The Dog Ate My Homework

The Dog Ate My Homework

A Story by dw817
"

Ms. Arable spoke, "Dev Borne, Where is your homework, young man ?" To which he replied, "My dog ate it. He loves homework. It makes a good digestion aid for the cheap hard dog food my Mummy buys."

"

  The Dog Ate My Homework   
 


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THE DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK

Ms. Arable addressed her 3rd grade pupils.

"Okay class, now as per last night, you should've read chapters 18-19 in your History workbook and answered the questions there."

She stepped from around her desk and went up and down the tables sequentially to collect the classes homework.

"Suzy Quince. Good."

"Jeremy Rathers. Fine."

"Tyr Cryshta." Tyr suddenly beamed a totally disarming smile up at her. Ms. Arable's left eye twitched uncomfortably at the sudden friendliness in her, not at all like her.

"Umm.. Nevermind, Tyr." she said, hurrying her steps to get past her. She continued to travel down the rows.

"Dev Borne." and she paused for a moment to look at his blank desk. "Where is your homework, young man ?"

Dev swallowed hard and drummed his fingers on the desk for a moment before smiling and replying.

"My dog ate it, Ms. Arable. He loves History homework. It makes a good digestion aid for the cheap hard dog food my Mummy buys for him."

Ms. Arable tilted her head quizzically to him not believing his story for a minute, "Dev, you don't HAVE a dog. Try again."

And then the rest of the class got quiet and peered over to hear what Dev would say to justify WHY he had, once again not done his homework.

What would you say ?



Welcome to what could be the most complete listing of valid reasons why you, once again, had not completed your homework for your dear and loving teacher.

While you might be able to use the first excuse one time, it won't hold up again so you are welcome to refer to this comprehensive glossary of perfectly valid reasons why you didn't bring in your homework for her to grade and return back to you.




01. "I thought it was due tomorrow !"

02. "The cicadas outside the window made it impossible to concentrate !"

03. "The wind caught it and it flew out the window down the gutter."

04. "It's in my locker and I left the key to my locker at home !"

05. "It fell off the bathroom counter where I left it for a moment into the cat's litterbox and the cat came along to use the litter."

06. "The nice man with the sign says the end is HERE. No one does homework on the eve of the apocalypse, right ?"

07. "I avoided potential drive-by shooting by staying below window level all night. The lighting was insufficient to do my homework."

08. "Aliens came down from a flying saucer and demanded it as proof of intelligent life on Earth."

09. "The police finally got wise to that oregano excuse I gave them a year ago and they paid me a visit last night."

10. "I Had to go with my Daddy to bail my Mummy out of jail, again !"

11. "I fell asleep. I was sooo exhausted from working on OTHER homework all night long."

12. "I did all my homework in my head, I didn’t know I was supposed to write it down ? Then I forgot. Next time should I show my work ?"

13. "I had to take pictures of the leaves changing colors last night."

14. "My little sister made a paper airplane out of it and she accidentally flung it on the roof."

15. "I had it neatly folded in my pocket before I got home but my Mummy washed my clothes and it got all torn up."

16. "I was too heartbroken by my team's loss to study."

17. "Did you know CNN is on 24 hours a day ? I got caught up watching it on what was REALLY important in the world."

18. "I'm so sorry. I was out smoking marijuana with my friends."

19. "Sorry, I was doing LSD and writing down the effects for a psychology report outside schoolwork curriculum."

20. "I was SO inspired by what I was reading in the book that I just had to go outside and celebrate nature !"

21. "I just couldn’t concentrate on it. Besides, I’m on prescription medications for anxiety."

22. "I’m Muslim, it’s Ramadan, and I was too hungry to do my homework."

23. "I got mugged on the way to school by bullies and they took my lunch bag along with my homework."

24. "My baby brother threw up on my home work."

25. "My mom put my homework in the washer."



26. "I'm sorry, but I can't turn in my homework because my cat threw up on it. Wanna see cause I saved it ?"

27. "I spilled lemonade on my homework and its drying on the radiator at home."

28. "I swear I did my homework, but I was abducted by aliens, and they kept it for their Earth research."

29. "I was so busy last night, I forgot my homework."

30. "I made my homework into a paper plane, and it was taken from me by some bigger bullies of a different school."

31. "On the way to school, I was feeding the ducks, and my homework fell in the water. A duck ate it."

32. "I didn't do my homework cause I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad."

33. "A sudden gust of wind blew my homework out of my hand and I never saw it again."

34. "My mom used it as a dryer sheet and it tore up in the dryer after use."

35. "It's against my religion to do any homework. Talk to my preacher if you have a problem with that."

36. "I felt it wasn't challenging enough. Don't you have anything difficult ?"

37. "My parents were sick and unable to do my homework last night from me starving them. Don't worry, they have been suitably punished and promise to have it done tonite."

38.
"We had homework ?!"

39. "I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload. A teacher needs her Zzzs."

40. "I spent the night at a rally supporting higher pay for our hard-working teachers. Yea teachers !"

41. "My Mom was so eager to try out a new shredder she bought that she accidentally shredded it with it. The shredder works."

42. "My house was being fumigated when I got back home yesterday and I didn't want to go in there and suffocate just to get it !"

43. "A bunch of perfectionist nerds from a different school stole it to make sure theirs was completely perfect. I didn't know my schoolwork was that good !"

44. "I left it with someone to copy it but they never gave it back."

45. "I forgot and left it in my locker last night after the school closed and locked up !"

46. "My cat peed on it thinking it was a newspaper that we put down just for her."

47. "I thought I'd get a better grade not doing it and studying rather than doing it and not having any time to study later."

48. "I hadn't finished copying my friend's answers on it to it yet. Between the two of us we can get one homework page done between us."

