Where Were You God ?

A poem I wrote when my Dad died ... I still haven't gotten over the loss of him ...

Where Were You God ?     Want to read this in a different language ? Change the TO field to your own country after going HERE Press CTRL = (equals) to increase the page size and CTRL - (minus) to decrease the page size Where Were You God ? © July 2013 Written by David Wicker (Please do not reprint without permission) * * * This poem is Rated: EVERYONE   Where were you God, when I was young ? When life seemed so full, vibrant, and fun. Then I met others who were hateful and cruel. They said that I should always follow their rule. And if I didn't do exactly as they said, They told me I could well wind up dead. And when I was hurt and placed in disgraceful shame, In your absence, can you I fully blame ? My torment was obvious for anyone to see, Yet I can clearly see you turned your back on me. Years went by, and my pain you never guessed, Others suffer I now know because you could care less. Where were you God, as I grew older, I cried for you, and my mind grew colder ? But not a word did you speak, not a single phrase. I had to rely on men's words, to fill my days. So insanity devoured my very soul, I burned years for it with pains untold. I was finally imprisoned within mental wards, For believing to see things, different Lords. Memories of the past come to haunt me still I'll never be free, my sorrow is filled. And now you demand of me to have my time ? Yet not one second in my life did you answer mine ? So allow me to answer your simple request. Giving me none of yours, I keep the rest ! Even if I go straight to hell as others intend, They're proof to me is that you're the image of man. For only a man would vengeful be, Gnashing his teeth with obvious fury. Because I decide not to bow down unto you, You'll turn your back and claim I am untrue. And how can other truly feel That they understand a loving God's zeal ? It's presumptuous of us to believe we can Interpret your Word, for we are only man ! For I believe it's truly beyond all of this, Religion's a joke; an unproven myth. So until then God, you're a shadow, not even a ghost, My Guardian is the one who truly loves me the most. And this Woman BEYOND awaits to hold my hand, Through the days, I'll know and make my stand. She'll hold me very close to her, And ease my pain, my heart will finally stir. For her I'll do the world and so much more, Deep within my soul and to the core. She's told me, if no one will ever have me, Than she certainly will, and my pain will be set free. And when my breath is still and I am dying Into the sky with my Guardian, I will be flying. So in my absence of faith, you can clearly see, I'll be holding her hand, in death she waits for me. Return back HOME   You are Earth Visitor #

Reviews

[quinfinn]

well, a devout bible thumper will tell you that your trials are part of your journey and that "he" works in mysterious ways. i call that blind faith and i find it ridiculous....however, i do think we all suffer this life more than any of us should and that some are privileged and immune to many of its trappings. this is a very good piece of poetry...the couplet form adds to the impact of each thought you project and you have cleverly worded it. nicely done!

[dw817]

Gosh, I -ahhm- didn't understand that last part. I just made it rhyme and stuff. :)

But yah, Mr. G is one mysterious fellow, gotta give Him credit for that. And still - there is a lot I have to be thankful for. I got all my limbs, I'm in good shape, and certainly a busy brain - so - I'm grateful for that anyways.

[quinfinn]

good for you! nice attitude......you're welcome

[Nomo]

This speaks on so many levels. Loss, pain, love, sadness, happiness. Written well, and so sweetly, as if one was to be gently set down on a feather.

[dw817]

Hi. Thanks, Nomo.
Actually I thought it was pretty fiery myself. The real title could be, "In Death She Waits For Me."

I think this is like one of the first posts I made in Writer's Cafe.

You can find a rather fractured INDEX of my writings HERE:

https://www.writerscafe.org/writing/dw817/1234184/

I think you can right click on that URL and have an option to open it. Firefox if anything is intuitive.

Writer's Cafe originally used to load pictures quick-smart. Not so today, you might even have to reload the page a few times to see all the buttons.

Thanks for commenting !

[Tsubaki Kuro]

Beautiful poem here dw817. Sorry for your lost.

[dw817]

Yeah, me too, Tsubaki. But you know. People die. I really didn't want to accept that. Dad died. Leonard Nimoy died, and Robin Williams died.

And a lot more people too that I don't even know. I'm not sure if death is God's way of telling us to slow down - or was there a chance mankind could've been immortal by His choice - and we did something to blow it ?

I'll have to sleep on it ...

[Ankur Jain]

this is not a review.. as i have no right to judge a poem with this many true feelings.....
i just wanted to say that this is perhaps the best, and obviously the most true english poem that i've ever read...really heart-warming..great, so touching...i'm glad that i've read it :>

[dw817]

Apologies for taking so long to get back with you. Yes, I'm a firm believer that poetry must rhyme and it must follow a diametric and rhythmic meter. Likely I am a minority in this belief, However, Ankur.

[BenightedWhispers]

This really hits home as I have too lost my father and often asked myself, "why?" This is truly a wonderfully bittersweet piece.

