TDM 02 "Fum Is All Thumbs"

TDM 02 "Fum Is All Thumbs"

A Chapter by dw817

Fi looked forward and the camera closes up on her panicked face, still affected by the weird time-distortion, "You told us to enter light-speed within Earth's atmosphere ! We're gonna burn up !"


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The Lost Saucer
Can't Get Off This Crazy Ride !

© September 2013 Written by David Wicker
Please do not reprint without permission



* * *

This chapter is Rated: EVERYONE

Just then there was the sound of canned laughter from the situation the group on the saucer were in.

"What was that ?" Alice wanted to know as she steadied herself from the rocking which even now was beginning to stop.

"What was what, dear ?" Fi asked her politely, grabbing onto the console to stabilize herself as well.

"That - that weird laughter." Alice looked all around. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to get on board this crazy saucer after all.

"Oh, that !" Fi said and smiled broadly, "Well, don't you worry about that. We learned long ago that those voices are just here to cheer us on !"

And with that there was the sound of one person applauding and yelling off stage, "We love you Alice Playten !" followed by thunderous cheers and more clapping, clearly from teenagers all around the world who loved this crazy and outdated show.

"Okay." Alice mumbled a little embarrassed and now more than a little afraid at the onset of fans following her every movement. "Right, well, let's go back home now, shall we ?"

"Already ?" Jerry asked. It was clear he wanted to stay a little longer and was playing with DORSE.

"Yeah," Fum added. "Can't they stay just a little longer ? It gets lonely all up heres in space ! We can show them our home-world, all of robots and they is just like us !"

Fi was stern, "No. No, she is right. I'm certain it's past both of their bedtimes, and besides. The door to their house is still open. You wouldn't want burglars getting in, would you ?"

Fum shook his head, "Nossir !"

Fi scowled, "You mean, no ma'am !"

Fum looked confused, "No ma'am what ?"

Fi had had it and walked around the console to smack Fum again on his back but before she could - suddenly a weird green glow entered the ship and dramatic music, off-sync to the event started to pump into the speakers.

"What's that ?" Jerry asked more than a little afraid and reached out to touch it not feeling anything.

"I'm not sure." Fi asked and went over to a computer console to hit buttons which made friendly and cheerful bleeps and blurps as she examined the phenomenon.

Suddenly Fi gasped in fear, "Sensors say it's a magnetic cloud !"

"What ?" Alice smiled, "Magnets can't hurt you, me and Jerry play with refrigerator magnets all the time."

"Oh, but you're not made out of metal like me and Fum ! This magnetism is so strong it could effect our circuits !"

Fum looked guilty, "Oh oh ! We're caught in Earth's Magnetic Field ! I didn't compensate for it in our trajectory and coordinates cause we left in such a biggo hurry !"

"You idiot ! You dishwasher set on spin cycle ! How could you !?" Fi raged. More canned laughter emitted from the speakers.

"I'm sorry sir, uhh, ma'am. I just wasn't thinking !"

Fi was crisp in her speech, "Well, we need to leave orbit, clear the sensor arrays, and then we'll return you two kids back home."

"Ok." Jerry said agreeably. He liked DORSE and hugged him and wondered if the furry creature could stay on Earth with him.

"Fi, I'm scared." Fum said as the green glow increased and menacingly started to float towards him.

"Keep a stiff upper oscillator !" Fi said in a firm voice. "Go to initiate protocol 17-23-15 !"

"Yes ma'am !" Fum said and went to his console to enter in the command.

After a moment there was a new interesting digital sound and the air cleared and the weird green glow left, but it was replaced by a smaller and dimmer red one that appeared and attached itself over Fi's back and a blue one also appeared over Fum's back.

"That it ! We got it ! We got it !" Fum said, unaware of the glow and went over to give Fi a hug.

All of a sudden there was a sound like a stretching coil and he rolled over her front and followed by a metallic clank, he locked his back with hers and both of their arms and hands smacked noisily against their sides.

"What is this ? We're stuck ! What happened !?" Fi said and tried to pull away, but Fum only fell on top of her then and they struggled to get back up using their legs only.

"Oh no, what can we do ?" Alice asked, concerned now they may not be able to get back home after all.

Fi assured, "We're going to be alright, kids ! Apparently the magnetic field managed to polarize our bodies before it was cleared. Unfortunately, I don't think I can move. I can try."

She tried to raise her arm and when she did sparks appeared at her wrists followed by a small flicker of a fire and a warning klaxon sounded from the speakers. Dorse started making -ahhm- 'dorse' like sounds of alarm in the din.

Alice panicked, "Oh no ! You're on fire ! Where's the extinguisher ?"

* * *

Fum rotated around as Fi disappeared behind her, her legs in the air and their back plates still stuck to each other.

"It's over there ! Hurry !" he said and motioned with his head to a far wall.

Fortunately even though everything else on this saucer was made out of Christmas lights and cleverly painted cardboard, the extinguisher was a real one, like they used for safety in houses, and with Fum turning back around, Alice managed to blow the foam onto Fi's wrist where it stopped sparking.

"We're in a real jam !" Fi said and shrugged miserably, her arms and hands still stuck tightly to her sides, the same as Fum's.

