Wit & Wisdom - February 23rd 2015

Wit & Wisdom - February 23rd 2015

A Chapter by dw817
"

He said, "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept."

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  W&W February 23rd 2015   

  

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01. THE VELVETEEN RABBIT

He said, "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept."

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby."

"But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

02. Please do not go through my camera's history. There's nothing inappropriate, I just don't want you to know how many selfies I took.


03. Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress to begin with.


04. Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes.


05. Just saved a document in Word. Better save it 3 more times.


06. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


07. It's always a victory for me when I remember why I entered a room.

08. Buy an old bus. Replace the seats with beds and camping material. Then road trip the states with good people.


09. Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.


10. Bookmark ? Don't you mean Quitter Strip ?


11. I can't. I just can't. I have lost the ability to can.


12. People are so ungrateful. No-one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.


13. I don't always act like a b***h, but when I do, I'm the lead float in that parade.


14. You can always tell when two people are best friends. It is because they are having more fun than it makes sense for them to be having.


15. And your neighbor's doormat reads, "Nice underwear."


16. Our Creator changes caterpillars into butterflies, sand into pearls, and coal into diamonds. Using TIME and PRESSURE, He's working on you too.


17. Next time you think of "skipping a night" with brushing your teeth. Just imagine the thousands upon thousands of happy bacteria in your mouth - pooping acid all over your teeth.


18. SINGLE. This is not a status, it is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending upon others.


19. When I text you a massive paragraph and reply 40-minutes later with 'K' ... Are you just ASKING to be punched !?


20. What !? You don't like Disney ? Dishonor ! Dishonor on you, on your cow, dishonor on your whole family !


21. I would hate for you to walk another 3-feet to put the shopping cart where it belongs.


22. That moment when you shout, "Noo !" because something epic happened in a book and no-one else gets it.


23. Let's all take a minute and be thankful that bugs aren't the same size as us.


24. Yes I do. And I'm proud - that I still believe in Snuffleupagus.


25. A sign entering a computer class reads:

Please do not tap on glass. Programmers are easily scared and will start to cry, violently. Instead, enter SLOWLY while singing, "Ave Maria" to avoid an incident.



26. SEVEN WAYS TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Are you feeling like you're at the end of your rope ? Exhausted ? Sick ? Frazzled ? It's not always possible to just drop everything and rest until you feel better. Work needs to be done. Deadlines need to be met. When you're feeling out-of-sorts, it's difficult to tend to things that need doing.

(a) Give yourself permission to do less. Most things can wait until tomorrow. Focus on the essentials and let other things slide for a-while. Give yourself a break.

(b) Hydrate. Make sure you’re getting plenty of water. Even if you feel like drinking coffee or soda to give yourself energy, make sure you’re drinking water too. It’s amazing how much being dehydrated can make you feel frazzled and depleted.

(c) Use paper plates. Order out. Make meal prep as easy as you can. You can go back to cooking and saving when you’re feeling better.

(d) Limit time on social media. Social media sometimes feels like an escape, but it can also rob you of time to rest by keeping you alert.

(e) Put away your cell phone. Plug it into its charger, and if you can, turn off the ringer. Spending some time a little "disconnected" will help your brain rest, and give you fewer distractions.

(f) Hug someone or something. Hug your babies. Hug your friends. Go to Pet Smart and hug a dog if you need to. Having contact with another living being can be calming and healing.

(g) Spend some time outside. Sunshine is great. Even if you can go for a quick walk in the rain or snow, the fresh air can be revitalizing.

27. Take life with a grain of salt ... a slice of lime, and a shot of Tequila.

28.
That awkward moment when you're trying to end a conversation and the other person won't stop talking.


29. Whiff-Lash - being suddenly knocked upside the face by an overwhelming and awful smell.


30. Don't waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing can say is nothing at all.


31. What kind of tea is sometimes too hard to swallow ? Reality.


32. Do you think the guy that invented vibrators for women heard voices saying, "If you build it, they will come" ?


33. I thought I was normal, until I met you. Then I realized we're both pretty weird. I like that about us.


34. Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before going to bed ?


35. There's a teddy bear in every Dutch police car, in case something troubling happens to a child. Dutch policemen are the best !


36. Did you know ? There's a "rain room" in London that makes rain fall everywhere in the room except the spot you are standing at.


37. When I play a fighting game on the console, I press random buttons and hope for the best.


38. Kissing reduces anxiety and stops the 'noise' in your mind. It increases the levels of oxytocin, an extremely calming hormone that produces a feeling of peace.


39. I'm not needy. I'm wanty.


40. No, you most certainly do not have bigger balls than me. Mine had to be put on my chest to avoid chaffing.


41. When someone you love becomes a memory ... that memory becomes a TREASURE.


42. So if a bra is called an 'around the shoulder boulder holder,' what do they call men's underwear ? The 'over the nut butt hut ?'"

43. You are never too old for Disney !


44. The only disability in life is a bad attitude.


45. Thank God my child put the milk container back in the fridge with just a few drops left in it. In case I find a recipe that calls for a thimble of milk.

46. Collect MOMENTS. Not things.


47. How others see you is not important. How you see yourself means everything.


48. And when you're hugging your best friend you whisper in their ear, "The slow blade penetrates the shield."


49. I have people telling me, "It's all in your head." To them I say, "Do you honestly believe I want to feel this way ?"


50. Relax. We are all crazy. It is not a competition.





Which of these can you relate to ?

See you next time with 50 more ...

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© 2015 dw817


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Featured Review

01. THE VELVETEEN RABBIT

He said, "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept."

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby."

"But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

5 Years Ago

It reminds me a great deal of the movie, A.I. with the boy named David, Avinash. He went through man.. read more



Reviews

01. THE VELVETEEN RABBIT

He said, "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept."

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby."

"But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

5 Years Ago

It reminds me a great deal of the movie, A.I. with the boy named David, Avinash. He went through man.. read more

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Wit & Wisdom


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dw817
dw817

Fort Worth, TX



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