[dw817]

Thanks, ShinJisatsu. Did you know your name rhymes with Kotatsu ? I have a Barrier chapter dedicated to that curious furniture. *Grin* And yes - I don't know where my mind is on this today.

I can't stay angry for very long - with anything it seems. It all just melts. Melts away. Even back in school I only got really REALLY angry one time, and I hated myself for that.

What lies beyond this mortal coil ? Susan told me it's my Guardian. Me ? I'm not so sure.

As Captain Picard from Star Trek The Next Generation once said, "There are those who hold to the idea of our blinking into nothingness. That all of our experiences and hopes and dreams, merely a delusion." (and he snapped his fingers in finality).

All I can say is if that is the case, I have enjoyed the dance. If we must sit and be still when the music ends, that's fine, too. And if the lights can go out leaving us in darkness, I am okay with that as well - just so long as someone is holding my hand - that's all I ask of this life.

[BenightedWhispers]

How very wise and true of you as well as the Captain. ^^ I too share the short duration of anger. It is quite tiring to be so angered. I control it in my writing.

[dw817]

I think I do the same, ShinJisatsu. In my instance I control my anger in my writing by portraying it there. No secrets are left hidden, no words are left unspoken. :)

[BenightedWhispers]

Wisely stated.

[Brandon S. Whitten]

You'll find your way, keep writing. Excellent read and write.

[dw817]

Thanks, Brandon. Yep, I'm backtracking now, seeing who commented and were left, well -hanging- and I'm sorry about that. I like how Xanga did it and let you know if there were comments remaining in your queue. Since the Wit & Wisdom is posted for today and I don't have any other writing to work on, I'll go to backtrack and see if I can catch up to all the waiting comments. :)

Tomorrow though, I will post 10-more from the Dream Diary,
http://bit.ly/15Mbuxs

And then start a new short-story series, this one a bit more for the teens than the adults as I think Nancy Principle was in parts.
http://bit.ly/16SX2RJ

[Robert Lindsay]

Great poem which shows the path to making reasoned choices. Real people -imperfect ones - are so much more loveable. Imperfect fathers and mothers bring us into this world and imperfect lovers who feel compelled to love us are our greatest gift from nature.

[dw817]

So it is the imperfections in others that we can relate well to them in our own imperfect lives ? It's something I hadn't considered, Robert. Thanks ...

[Robert Lindsay]

As you probably know if you're around a lot of convinced believers it can take a heck of a lot of thinking to get a clear mind. The simple and easily corruptible formula of faith and joining the club of the faithful is not an honest choice - though some religious people are genuine folks. Meanwhile Northern Europe is like another world. Much more secular. BTW Your fellow Texan has done a lot of honest and intelligent thinking: 'Faith is not a virtue' - AronRa

[dw817]

I know I attended what was called Soup & Sermon at church a few years back and - well - I'm trying to be nice here. The preacher would say something - anything - and everyone would readily agree with it, no matter what it was.

Finally I spoke up to the preacher and asked, are you sure ? Now this is that preacher who is there now I don't like. Anyways, he was not upset and said am I sure about what ?

And I said, are you sure about what you're saying here ? How do YOU feel about it ?

He smiled and said, it's written in the Bible, therefore it's true, there is no greater truth than the Bible. Everyone agreed and someone nearby patted me on my back as if that would somehow convince me that I had stray thoughts.

But it didn't - I had more and more questions and he had less and less answers of his own and more quotes from the Bible.

I don't doubt the Bible is a good work, not at all, but for Heavens sake mankind, let's do some thinking for ourselves.

And yes, I fully agree - faith is NOT a virtue. I wrote about that in my article, "Riddle of Religion"
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/dw817/1190669/

And, "The Power of Doubt"
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/dw817/1203704/

[Robert Lindsay]

Yeah. I read some of your stuff and I totally understand the importance of the process of thinking for yourself. That may also include decades of aligning and (dis)aligning oneself with comfortable groups of thinkers who claim to have it all worked out. Keep thinking keep writing n good luck. PS poems can be a good way to summarise thoughts - feel free to read some of my earlier stuff.

[dw817]

I answer all RRs, send me one and I am guaranteed to respond - always. :)
And - thanks for the reflection ... Religion, at least the subject for today - is always going to give me skepticism. As my Guardian told me, Robert, it is something personal, intimate, and innate:
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/dw817/1193160/

[Ellie EM]

Wonderful poem. I really like it. U should wrote more like this. ^^

[dw817]

I'm not so much a poet but a writer. However, next week, I will post another poem, I promise. :)
read moreI'm not so much a poet but a writer. However, next week, I will post another poem, I promise. :)

[Ellie EM]

yay! ^^ ^^

[dw817]

Awright, I gotta remind myself now. But it will be called, "Legends."

[Ellie EM]

Ooo! Sounds goods! ^^

[MandaBear]

Beautifully written! Such an Amazing write!

