Wit & Wisdom - February 9th 2015

A Chapter by dw817

Autonomy vs Shame & Doubt Initiative vs Guilt Industry vs Inferiority Identity vs Role Confusion Intimacy vs Isolation Generativity vs Stagnation Ego Integrity vs Despair

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W&W February 9th 2015

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Capital T lends his voice for this week's Wit & Wisdom [Click]

STAGES OF LIFE

EARLY CHILDHOOD (2 TO 3 YEARS)	Autonomy vs Shame & Doubt	Toilet Training	Children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense of independence. Success leads to feelings of autonomy while failure results in feelings of shame and doubt.
PRESCHOOL (3 TO 5 YEARS)	Initiative vs Guilt	Exploration	Children need to begin to asserting control and power over the environment. Success in this stage leads to a sense of purpose whereas children who try to exert too much power experience disapproval, resulting in a sense of guilt.
SCHOOL AGE (6 TO 11 YEARS)	Industry vs Inferiority	School	Children need to cope with new social and academic demands. Success leads to a sense of competence whereas failure results in feelings of inferiority.
ADOLESCENCE (12 TO 18 YEARS)	Identity vs Role Confusion	Social Relationships	Teens need to develop a sense of self and personal identity. Success leads to ability to stay true to yourself while failure leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self.
YOUNG ADULT (19 TO 40 YEARS)	Intimacy vs Isolation	Relationships	Young adults need to form intimate and loving relationships with other people. Success leads to strong relationships while failure results in loneliness and isolation.
MIDDLE ADULT (40 TO 65 YEARS)	Generativity vs Stagnation	Work & Parenthood	Adults need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by having children or creating a positive change that benefits other people. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment whereas failure results in shallow involvement in the world.
MATURITY (65 TO DEATH)	Ego Integrity vs Despair	Reflections On Life	Older adults need to look back on life and feel a sense of fulfillment. Success at this stage of life leads to feelings of wisdom whereas failure results in regret, bitterness, and despair.

02. Here's to all the people who remain unharmed because I have coffee and a sense of humor.

03. I'm sorry - I just don't have the energy to pretend I like you today.

04. Sometimes the best way to be happy is to learn to let go of things you tried so hard to hold on to that are no longer good for you.

05. Remember: When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown but only 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap them in the face.

06. When a pregnant woman suffers organ damage (such as a heart attack), the fetus sends stem cells to the damaged organ to help repair it.

07. Hell hath no fury like me when I'm slightly inconvenienced and hungry.

08. Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5-hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.

09. Humans are Deuterostomes, meaning that the hole that became your mouth formed AFTER the hole that became your anus. Thus there was a point in your development where you were basically just an a*****e.

10. A member of Parliament said to Disraeli:

"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, sir." Disraeli replied in return, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

11. Your heart rate slows when your face touches water, it's called the mammalian dive reflex.

12. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry ... because I always back up my rage with facts and documented sources. - The Credible Hulk

13. Walt Disney is speaking with Mickey Mouse:

Walt: "Everything the light touches is our kingdom."

Mickey: "What about the shadowed places ?"

Walt: "That's Universal. You must never go there."

14. I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

15. At the onset of high stress, your blood thickens. This is to encourage clotting of blood in the case of a physical attack. This is often why stress contributes to heart attacks.

16. "You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin

17. I'm guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve - but when I'm done, I'm done.

18. Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Think about it, I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can never leave me.

19. George Bernard Shaw wrote Winston Churchill:
George: "Am enclosing 2 tickets to first night of my new play; bring a friend - that is, if you have one."
Winston: "Cannot possibly attend. Will attend second night's showing - that is, if you have one."

20. Fact about the human body. You can always see your nose, it is just that your mind has trained the eyes to ignore it.

21. I had only just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

22. Sorry you confused "playing hard to get" with my genuine disinterest in you.

23. Yes. Doing your job =IS= part of your job.

24. Pollen is essentially 'plant sperm.' This is what makes hay fever - and that makes it an STD. Since no-one voluntarily takes in pollen, I've concluded we're all being raped by trees.

25. mY bRain hAs tOo mAny tAbs oPen.

26. MOM's RULES:
If I cook it, you eat it.
If I buy it. You wear it.
If I wash it, you put it away.
If I clean it, you keep it clean.
If I say get off the phone, you hang up.
If I say bedtime, you say goodnight.
If I say NO, you don't ask why.
Why ? because I'M THE MOM.

27. Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has ever caught that fish yet.

28. He is a self-made man - and he worships his creator.

29. Hey, did you get a haircut ? No, I dyed the tips clear.

30. She is clothed in strength and dignity. And she laughs without fear of the future.

31. Dad, thanks for always helping me out financially so I can focus on being an independent woman.

32. Where we're going, we don't need roads.

33. The FUTURE is created by what you do TODAY, not tomorrow.

34. He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts. For support rather than for illumination.

35. Sometimes painful things can teach us lessons that we didn't think we needed to know.

36. Life is too short for fake butter, cheese, or people.

37. Don't stumble over something BEHIND you.

38. Mistakes are proof that you are TRYING.

39. Women spend more time thinking about what men are thinking than men actually spend time thinking.

40. When Oscar Wilde was asked to list his 100 favorite books, he said he couldn't because, "I have only written five."

41. That awkward moment when you shout out the wrong answer in class with CONFIDENCE.

42. Admit it, you've raised your hand during class to answer the obvious question so you don't get called on later for the harder ones.

43. Not to get technical ... but according to chemistry, alcohol =IS= a solution.

44. Have you ever wanted to meet yourself and see yourself from someone else's point of view ?

45. The strongest actions for a woman is to LOVE herself and SHINE amongst those who never believed she could.

46. And your favorite coffee mug has inscribed on it, "BLOW ME. (I'm hot)."

47. Ladies ... to match all the duckfaces of photos you've taken, may I recommend swimming flippers to go with your outfit for when you go out for the night ?

48. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

49. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Eliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered intently down the barrel and, while watching closely, tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

50. Don't look down on anyone - unless you are helping them up.

Which of these can you relate to ?