! Please summon his parents here immediately." Alex had a dull look on his face mostly because he couldn't care less about either option. "Even if you call them they aren't going to come here until tomorrow anyway since both of my parents are out anyway, so this leaves only the talking option" claimed Alex. "" Really there isn't even much to say, just don't let this happen again Alex because soon enough you might get suspended.'' Alex responded with a determined smile, "Fair enough."
When Alex returned to the classroom, the break had already started and everyone was talking about the Haloween party that was coming up. Jerrid approached Alex and asked what costume he was going to wear. Alex said, "If possible I won't be goin. I just hate all that demon, fairy and witch crap, why can't people just forget about their old made up stories." Jerrid laughed a bit and said: "Still you aren't far from suspension, can you really afford to skip out on an obligatory event?" All Alex could say was,"Touche.", yet he still smiled for a bit. "So I guess I will see you there tonight." "Like I have a bloody choice..." The rest of the day Alex tried his best to stay awake and somehow succeeded, however, throughout the rest of the day, he had this almost paranoid feeling that he shouldn't go outside his house tonight

© 2011 dahamsta

Author's Note

The grammar will be off, because My native language is not english, so make sure to tell me if you see mistakes that are constantly being made, because otherwise I will never learn how to write properly. :D Don't nitpick the little grammar mistakes like forgotten spaces or something because that kind of thing just happens. About the story itself feel free to rant as much as you want! :D

My Review

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A book about dragon slayers and a character named Alex... I have a dragon slayer in my book named Alex, lol! But she is a girl. And it's not purely a dragon slayer book:)

Anyway, I think you should dwell a little more on each part, it moves forward too quickly. Focus on the character description and the look of the rooms and other spaces where your character is, and the transition between them. It gives a much more vivid image.

Also, check out this;

"Said" is an extremely overused word by many writers(including me!), test out some synonyms, it gives much more feeling:)

Posted 12 Years Ago

id feelings should be listened to..

Posted 12 Years Ago

a great first chapter.

Posted 12 Years Ago

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3 Reviews
Added on September 24, 2011
Last Updated on September 24, 2011
Tags: demon, slayer, Alex, detective, supernatural, shadow



Dobele, Latvia

Just your avarage dude trying to write something because I just got bored. :D more..