Haiku-1

enjoy my first Haiku

                

  Water flows like music

Cold breeze seems to dance

Mountain stands alone there

 

Reviews

[Willard Wells]

While the count could use work, the content and words are beautiful. Like you said, it's your first one. I mess up my count all the time. Some I correct the count and some I just leave to stand alone without the Haiku or Senryu attachment. It is all up to you since this is your vision and words. Thanks for sharing beautiful words.

[vspjaguar]

If the beauty of the mountain is translated into words, this is what we get. A well written haiku.

[....................]

A nice observation of nature but as a haiku it is outside the form (as John and Chris suggest) and haikus typically are literal observations of nature and don't usually offer figurative speech such as simile and personification which you use well, by the way.

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks FT Ledrew. I appreciate this. It seems, I will have to have a re-look over my piece.

Thanks for the compliment.

Devanshu

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Chris is correct about the count and this is more senyru than haiku. Never-the-less it is a good piece of poetry and all forms of poetry started out when someone decided to write and found a form. Well done.

[Chris]

Did you write this in a native language and then translate it to English?

It is very understandable though to be in English the by-line syllable count is off (5 - 7 - 5), though the total syllable count is on at 17.

[Devanshu Rajput]

No, not at all. I write in English, not in native language.

Thanks for reading.

Devanshu

[Perkele.7885]

I am not a specialist when it comes to this poetic form. But, I like your grouping of words in a sensible, readable manner. I do not know the rules applying to the writing of a proper Haiku because I am out of practice but, I applaud your effort here. The picture fits your words well!

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for this wonderful review again.

Devanshu

[stars are far]

i loved the imagery there, that was very deep and kind of bring a refreshing thought to someone.
that was well done :) have a nice day my friend :D

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reading my first Haiku. Too to you too good day.

Devasnhu

[Fran Marie]

a lovely haiku filled with refreshing and vivid imagery ..a delightful read ..indeed, so well crafted

Thanks for this entry into my What's Your Haiku Contest! Nice Work!!

[SheIsMe]

I love reading haiku form and reading this, you can almost smell the clean fresh air. Well done! I have yet to be able to write one.

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reading and stopping by.

Devanshu

[sereenaoutloud]

Nice. i have yet to do one myself but this one was perfectly done!

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reading. You must give it a go.

Devanshu