An Oakley Afternoon

The introduction of the main character and one of her friends.

Weslie Colt Chevelle was in her basement trying to figure out if she should start with a BB gun or a 45.
“Well, Daisy,what do you think?" The gray pit bull just growled and lowered her head.
"You’re right. It’s not a good day to shoot. Let’s go up and see what we can eat."

Weslie ran up the staircase, red locks flying, to find Butch ransacking popcorn bags.
"Butch! Isn’t it Doughnut Eating Day at the station?" she asked.
"That was yesterday. Today, it’s Ransack Weslie’s Kitchen Day!" He said in mock excitement. Weslie sat down at the antique maple table her great-great-great grandmother used. She ran her fingers across the knots and grain of the wood.
    "I wonder what you were like…" she whispered. Butch forcefully put down a bowl of potato and bacon soup in front of her. She noticed how his firm hand had many minuscule wrinkle and cuts, from years of hard work. Although he was 27, the
same age Wes was, he always seemed more experienced, wiser than she. Through their friendship, she had learned of a deeper side of Butch, one past the smiling face and joking manner. Wes looked up at his smiling face, almost like a young child.
Her emerald green eyes filled with care for her best friend.
"Annie Oakley ate too, you know." Weslie took a bite. Butch was indeed a great cook. "Come by tomorrow and ride to Indian Dune with me?"Wes asked.
"Naw, I gotta go to the station. Train the rookies that have yet to learn how shoot a rifle in 5 years. In Texas, no less!" He quipped. With that, Butch was out the door and Weslie Chevelle was left alone again. She loped off and slumped on her bed. She was in a troubled sleep instantly.

Reviews

[madmocha]

Hi Emily, You have a nice, natural style to your writing. I'm guessing, though you don't say, that you're a teenager; if not, I apologize. I only say that because if you are, you're style is mature. Your wording and sentence structure is ahead of many.

I'm looking forward still to seeing what the story is about. I would like to see more of a hook to draw the reader in. Some mystery... something to give more of a sense of what is happening, and also; that something is coming. I know the section is short, but you've already got some good character development starting. Again, it leaves me curious to know what it's all about.

Your formatting definitely could use some attention. There are some tools for reworking the layout if it doesn't transfer over well from a cut and paste. If you have any questions I'm sure there are many, including me, who would be happy to answer any questions

Good work Emily, keep it up.

[Silent Wolf]

Not bad, though the paragraphing is a bit off. Changing around a few words could make some sentences flow a bit more easily, but otherwise good start. for example, when she's asking is he wanted to stop by, she could have said "Wanna come by" to make the sentence flow a bit more easily. It's a little short, but I would assume they might get longer as they go.

[Laughing-Bear]

My Dear Writing Friend,
You have sparked my interest, when is the book coming out?

Blessings, Laughing-Bear