....I think that I would like to die tonight...

....I think that I would like to die tonight...

A Poem by Julie Deshtor
"

Poem

"

I think that I would like to die tonight.

I am worn out by this endless war.

Yet here I am again, prepared to fight

for things that do not matter anymore.

 

I am the door you slam when you are mad.

I am the broken dishes in the sink.

I am the monster underneath your bed "

                                that fragile, scary and familiar thing…

© 2011 Julie Deshtor


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Featured Review

A simple feeling can lead to interesting results. I like how you took the opening statement seemingly borne from weariness and concluded with what seems to be doom impending or perhaps the facts of life.

This poem was easy to access yet touched a deep place.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Liked the ten accent meter that worked well. Was unsure of what to make of the quotation mark after bed on the next to last line. Assume that it ia typo, but maybe you intended it. As someone stated below, the first line of the poem is powerful, but what makes it work so well, is that is comes off as an offhand remark. Liked it. The use of "endless war" does work, but I'm feeling that the phrase could be improved in order to clarify. What endless war? What does it mean? In the later lines you seem to clarify it, but early on, I think that it is better if the reader is left dangling a little on line two so that the last four lines bring it all up front, bang, and then the finale, "that fragile, scary and familiar thing...." It's a minor point, and I did like the piece a lot, but buidling to an explanation, and then, I am, I am, I am, with what is almost a volta from a sonnet to end the piece works better I think. Very nice job.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A hauntingly gripping piece.
"I think that I would like to die tonight." The title just stood out.
Great flow and expression.


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A simple feeling can lead to interesting results. I like how you took the opening statement seemingly borne from weariness and concluded with what seems to be doom impending or perhaps the facts of life.

This poem was easy to access yet touched a deep place.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow and wow...excellent, the last four lines brilliant...see this is why its better to leave while everyone still loves each other

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 20, 2011
Last Updated on April 22, 2011

Author

Julie Deshtor
Julie Deshtor

Salt Lake City, UT



About
Julie Deshtor grew up in the Soviet Union during the turbulent 90s, and moved to the United States shortly after the Soviet Empire collapsed in 1991. A bilingual author, Julie writes both fiction and.. more..

Writing
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