September 8, 2008

I dont even know what this is

Mk

Just for the record, I've drank about...

well

a lot

of vodka at this point

and here's my current situation:

 

Listening to Evanescence

Slightly (or more) drunk

Lonely

 

 

Third night in a row

it's come to this

drinking

just so I dont feel anything anymore

I know

It's not good

but Im doing it anyways

I enjoy it

I was getting sick of feelings anyways

 

 

Everyday

I see someone

not neccessarily the same person

but someone

someone who

amazes

me

whether it be

astounding beauty

unparalleled kindness

an angelic voice

or a combination of many other things

and not one day

goes by

where i dont wish

i could find her

the one for me

she must be there somewhere

i know it

i'm hopeless

yet

not without hope

a paradox

i know

but still

i know

she is out there

its not a matter of if

but of when

and my only fear is

what if "when"

is too far away for me

what if i give up before "when" occurs

then what was my life for>?

 

Ive had a feeling

for quite some time

that my life is not for me

my goal

is to make someone else feel they are the most important person in the world

i care not about my feelings

but of those of others

my dream

is to find her

that one

and make her know

shes my everything

but again

i fear i may not have enough time

everyday

i put on a smile

and struggle to make it through another day

while i secretly die a little more

on the inside

 

so lately

instead of just being depressed

ive turned to drinking

i wont lie

it makes me happy

even if only temporarily

happy none the less

 

ugh

im pathetic

honestly

these stories

they are nothing

but a mans demise

one day

they will stop

for good

and be but a chronicle of my life

a sad depressing memoir

 

 

as my vision blurs

all i can do is cry

 

 

goodnight writerscafe

thank you all for the helpful comments

 

goodnight myspace

thank my friends

 

goodnight world

thank you for the opportunity

Reviews

[Mackenzie]

You should write me sometime

[Billy]

you know what
i guess
i do care about a feeling of my own
i just want to be loved