Wit & Wisdom - November 10th 2014

Wit & Wisdom - November 10th 2014

A Chapter by dw817
"

If you can't explain it simply, then you just don't understand it well enough.

"

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  W&W November 10th 2014  

  

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01. If you can't explain it simply, then you just don't understand it well enough.


02. I love you. I know the minute I met you. I'm sorry it took so long for me to catch up, I just got stuck.


03. I can enjoy an evening by myself because I'm a strong, independent woman who has gotten over the shame of drinking alone.


04. Just because something ends with a rhyme, doesn't make it true every time.


05. So your doctor gave you some antibiotics. It's been a few days, and you're feeling all better ! So you can just toss those extra pulls out now, right ? WRONG. You've killed most of the bacteria making you sick. But you're allowing a pitiful few to crawl miserably away. NO MERCY.


06. Remember the day you brought me home and you were so filled with joy ? Well, you need to go that place now because I just drew all over the walls and shaved the dog.


07. Cool codes to type FIRST in NOTEPAD. THEN copy to your Writer Cafe messages.
Hold down the ALT key and type from the number keypad.
ALT-1 ☺ ALT-2 ☻ ALT-3 ♥ ALT-4 ♦ ALT-5 ♣ ALT-6 ♠ ALT-7 • ALT-9 - ALT-13 ♪ ALT-14 ♫


08. Once upon a time some kids did as they were told and their Mommy didn't have to go postal on them and drink wine out of the box before noon.


09. Put the politicians on minimum wage and watch how fast things change.


10. That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it isn't fully engulfed in flames.


11. I hate to spend money, but the economy NEEDS me !


12. True love is waking up next to your partner and thinking, "I could smother them or make breakfast ... pancakes it is."


13. How do you run away from things that are in your head ?


14. And your dog says, "I'm just sayin' it hurts my feelings that you never lick me back."


15. Breaking someone's trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. Sure you can smooth it over, but it's never going to be the same again.


16. When Mommy finally gets up to spank your butt, then you know STUFF JUST GOT REAL.


17. And your fire alarm says, "Burned the dinner ? Allow me to play you the song of my people."


18. When something goes wrong in your life, just yell, "Plot twist !" and move on from there.


19. You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.


20. When someone really irritates you, do not allow yourself to react by punching them in the face. Instead, step back, take three slow breaths, and reminds yourself that you are in control. Then step forward and squarely punch them in the face. You'll be more accurate and they won't be expecting it.


21. You remember the last time I asked for your opinion ? Yeah, neither do I.


22. Just let me hear some of that good old ROCK AND ROLL !


23. I'm going to open an ice cream shop and name flavors like, "Don't be sad," "He's not worth it," and, "You deserve better."


24. You find it offensive ? Well, I find it funny. That's why I'm generally happier than you !


25. Here's to hoping I hate people less today than I did yesterday ... Wait - what will I do at work then ?



26. WHAT I LEARNED FROM HARRY POTTER

Harry Potter taught me that some things are worth dying for.

Ron Weasley taught me that believing in yourself is more powerful than luck.

Hermione Granger taught me that education is a girl's best asset.

Serverus Snape taught me to never ever judge a person.

Rubeus Hagrid taught me that anything can be cute with the right perspective.

Ginny Weasley taught me that bold is beautiful.

Lily Potter taught me that a Mother's love is the strongest force on Earth.

Dolorus Umbridge taught me that education with a political agenda is a terrible thing.

Sirius Black taught me that the ones we love never truly leave us.

Albus Dumbledore taught me that not all good people are good.

Draco Malfoy taught me that bad people are not always bad.

Neville Longbottom taught me that courage is standing upf or what is right, even if you are terrified.

Luna Lovegood taught me that weird is wonderful.

Dobby taught me that freedom is a gift.

Kreacher taught me that if you want to get to know a person, see how they treat their friends.

Lucius Malfoy taught me that no amount of money, pomp, or circumstance will ever buy you true friends.

Fred and George taught me that sometimes all you need is a good laugh.

The Dursely's taught me that a world without imagination is a dull and dreary place.

Arthur Weasley taught me that a good sense of curiosity and a bit of obsession can be a healthy thing.

Fleur DeLacour taught me that true love is not based solely on appearance.

Molly Weasley taught that a happy family is not measured in gold.

Cho Chang taught me that rebound relationships almost never work out.

Nymphadora Tonks taught me to love myself no matter how I appear.

Percy Weasley taught me that in the end, no career is worth sacrificing your family.

Sybil Trelawne taught me that you can't change the past, only the future.

Lavender Brown taught me that physical relationships only last for so long.

Minerva McGonagall taught me that a good cause is worth fighting for - at any age.

J.K. Rowling taught me that stories we love will always be with us.


27. having a soft heart in a cruel world is not weakness but courage.


28. ISFJs are most compatible with ESTPs and ESFPs.


29. Oh, you hate your job do you ? Well, there's a support group for that taking place this evening. It's called, "Everybody," and they meet at the bar to drink.


30. Your dog thinks, "Is there an intruder at the door ? Or did I just fart myself awake again ?"


31. YOU are what happened when I wished upon a star. ☼

32. When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.


33. One day I was born, and everything got on my nerves. And that should bring you up to date.


34. No, I don't wear a size zero. But that's only because I have the body of a woman, not one of a 12-year old.


35. Welcome to our OOL. Notice there's no 'P' in it. Let's keep it that way !


36. I'm eating for two. Me and that skinny girl inside - cause she likes cake too.


37. Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming to you when you are at your favorite restaurant.


38. Take the risk or lose the chance.


39. You make me laugh so hard that tears run down my leg.


40. Everything magically appears when Mom looks for it.


41. Be happy. It drives some people crazy.


42. I probably wouldn't kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.


43. There's no feeling quite like acting stupid with your best friend.


44. You're not too old until it takes longer to rest up than it does to get tired.


45. I'm not sure how many problems I have because MATH is one of them.

46. I've lost my ability to give a damn. If found, no need to return it. Go ahead and keep and see if it works for you.


47. What if I just started licking the dentists fingers while they were in my mouth ?


48. What I love about Winter.
15% Cold Weather
10% Wearing Hoodies
75% All the mosquitoes die and burn in hell !


49. "Why can't be we be friends ?" Well honey it's because you're 3-gallons of crazy in a 2-gallon bucket and I don't have time for a mess like you.


50. Mmm ... Fresh coffee smells like magic and fairy-tales.




Which of these can you relate to ?

See you next time with 50 more ...

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© 2014 dw817


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Wit & Wisdom


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dw817
dw817

Fort Worth, TX



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