"What flavor ?" Fum asked sounding a little hungry behind her. "Cause, I could sure use a peanut-butter and jelly sammwich right about now and my favorite jam is strawberry ! Do we have any strawberry jam left, kids ?"

Fi leaned her head forward and jerked it back suddenly to konk Fum in his dense head making a comical metallic clanking sound, "You idiot ! It's not time to eat ! I mean - we're in real trouble here !"

Fum sounded sad now, "I'll say we're in trouble. We're all out of strawberry jam !"

Even Jerry had to laugh at this. Alice got serious though, "Okay, then what can we do to get back home ?"

Fi explained, "If you can guide us back in on the trail we left to approach Earth, the magnetism should release us once we touch down on the surface of the planet - and you kids can go back home."

"How do we do that ?" Jerry said standing up from DORSE to see if he could help.

Fi bounced on her feet making little metallic clinking sounds with each step and with Fum still stuck to her back she hobbled over to the center console.

"Okay, Alice, is it ?" she said looking at her.

"Yes ma'am." Alice replied.

Fi hobbled to stand behind her and looked down, "Good, now, you see this little knob here ? It rotates to the left and to the right and it can be pushed up, down, left, and right, as well as having the ability to being pulled in and out !"

Jerry whistled, "Man, that's one crazy joystick !"

Alice agreed and put her finger on the console right next to it, "This one ? Okay. So what do I do next ?"

Fi looked at her and thought for a moment, speaking over her shoulder, "You need to push it back twice, left once, and tap it three times forward."

Alice got a serious look on her face, "Towards me 2 times, to the left once, and pushed ahead 3 times ?"

Fi nodded, "You got it. I'm right here, you're going to be fine. We're going to get through this."

Alice went to the knob which was really quite pretty in truth. Round like a candy disc and shimmered like a rainbow.

She then put her hand on it and without thinking twirled it slightly in her grip to see how sensitive it was. All of a sudden the ship started shaking violently and a warning beep started up from the ceiling with new red lights flashing.

"Gently !" Fi told her. "Be gentle with the knob, it's very sensitive."

Fum added from behind Fi, "Yeah, it's real sensitive, you gone to hurt it's feelings !"

Fi struggled against the magnetic hold on her arms and shifted her shoulders left and right making a sound of stretched metallic coils. Finally she growled, "If I were free I'd give you such a smack !"

Fum shook his head still out of sight, "Well GOOLLYY ! I is just trying to help is all."

"You can help by being quiet, please. I need to concentrate on this." Then she faced Alice again. "You remember what I told you, dear ?"

Alice nodded, "Yeah, back twice, left once, and up 3 times."

Without waiting for any more directions she reached over to the knob and did as she was instructed. As she did so melodic pings came out of the speaker, like getting the right combination for a game show. A bright blue light suddenly appeared beside the knob signifying a correct command.

The center display in the transparent acrylic semi-sphere from the center of the column lit up and a scene of stars was quickly replaced by an aerial view of flying over the city at night, beautiful in truth. After a moment of speed faster than any jet could travel, they were hovering over the house where Jerry lived and Alice was babysitting for the weekend.

"Good job, Alice !" Fi said appreciatively and then she wriggled her way to the other side of the console to look at some settings. Then she rotated around to look at the far wall as Fum faced her across the console.

Fi turned her head to talk to him, "Fum, we're almost ready to land, and that will release us ! I need to monitor this. Give her the last commands to land, there are only 2 of them. You =DO= remember what they are, don't you ?"

Fum looked proud for a second, "Yes ma'am ! I sure do they are - "

Fi interrupted him, busily looking at her console, "Don't tell me, tell Alice !"

Fum looked across the console and grinned broadly, "Well howdy there Alice !"

Alice smiled slightly, "Hi Fum. So how do you land the saucer from here ?"

Fum's face screwed up in a frown thinking for a minute, "Oh ? Oh that's right ! it's easy peasy ! On that old knob push back and left on it."

"That sounds simple enough." Alice said to herself and, eager to get back home, she took the knob and pulled it towards her and then to the left.

Suddenly the lights went out in the saucer entirely except for a warning set of red trailing lights in the ceiling and everybody was thrown hard against the far left side of the saucer.

A camera from ground level outside showed the ship hovering above the house and then tilt at a hard 45 degree angle and then there was a bright blur that burned on it's surface like an after-effect and the saucer promptly evaporated with no trace of movement.

The camera back on board the ship blurred and showed a warp effect causing a weird stretching look to their vision, and most of the lights were out showing deep and odd shadows.

"What's wrong ? What'd you do now you idiot !?" Fi demanded of Fum in a weird echoey voice.

Fum defended himself and his own voice was stretched out eerily, "I didn't do nothing wrong ! I just told her back and left !"

Fi immediately knew what the problem was. "You idiot ! That's the opposite direction ! It's because you were on the other side of the console, wasn't it ? You don't know your left from your right ! It's forward and right from her side !"

Fi looked forward and the camera closes up on her panicked face, still affected by the weird time-distortion effect, "You told us to enter light-speed within Earth's atmosphere ! We're gonna burn up !"


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© 2013 dw817

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