Wit & Wisdom - July 15th 2013

Wit & Wisdom - July 15th 2013

A Chapter by dw817

We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.


  W&W Jul 15th 2013  


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01. We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

02. Love is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it but only you can feel it.

03. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I get to keep his house.

04. Most relationships are not made in heaven. They come in kits and you have to put them together yourselves.

05. There is one thing I would break up over my G/F for and that is if she somehow caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that !

06. You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

07. I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

08. What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.

09. It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.

10. Having a positive mental attitude is having a curious mind and asking how something can be done rather than saying with defiance that it can't be.

11. Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.

12. There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as the expectation of something tomorrow.

13. You have a cough ? I'm sorry to hear that. The cure is to eat a whole box of Ex-Lax before you go to bed tonite. Tomorrow morning you'll be afraid to cough.

14. If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made in the shade because very few people die past that age.

15. Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

16. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never - her age.

17. Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.

18. Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die; do not outlive yourself.

19. There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents and only one day for birthday presents, you know.

20. A well-adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows in advance what she's going to exchange it for.

21. The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

22. At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment.

23. When you are young, you don't know what zipping a fly is for. When you get older, you do. When you get older than that, you forget to zip up your fly. When you are oldest, you forget to unzip it.

24. It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that someone has remembered mine.

25. If you can DREAM it, you can DO it.


A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

27. Life is a moderately well-written play with a badly written third act in it.

28. I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

29. I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather on his deathbed, sold it to me for a good and reasonable price.

30. You know you're getting old when you stoop down to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there from the exerted effort.

31. We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God is responsible for our next-door neighbor.

32. When did I realize I was God ? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

33. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

34. The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

35. Girls are like phones, they like to be held and talked to, but if you press a wrong button on them, you lose the connection.

36. A good friend will lend you an umbrella when it rains. But a GREAT friend will take your own umbrella away and yell, "Run you idiot, you're getting wet !"

37. My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened to me, unfortunately.

38. Don't tell God how Big your Storm is, tell the Storm how Big your God is.

39. Four things never come back to you: the spoken word, the sped arrow, the past life, and the neglected opportunity.

40. The first and most important step toward success is the initial feeling that we can indeed succeed.

41. Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a Gift. That's why it's called The Present.

42. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but few think of changing themselves.

43. Our five human senses are incomplete without the sixth one -- a sense of humor.

44. Success usually comes to those who are too busy to look for it.

45. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. Were they wrong ?

46. Old age takes away what we’ve inherited and gives us what we’ve earned.

47. When the world yells at you, "Give up fool !" Hope whispers quietly, "Try it just one more time."

48. Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful at it.

49. You can if you think you can.

50. The hard way is the right way.

Which of these can you relate to and why ?

See you next week with 50 more !

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© 2013 dw817

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