Chapter Three: Mortal Enemy and a turtle

We all arrive and get off the plane. I death stare that damn baby. He shall be my mortal enemy for the rest of the time I’m here.

We go into the school’s great hall, also called the cafeteria. We all sit down and wait for the choosing process. It’s pretty much the same at the other Hogwarts. The houses and that stuff is the same. But only two differences.

One, we don’t have Quidditch. Like most school in this time period, they had to cut it. So now we have “sports” like Rapeball and women’s softball. I’ll explain later about those sports, women softball is confusing.

Two, we don’t have sorting hat. They couldn’t just make two of them. Seems like most of this magic stuff has a twin but it’s weaker. So we had the sorting Yakama. Don’t ask me why.

So we all line up to see where we will get placed. I’m one of the first in line, mainly because I sneak ahead. I really want to be in  Sphyline. I wouldn’t mind being all evil and crap. Also as time went on, I saw a lot of hot girls get placed in Ravenclaw, so that would be fine too.

My turn is now, and I walk up to the Yakama. Some midget places it on my head and it sits there for a moment.

It yells out. “Hufflepuff!”

F**K. What the f**k is a hufflepuff.

I depressing walk back to the table I started at, thinking if there was time to sneak on the plane home. I rather be a hobo then be a hufflepuff. Or maybe I have time to jump out the window. I change direction and go to it when I see Olga up at the Yakama.

It yells out. “Hufflepuff!”

Well now, maybe I should stay

Next up is Edward Jacobs.

Please god, not hufflepuff. Please Buddha, not hufflepuff. Please Satan, not hufflepuff.

It yells out. “Hufflepuff!”

F**k

Oh well, it shouldn’t be that hard to steal a girl from him.

Next up on the day’s plan was assignment of testing and communication animal.

I walk to the line and wait a short time. I go to the counter and say my name. The man writes it down and walks to the back. He comes back with a medium brown box with air holes in it. He cracks the box and motions for me to put my hand inside. I fell something, hard, wet and kind of soft in parts. I think to myself, Please don’t say this guy put his dick in a box.

I pull at the thing and it comes out.

A turtle.

A f*****g turtle.

“What am I supposed to do with this?”

He laughs, “Hey, I just hand the stuff out, it’s all random.”

I sigh. “How do I use a turtle to send messages?”

“Not my problem.”

“Does it at least have laser eye or something?”

“No, just a turtle.”

I point at him, “F**k you.”

I walk to the next event, giving out of the classes. I put down that I didn’t know my “magical” power. So it should be interesting what I get.

I get the paper of my seven classes and I read them:

Mythical Creatures Studies. Interesting.

Study of P***y. Very Interesting

Self-Defense. Well I’m not a woman but whatever,

PORN. How is this a class? DO we make it or watch it? But I still like it.

Rapeball. Damn it.

Underwater basket weaving. I thought that was just a joke..

Chico Studies. Really… I sigh.

Well those are s****y classes. I finish reading them and Olga comes up with Edward.

“What classes you get?”

I tell her and she replies.

“Well you and I have Mythical creatures together. “

“Well that should be a fun class then.” I smirk.

Edward looks at me, “We have underwater basket weaving and self-defense together.”

Looks like I’ll be ditching those classes.

Next thing to do is get my room. I walk into Hufflepuff common room. Before I can settle in, Edward runs up to me and yells out to the center of the room.

“This is my roommate.”

I sigh. I guess it’s better than being roommates with a dangerous creature, badgers can’t hurt me.

We walk to our room. I look inside. Two bunk beds.

“Are you kidding me? Are we in summer camp?”

We walk to our set of beds. Edward leans into me and whispers.

“Can I have the bottom?”

“Why?”

“I have an issue with nighttime peeing. Can I please have the bottom?” His face turns red.

“Oh this makes it so easy to steal his girl.”

“What?”

“Ummm I mean, sure, that’s fine, but you owe me.”

“Alright.”

I really need to learn not to broadcast my thoughts.

Reviews

[Morrigan Nicole]

The classes only men could love. Amazing so far, carrying on!

[K.G. Falls]

I do love the way you write, the bitter sarcasm. I'm going to continue reading :D

[Sleeping Maiden]

lol. wow. I love all the chapters. I simply love how you write your stories. hmm their so intriguing and captivating... it definately brings the reader into the story. I really like your story here! =D I also laughed at many parts throughout the chapters. Nice job on that. =) Wonderful work!!

[A.E. Surdam]

Okay, I so laughed very hard on this one. Funny. I love how the thoughts are right after the classes. And then the ditching part. And the turtle. Classic. This chapter was "awesome".