Wit & Wisdom- January 12th 2015

Wit & Wisdom- January 12th 2015

A Chapter by dw817
"

The truth of the matter is - airports saw more sincere kisses than wedding halls, and the walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches.

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  W&W January 12th 2015  

  

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01. The truth of the matter is - airports saw more sincere kisses than wedding halls, and the walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches.


02. Thank you for updating Facebook again with what you ate for dinner. The suspense was killing me.


03. Mentally saying to myself, "Wed" "Nes" "Day" when I'm spelling it out.


04. I love it when my pills kick in !


05. I am not your friend. I am your PARENT. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare, and hunt you down when needed - because I LOVE YOU.


06. I do desire we may be better strangers.


07. Appreciate good people. They are hard to come by.


08. I'm the girl who is never good enough. Not for her friends, her family, boys, or anyone else. I'm the bounce-back. I'm the second choice.


09. Some days I'm just too tired to think or speak properly. And when that happens, I know I can count on you to correctly guess what I'm trying to say.


10. No-one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds likes from the inside.


11. Mosquito bite ? Press a hot spoon onto the spot. The heat will destroy the reaction and the itching will stop.


12. All those days watching from a window. All those hours outside looking in. All that time never even knowing - that everything is different, now that I see you.


13. A flock of owls have collected outside your door. The closest one speaks, "We heard you have Toostie Pops."


14. Got something in your eye ? Fill a bowl of big enough for your face and open your eye in it. It'll come right out.


15. Change can be scary, but you know what's scarier ? Allowing fear to stop you from growing, evolving, and progressing. That's scarier.


16. No, this isn't an inconvenient time. It always sounds like my kids are killing a cat in my house.


17. Exhale when your left foot hits the ground to avoid cramps when running long distances.


18. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.


19.

"Are you a god ?" they asked.
"No."
"An angel ?"
"No."
"A saint ?"
"No."
"Then what are you ?"
Buddha answered, "I am awake."


20. No two persons ever read the same book.


21. There's no point in fighting with someone that you don't respect.


22. Ever wanted to stop a sneeze you feel coming ? Press your tongue against the roof of your mouth and it's gone.


23. I love work because there is a coffee break daily from 9:00-5:00.


24. If someone presses all of the buttons on an elevator, you can avoid stopping on each floor by pressing each button again twice.


25. Points to ponder. Would Transformers buy Life Insurance or Car Insurance ?



26. MOST COMMON LIES:

- I won't laugh. I promise.
- Your table will be ready in a few minutes.
- I'm just kidding.
- I never got your text.
- I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions.
- You will need to know this later in life.
- I'm fine.
- No, I'm okay. I'm just tired.
- Okay, just one more episode.
- I'm on my way.
- Sorry, my parents said no.


27. I prefer to describe myself as, "delightfully difficult." And it would just be easier if you agreed.

28.
A cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half, rub it on your forehead. The throbbing should go.


29. I should just change my voice-mail greeting to: "Please hang up and text me."


30. Teaching my kids to eat healthy is basically saying, "It's too late for me, save yourself !"


31. To listen to a song on Youtube that repeats automatically, bring up the video, and add to the URL 'repeat' between 'www.youtube' and '.com' so it reads 'www.youtuberepeat.com'


32. People with creative minds tend to have a harder time falling asleep at night - and they prefer to stay up later.


33. Wrinkly shirt ? Throw it in the dryer with a few ice cubes for 5-minutes. Wrinkles will be gone !


34. One day I will be a mermaid.


35. I feel fat today. And to make myself feel better, I will eat this cake. Yes. Good plan.


36. WEIRD is merely a side-effect of AWESOME.


37. A person who feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected.


38. It's that dreamy far-off look and she has her nose stuck in a book. That is the perfect romance.


39. I think it's weird how somedays I feel skinny - and somedays I feel like a busted can of biscuits.


40. If you met my MOM, you would understand.


41. What do you call it when a redhead goes off the deep end ? A ginger snap.

42. Complaining about a problem without posing a solution is called WHINING.


43. I don't pretend to be anything I am not ... except for SOBER, I've pretended to be that a few times.


44. Teenager post: Sitting in an exam and all you can think of is song lyrics.


45. If someone tells you you're not beautiful, simply turn around and walk away - so they can have a great view of your fabulous a*s.

46. I just want to drink wine and pet my cats.


47. It takes a lot of truth to gain trust, but just one lie to lose it all.


48. I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.


49. Just because I don't react, doesn't mean I didn't notice.


50. No, thank YOU for letting me watch you constantly text as we hang out. I would hate to bore you with my company.





Which of these can you relate to ?

See you next time with 50 more ...

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© 2015 dw817


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Reviews

24. If someone presses all of the buttons on an elevator, you can avoid stopping on each floor by pressing each button again twice.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

5 Years Ago

I have never actually tried this, Avinash. I know when I was younger I was over at Leonard's departm.. read more
Avinash

5 Years Ago

Quite a story :) I checked with some they said most of the time it works.
dw817

5 Years Ago

I'll definitely have to remember that. Oh, who got us out of the elevator ? The fire department. And.. read more

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Wit & Wisdom


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dw817
dw817

Fort Worth, TX



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