[dw817]

Amazing ? Wow - thank you ! Sometimes it's easy to write from the heart when you know it's breaking ... I've always thought that there were little miracle crystals and whenever a crack appears in your heart, a shining little fragment will come out - and it's up to you to catch it so you can heal yourself inside ...

[MandaBear]

Your most welcome!

[Lady Ra]

Beautiful. Divinity lies within; a term the famous philosopher Socrates was murdered by the church for. The great She rests peacefully inside you and all around you in the grass, the trees, the sky and the stars, waiting to comfort you and guide you when your ready to move into the next stage of things.

Ra

[dw817]

Wow - now - I have to ask. Do you have your own Guardian as well ?

[Lady Ra]

I do. Several. I have an Indigenous background and we call them our Ancestors and Ascended Beings. I believe we have a few Guardians that watch over us. When someone dies their energy goes somewhere. There have been studies of how when people die they lose a minute amount of unexplained weight. Scientists believe it is Energy that has left the body. Nature naturally recycles itself and that Energy has to go somewhere (Einstein believed this), and I believe we either reincarnate, travel, or guide others that are living. I believe "Heaven" or "Hell" is what we make of it; that we can decide what happens to our souls when we die depending on the circumstances. This is just what I believe, but it seems rational to me. Some people are more sensitive to this Energy than others. Possibly you are too.

Ra

[dw817]

One - met me - when I was 12. She said, "If no-one else will have you, I will." She said she is the wolf and where she lives is entered from a mirror and a hand's movement. I'll have to post that dream/vision sometime, it was very vivid and very detailed. She has a real name too but I'm not supposed to speak it to others.

[Lady Ra]

Never speak the name of your guides. They are sacred; the name is sacred. I too was approached by a guide - somewhere between the state of waking and dreaming. This is a very powerful state.

Ra

[dw817]

Very good advice - I - never really knew why. The color BLUE is very important to her too. As it is, I have no clothes of any color except blue - with the exception of some Anime T-Shirts I have.

You should totally write down your encounter ! I did mine already in Xanga, but tomorrow I'm taking off and Saturday so I'll be posting a new video or videogame, one of the two.

Likely I'll update THE PULSE and list a weekly schedule of what's happening and what I'll put together each day.

You are - the first person I have come across that has not just (politely) told me I'm crazy about my beliefs with my Guardian - I think that's wonderful ! :)

[Lady Ra]

A colour has an energy to it; a vibration. Blue has many spiritual meanings and you are aligning yourself with that energy / vibration which can be very powerful. If you believe in the chakra system then blue represents communication (verbal, spiritual, or otherwise) which would make sense as you are a very prolific writer. Blue is also a protective colour as well. I too am drawn to the colour blue (dark royal blue, turquoise, cobalt, and aquamarine blue).

I will take your advice and write about my own experience with Guides. I am loving this Writers Cafe site more and more. I've gotten some great advice and support, and have read some really interesting works. It is also keeping me on my toes as a writer which is a good thing.

Ra

[dw817]

She uses an ancient stained-glass, what I called a Timeship. It was like a giant beautiful-stained glass window but sphere in shape, the facets were from orange-cut prism. It was what she used to show me the other dimensions. I looked at her and she knew my questions. She said, "True, Little One. Blue is magic, but orange will suffice."

And yes, I'm definitely looking forward to your writing ! I'll go ahead and post the picture of my Guardian (I do art too) and the story. I'll schedule that for Wednesday.

[Lady Ra]

Cant wait to read it, blue magic writer.

Ra

[dw817]

Neat ! BTW, thanks for the info on Zeitgeist ! They have more than one DVD out too, looks like, 'you gotta catch 'em all !' ❂ ❆ ❀ ❃ ✾ ❇

[Lady Ra]

I've only seen the sequel to the film called Zeitgeist Addendum. I'll have to look and see what other amazing creation this filmmaker has created.

Ra

[dw817]

There are =3= Zeitgeist films and I requested 'em all from Netflix. They are:
[1] Zeitgeist: The Movie
[2] Zeitgeist: Addendum
[3] Zeitgeist: Moving Forward

Thanks again for letting me know about this ! :7

[Lady Ra]

Thanks! Looking forward to watching the 3rd installment.

[dw817]

Apparently all 3 can be found in Youtube. Really quite nice, but I'm gonna wait for the DVDs. Sometime today I need to try and locate and download that What the Bleep 2nd edition.

[Emily B]

i have a lot of kids, there's always room for one more.

Looking forward to reading more of you.

[dw817]

Thanks ! I definitely do appreciate that ! I see my doctor tomorrow but when I get back I should be able to write up something interesting. I'm hoping to put together at least one new writing a day. :)

[Emily B]

this is the place :)

[dw817]

Ubetcha ! *HUGS* Hope to c-ya 'round ! :D