Wit & Wisdom - February 16th 2015

Wit & Wisdom - February 16th 2015

A Chapter by dw817

COLLEGE OFF-CAMPUS versus ON-CAMPUS Covers Privacy, More Space, Less Expensive, Health, Life Preparation, Fewer Distractions, Healthier Eating, Build Credit, Parking Isn't A Problem, Roommate


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  W&W February 16th 2015   


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You do not have to follow as many rules if you live off-campus and there is no RA overseeing your every more.

Living off-campus means you will probably have your own bedroom. Living in a dorm means you will most likely be sharing a bedroom with one, two, or more people.

A dorm room is usually one-half the size of a regular bedroom.

College housing can cost as much as the tuition alone. In most instances, you are also required to purchase a meal plan which is extremely expensive.

Living off-campus can help you avoid getting sick during flu season.

Living off-campus is a great way to prepare for the real world. Managing a budget, cooking, and cleaning are all great ways to prepare for the transition of life after college.

Living in a dorm is often one big non-stop party. Living off-campus allows you to focus on what's important, rather than constantly getting distracted by everything around you.

Living off-campus will help you not gain the "freshman fifteen" since you will be responsible for getting your own food.

Paying rent and utilities on a credit card on a monthly basis starts building a solid credit history.

When you live on a campus, parking can be expensive and a huge hassle. Living off-campus helps eliminate the parking burden.

When living off-campus you have more control over who your roommates are. This way you aren't stuck with someone you can't stand to be around.

02. From now on, I'll diet. Oh look ! Burger and fries !

03. Nobody is too busy, it's just a matter of priorities.

04. Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you're welcome.

05. That awkward moment when the dentist asks you an embarrassing question while his hands are in your mouth.

06. If I actually spoke my mind in public, I'd be in deep trouble.

07. Going on a school field trip and realizing the bus ride with your friends was the best part of it.

08. And what the bride thinks as her new husband kisses her at the wedding, "Now I can finally get fat."

09. When you are at a party and your best friend asks you, "Are you okay ? Why are you so quiet ?" for the umpteenth time.

10. Finding someone who will love and care for you no matter what.

11. At the new hotel, you find a sign near the pool:


SWIMMING POOL HOURS 7:00am - 7:00pm

This pool is too shallow to dive into - you will die or seriously injure yourself.

A broken neck will seriously reduce the enjoyment of your vacation.

12. I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Winter.

13. McKevitt deposited $1 in a vending machine for a 90-cent Twix Bar, the Des Moines Register reported. But the candy got snagged and wouldn't fall. He banged and rocked the machine but it didn't work. The state records said McKevitt then commandeered a forklift and picking the machine up in the air, dropped it 2-feet onto the concrete floor. The sixth time it dropped his bar and 2-others. McKevitt was fired 5-days later.

14. I'm a lady with the vocabulary of a well-educated sailor.

15. I always seem to be in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.

16. Most acne care products contain ingredients that cause more break outs over time, so you'll continue to buy their products.

17. INTROVERT. I'm not mad, depressed, or antisocial. I just need to not talk to anyone for awhile. And that's okay.

18. Sore throat ? Grab a pack of JELLO but instead of putting it in the freezer, heat it up and add a teaspoon of honey. The gelatin will coat and soothe your throat.

19. Don't mess with me ! I get paid to stab people with sharp objects. Your nurse.

20. People who often use and understand subtle sarcasm are more likely to have a high I.Q.

21. When filling your car with gas, hold the trigger half way. You'll get more gas and less air in the tank.

22. Supposably. Sorry, this is still not a word.

23. Eating breakfast in the morning makes it ten times easier to burn calories throughout the day.

24. Pressing a button on a toy that says "TRY ME," at the store and it won't stop. So you just awkwardly walk away like nothing happened.

25. Psychology says, you get depressed because you know that you're not what you should be.


One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday ?

He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friend tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. 

As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks !" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. 

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. 

We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him. 

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Damn boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday !" He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.

When we were seniors, began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the smiles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. 

I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. 

He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him ! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. 

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great !" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. 

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach ... but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. 

I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can totally and completely change a person’s life.

27. How often do you find a person that admires your little weird habits,puts up with your crap, and still can say that they like you ?

And the husband comes in from work to check on his wife. "Wow honey, the house is so clean ! So was the Internet down today then ?"

29. "Good" was just introvert-speak for, "I have no intention of telling you how I am doing today."

30. Some McDonald's salads are actually more fattening than their burgers.

31. If a man says you're weird, he's being mean. If a woman says you're wierd, she's envious. But if a little kid says you're weird, they are asking for you to play with them.

32. If you peel a banana from the bottom, you won't have to pick the little stringy things off of it.

33. A person who is nice to you but is not nice the waiter is NOT a nice person.

34. Deja Moo. When you know you've experienced this bullshit before.

35. You are in band practice. And when something goes wrong, everyone blames the flutist.


+ Mood Changes

+ Paleness

+ Trembling

+ Sweating

+ Dizziness

+ Blurred Vision

+ Headaches

+ Extreme tiredness

+ Hunger

37. One million Moms threaten to boycott JCPenny for ads featuring Two Moms. JCPenny responds to this with Father's Day ads featuring two Dads. For when you stand for what you believe in.

38. You can easily tell how much you like someone by how strong the urge is to check your phone when you're with them.

39. Oh really ? Well I appreciate you asking for help, but you know what that sounds like to me ? Not my problem.

40. Cat is asleep and quiet. I creep out to go use the restroom. Seconds later the cat is yowling like it's in dire pain simply because she can't see me.

41. I don't ask you why you're obnoxious, so you don't ask me why I'm so quiet.

42. I do not like being told what to do unless I am naked.

43. Being an adult is quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever done.

44. If a man takes a pregnancy test and it comes back positive, he may have testicular cancer.

45. I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in old attics. Even if they dress in rags. Even if they aren't pretty, smart, or young. They're still princesses.

46. He's the king of mixed signals, and she's the queen of getting her hopes up.

47. In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips.

48.  Dear sidewalk, please get wider. Sincerely, Third Friend Walking Behind Feeling Excluded.

49. You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together. Justifying what could've, would've happened ... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.

50. No, I don't run. But if I do, you should as well because it usually means something is chasing me.

Which of these can you relate to ?

See you next time with 50 more ...

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