Wit & Wisdom - October 28th 2013

Wit & Wisdom - October 28th 2013

A Chapter by dw817
"

Don't question GOD, as he may say, if you are so eager for answers, then please come on up.

"

  W&W October 28th 2013  

 

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01. Don't question GOD, as he may say, if you are so eager for answers, then please come on up.


02. When I say 'I'm sorry,' It usually disarms them.


03. A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do you mean ?" responded her mother. The little girl replied, "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another ?"


04. But what is a kiss ? To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity.


05. I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.


06. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask the voice, "Where have I gone wrong ?" Then the voice politely says to me, "This is going to take more than one night to answer."


07. Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive.


08. Do what you can today so you can relax tomorrow.


09. Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.


10. Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong.


11. Can you imagine a world without men ? There would be no crime and lots of happy, fat women.


12. Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.


13. Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you at next.


14. Those who live by the sword, die by those who carry a pistol instead.


15. You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave butt-prints in there anyways ?


16. A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.


17. I was walking home one night and came across a guy hammering on my neighbor's roof and called me a paranoid schizophrenic In Morse Code.


18. The face of a child can say it all, especially from the mouth.


19. Love is a wonderful thing. You never have to take it away From one person to give it to another. There's always more than enough to go around.


20. We the unwilling, following the unknowing, are doing the impossible. We have done so much for so long with so little that we are now able to do anything with absolutely nothing.


21. Some people admire my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of actually listening to and following it.


22. In the future everybody will be world famous for fifteen minutes.


23. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.


24. Women say all men are the same, but they have no problem telling you how different you are from Mel Gibson.


25. One should learn to love animals. They all taste good with ketchup.



26. It's pretty hard to pull your foot out of your mouth when your head is already up your a*s.


27. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.


28. One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.


29. Weird people are like chocolate cake. Some people just can't handle the richness.


30. A bachelor is a selfish son-of-a-b***h who has cheated some poor woman out of a useful and expensive divorce.


31. As the traffic light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and screaming people ? Sometimes it seemed that way.


32. If toast always lands butter-side down, and a cat always land on its feet, then what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it ?


33. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small red stain on the outside covering.


34. Forgive those who hurt you, but break their heads if they do it again !


35. Serious sports have nothing to do with fair play. They are bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, and disregard of all the rules.


36. He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead.


37. There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me a hot girl already.'


38. Most women like me complain about the premenstrual cycle, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can actually be myself.


39. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that perfect little world, because they'd never see it coming.


40. I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine - we were both crazy about girls.


41. When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout ! It's always worked for me.


42. It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so very ingenious these days.


43. It's my world, you all just happen to be living in it, and that can change.


44. If you were everything a woman wanted, she wouldn't want you anymore.


45. I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwords.


46. It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.


47. You are only young once. That is all society can stand out of you.


48. Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.


49. If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.


50. When things are down it'll all turn around. When things are up, you gotta throw the hammer down.





Which of these can you relate to ?


H A P P Y   H A L L O W E E N !

See you next week with 50 more ...

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© 2013 dw817


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Reviews

29. I absolutely love chocolates. And I'm kinda weird. So... HAha.

I always enjoy your interesting lists such as this. Keep it up, David. :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

Wow Blue. That's a lovely photo. :3 And yes, some people are like chocolate cake, neither can they h.. read more
These number advise or columns are really good. I kept reading and reading. Sorry for the late review.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

NP, glad you're liking them. Any of these you can relate to - and if so, how ?
Saaim

6 Years Ago

I'll have to re read it so I'll answer that question later.
awesome
01. Don't question GOD, as he may say, if you are so eager for answers, then please come on up.

11. Can you imagine a world without men ? There would be no crime and lots of happy, fat women.
hahahhaha

21. Some people admire my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of actually listening to and following it.
nice one

nice collection of quotes

best wishes

Posted 6 Years Ago


Here's one: "Sometimes I wonder why I"m not in an insane asylum, then I look around at everyone and realize... maybe I already am."

Posted 6 Years Ago


Weird people are like chocolate cake. Some people just can't handle the richness-- so true


If toast always lands butter-side down, and a cat always land on its feet, then what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it ?--so funny

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

The answers to life's mysteries could be understood ... :)
http://bit.ly/16FlRTT
the first one but I give it a twist. if all the questions have been answered, we did not need to come down to earth.

Posted 6 Years Ago


dw817

6 Years Ago

I think it is not so much the questions have been answered but that we need greater clarification on.. read more

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Added on October 28, 2013
Last Updated on October 28, 2013
Tags: davidw, don't question God, little girl at wedding, handsome man, stupid man, ask the voice, relax tomorrow, fat woman, butt prints, paranoid schizophrenic, Morse Code, 15-minutes, goes well with pizza, ketchup

Wit & Wisdom


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dw817
dw817

Fort Worth, TX



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