Wit & Wisdom - July 28th 2014

Wit & Wisdom - July 28th 2014

A Chapter by dw817
"

What if ... ? April Fools is really on April 2nd - and we have been April fooled all this time. (more)

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  W&W July 28th 2014   

  

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01. What if ... ?


April Fools is really on April 2nd - and we have been April fooled all this time.

Oxygen is poisonous - and takes 80 years to kill us.

People used to be able to make wishes - then someone wished they couldn't.

The reason we have no visitors from the future - is because we have no future.

What if Anti-Virus companies - invented viruses in the first place.

Deja Vu means you actually died - and are returning to your last checkpoint.


02. You know it's been a good day when you didn't have to unleash the flying monkeys.


03. Han•gry /'han-gree/ adj. Anger fueled by hunger. A cranky state resulting from lack of food, especially sweet things.


04. She wasn't doing a thing that I could see, except standing there, leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together.


05. Irony is when someone writes, "Your an idiot."


06. As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but getting on their last nerve is a piece of cake.


07. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.


08. Me and you, we went out to sea. We craved more adventure, and now we are three.


09. ... That moment when you're supposed to be cleaning and you put on music and it turns into a dance party for one.


10. ... that awkward walk/run you do when a car lets you cross the road.


11. I got so much procrastinating done today.


12. Dear Lord, help me to put aside the things that are breaking my heart, to pray about things that break yours.


13. I want to watch a DVD ... but I don't want to sit through trailers. Hit STOP, STOP, PLAY. You're welcome.


14. My Disney Princess name is Taco Belle.


15. When you cannot think, write. When you cannot speak, write. When you cannot sleep, write. And if you cannot write, read.


16. It doesn't matter who likes us. =WE= like us.


17. I'm reading ... don't come any closer unless you have coffee.


18. One does not simply go to sleep - not without a fan on.


19. You know you're a teacher when ... getting new Sharpies brings a smile to your face.


20. When your Nintendo stopped working, you would blow on the game, and it would be magically fixed.


21. I am not needy. I am wanty.


22. Your cat: "So you're telling me YOU control the red dot ?"


23. I don't always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking to make it worse.


24. Studying hack: Spray an unfamiliar scent while you're studying. And again right as you're about to take the test. The scent will jog your memory.


25. My dream job would be driving the Karma bus.



26. An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day.


"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."


27. When I said you're my best friend, I meant that you're the only one who knows nearly everything about me. And you'd better keep quiet about it.


28. I have to put make-up, a bra, =AND= pants on ? That's it. I'm not going.


29. A friend will calm you down when you are angry. But a BEST friend will skip happily beside you with a baseball bat singing, "Someone's gonna get it !"


30. Two secrets for your Birthday. (1) Forget the past, you can't change it. (2) Forget the present, I didn't get you one.


31. Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul.

32. When someone asks me if I'm working hard, or hardly working, I'm tempted to punch them in the throat and ask them if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.


33. I'm starting over. A new pattern of thoughts. A new wave of emotions. A new connection to the world. And a new belief system in myself.


34. Single man singing the blues: "Ain't no sandwich when she's gone ..."


35. I chose to be your friend, but falling in love with you was out of my control.


36. Know any good psychology jokes ? I'm a-Freud not.


37. Been there - done that. Then I had been there several more times because apparently I never learn.


38. I'm not saying that I don't like you. It's just that if you got hit by a bus, I would be driving it.


39. I don't run. But if you ever see me doing so, you should probably join, because something is chasing me.


40. I don't think there is really any point in cleaning the house until the kids are in college.


41. And you sing, "Ain't no sunshines when she's gone ... Ain't no borderline psychotic emotional outbursts either."


42. Reading texts while half asleep is like looking into the sun.


43. "If you don't know where you want to go, then it doesn't matter which path you take." says the Chesire Cat.


44. What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up, you could plug it into your computer and watch them over again ?


45. Getting into a relationship may seem tempting, but so was boarding the Titanic and look what happened there.

46. I know you are from Michigan from your maaad skills at dodging potholes in the street.


47. Mount Everest has about 200 dead bodies on it which are now landmarks on the way to the top.


48. TROJAN is a bad name for condoms. Why name it after something that, after penetrating the wall, broke open to let thousands of little guys pour out and screw everything up for everyone ?


49. Hmm ... this text sounds a little harsh. I'll just add a little smiley face at the end. :)


50. Here's to the CRAZY ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, and the ones who see things differently.


They're not fond of the rules they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them - because they change things.


They push the human race FORWARD.


And while some may seem them as the crazy ones. We see GENIUS. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world - are the ones WHO DO.





Which of these can you relate to ?

See you next time with 50 more ...

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© 2014 dw817


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Reviews

20. When your Nintendo stopped working, you would blow on the game, and it would be magically fixed.

Reminds me of an article I read: http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2012-09-25-blowing-on-nes-cartridges-was-actually-bad-for-them

And part of 1. The reason we have no visitors from the future - is because we have no future.
I'd like to offer an alternative:
If no-one comes from the future to stop you doing it, then how bad of a decision can it really be?

Posted 5 Years Ago


dw817

5 Years Ago

Well now Jed I =DO= remember taking one of the videogame cartridges and blowing in it when it was gl.. read more
15. When you cannot think, write. When you cannot speak, write. When you cannot sleep, write. And if you cannot write, read.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

5 Years Ago

Certainly good advice for Writer Cafe's members as - it's all about the writing. Thanks for commenti.. read more

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Wit & Wisdom


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dw817
dw817

Fort Worth, TX



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