49. "I was reading it on the way to school, checking for errors, and the wind blew it away from me. Honest !"

50. "You do NOT wanna know what happened to it !"





Dev thinks quickly and points to the window, "Look ! Isn't that Jaime Escalante taking autographs out there !?"

Ms. Arable looked away suddenly with keen interest and Dev reached into his desk to consult his list of 50 excuses. He sneaks the page back in the desk before the teacher returned, unable to see him, and waited for him to quip his excuse for today.

"Well Dev, I'm waiting !" she said angrily starting to tap her foot impatiently.

"Well - ahhm - I just couldn’t find my motivation. Besides, I’m on prescription medications for anxiety. Dincha know that, Ms. Arable ?"

Her face softened for a moment, "Well yes, Dev, now that you mention it, I think you are on medications, but what could you possibly be so anxious about every day that would require them ?"

Dev's face took on a very serious look and as if he were looking at an apparition. Then he slowly turned his head to look back at Tyr who only beamed him a friendly and innocent smile.

Turning  back in his seat he faced the teacher, "You don't wanna know, ma'am !"


"Hmm.." she said, apparently satisfied with his answer and went on to the next desk.

Dev looked ahead of him to Tyr in the next desk who was grinning back at him and clasping her hands in the air shaking them as a sign of his victory although clearly it was her shenanigans and consistent mean teasing to him that kept him so anxious and upset all the time.

Dev slumped back in his chair and felt the air puff out of him. He had gotten away with another day of not doing homework, but how long could he keep it up ... ?




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© 2013 dw817


Author's Note

dw817
Which of these can you relate to ?

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Featured Review

*gasps in horror* You don't ACTUALLY think I EVER had to make an excuse for NOT TURNING IN MY HOMEWORK?!
I actually mean that. I have never in my whole life failed to turn in my homework unexpectedly. Obviously, there were a few times I was unable to go to school because of some family thing but I always turned in all my homework when the teacher and I arranged. Teacher's Pet that's me...I think it's also called brown-nosing. :P

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

5 Years Ago

No excuse for turning in homework for me usually sent me to the Principal's Office. No fun there ..... read more



Reviews

*gasps in horror* You don't ACTUALLY think I EVER had to make an excuse for NOT TURNING IN MY HOMEWORK?!
I actually mean that. I have never in my whole life failed to turn in my homework unexpectedly. Obviously, there were a few times I was unable to go to school because of some family thing but I always turned in all my homework when the teacher and I arranged. Teacher's Pet that's me...I think it's also called brown-nosing. :P

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

5 Years Ago

No excuse for turning in homework for me usually sent me to the Principal's Office. No fun there ..... read more
I love it , I wish I had this list back when I was in middle school

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

Actually I think today's teachers are a lot smarter than this. There's a good chance any of them wou.. read more
Did you write all of them? I was laughing my heart out! Witty responses, eh? When I'm going to be a teacher one day, I should watch out for such excuses. Very hilarious and clever list! I love all of them. :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

A few of those up there are mine. The others are those I heard in school from other classmates or fr.. read more
I like 11 and 50. I did try to use "My baby brother took it and colored all over it." That did not work. Perhaps I should have fainted.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

Actually Annie, I would think that was an excellent excuse. I know last time I visited Carlos I let .. read more
annie lee

6 Years Ago

yup, lessons learned are usually initiated by loss.
well It was a very diffrent story, well done, I very much liked it and in certain instances laughes as I remembered those times at school. I would have chosen 15 as it is more realistic to betay the poor arable. really, really like it, well done.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

I actually had #15 happen with me onetime. Dad does the laundry and I had a hole in my backpack. I t.. read more
Baban.A.A

6 Years Ago

haha, I can see.... so mischivioue!!!!!.... well I was bad in telling stories, very closly read by t.. read more
As a former teacher and a former student, I have heard a lot of excuses for not turning in an assignment on time, but you certainly have created an impressive list here. Your presentation is superb. VERY entertaining read. I am smiling. Lydi**

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

I'm glad you liked 'em Lydia. I also put out a Wit & Wisdom series every Monday which has 50 smart r.. read more
wow, superb, i mean i never thought of so many excuses wish i had them when i was at school, cause i am lazy creature as far as writing goes.

not the least you have written is very interestingly.

best wishes

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

Hello Prritiy (pretty ?) There were more days I didn't do my homework I can't remember. One teacher .. read more
Prritiy

6 Years Ago

no longer now, thankfully :) yes but at time we dont we are taking responsibility :)
you are w.. read more
This was great, some of those excuses are quite creative (not sure if they would get past the teacher), but good all the same. My favourite was no. 7, I loved that one.
The excuse that I always used (which isn't on here), is that I wrote it in a different book to my normal book, because I couldn't find my normal book at the time, so I didn't bring it. Worked like a charm.
This was very entertaining to read, gave me a good laugh.


Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

I dated (very briefly) a girl who had real drive-by shootings at her home. While she said she was us.. read more
This was an immensely entertaining story. It was short, sweet, and to the point. I am charmed by your writing, and it drew me in, and wouldn't let me stop reading until it is over. I am familiar with #'s 18, and 38. I love the sarcasm factors of some of the answers. All in all, an extremely good story.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

#18 is definitely not mine. However I did put in #1, #21, #38, and #50. Likely I remembered #38 well.. read more

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Added on October 17, 2013
Last Updated on October 17, 2013
Tags: davidw, dog ate my homework, lost my homework, didn't do it, cicadas, down the gutter, left in locker, bathroom counter, cat's litterbox, end of the world, out of jail, paper airplane, heartbroken, marijuana, LSD

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dw817
dw817

Fort Worth, TX



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