Wit & Wisdom - April 27th 2015

Wit & Wisdom - April 27th 2015

A Chapter by dw817
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  W&W April 27th 2015   

  

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01. OH NOES ! THIS IS THE LAST WIT & WISDOM !
CLICK
HERE TO SEE THEM ALL !

02. When someone tells you they are too busy for you, it is not a reflection of their schedule; it's a reflection of YOUR place in their schedule.

03. I'm sad when my food is over.


04. How to do math. 1. Write down the problem. 2. Cry.


05. Nothing saves money like being antisocial.


06. I work hard so my cat can live a better life.


07. Today I will be as useless as the "g" in lasagna.

08. Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound.


09. I have to be successful because I like expensive things.


10. In case of emergency, a crayon will burn for 30-minutes.


11. God didn't add another day in your life because you needed it, he added it because someone out there needs you.


12. Geek Life - it's kinda like normal life but there are Dragons.


13. Feeling nauseous ? Smell rubbing alcohol. It will relieve the nausea almost immediately.


14. Saying someone can't be sad because someone else may have it worse is just like saying someone can't be happy because someone else might have it better.


15. Men think it's a woman's dream to find the perfect man. Whereas every woman's dream is actually to eat anything without getting fat.

16. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you have a flat.


17. I'm a princess. Don't be surprised when I randomly burst into song and dance.


18. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.


19. The only reason women are crazy is because men do stupid things to us. No stupidity = no craziness.


20. ♦♦Easily distracted by shiny objects♦♦


21. Nothing haunts us like the things we wanted and couldn't get.


22. Sometimes it physically pains me to hold back my sarcastic comments.


23. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how that person died.


24. Everyone is always telling me to follow my dreams ... so I'm going back to bed now.


25. Dear Naps. I am sorry I was so mean to you in kindergarten.


26. Dubbed the Rain Boy in 1983, Donnie Decker was visiting his friend’s house when he abruptly went into a trance-like state. Immediately after, the ceiling began to drip water and a mist filled the room. His friends immediately called on the landlord who was alarmed by what he was seeing.

Some time later, Donnie was at a restaurant with other companions when rain started pouring down their heads. The restaurant owner immediately forced him out. Years later, due to a petty crime, Donnie was put into jail where he caused chaos when rain started to pour down in his cell.

After angry inmates complained, Donnie explained that he could make it rain when he wanted to, and proved his point by dumping rain on the jailor on duty. Eventually, he was released from jail and found a job as a cook at a local restaurant.

His present whereabouts is unknown " as is the cause of the mysterious rain ...


27. If you ever need to stop and ask directions, skip the gas station and find a pizza delivery place. They know how to find all the addresses.

28.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray ? I really don't want to have to restart my video collection ... again !


29. "Tired" isn't even a temporary state for me anymore. It's just an inherent part of my personality at this point.


30. Wrap a wet paper towel around your beverage and put it in the freezer. In about 15-minutes it will be almost completely ice cold.


31. Charlie Brown says, "Social awkwardness is my superpower."


32. Stars can't shine without the darkness.


33. I think I'm starting to lose my mind. But as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta go pee, I should be okay.


34. A sticker that everyone needs for the back of their cellphone reads, "Shhh, I'm on the phone."


35. Sebastian the crab says, "Listen to me ! The human world is a mess !"


36. Sometimes you just gotta stay silent cause no words can explain the stuff that's going on in your mind and heart.


37. I do not make films primarily for children. I make them for the child in all of us, whether we be six, or sixty. - Walt Disney


38. Way to guy's heart. 1. Buy me food. 2. Make me food. 3. Be food.


39. It's just another Xanax Monday.


40. New evidence suggests that Mars had an oxygen-rich atmosphere 4-billion years ago.


41. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.


42. Humans are born with 300-bones in their body. However, when a person reaches adulthood, they only have 206 bones. This occurs because many of them join together to make a single bone.

43. Approximately 80% of a child's intelligence is acquired from the Mother.


44. Humans and giraffes have the same number of bones in their necks.


45. My room is not dirty. I just have everything on display - like a museum.

46. I was going to give you a nasty look ... but I see you already have one.


47. Even though I finished my test first in class, I wait for someone else to get up before me.


48. That weird dance you do when you think something is crawling on you.


49. Spending a long time writing a really long message, then after highlighting it, you accidentally press the backspace key.


50. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.





Which of these can you relate to ?

Hope you enjoyed them, have a great year ... !

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© 2015 dw817


My Review

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Featured Review

I forgot how funny these are. I haven't read any of them in long time. I wrote a list of jokes about a character I have elaborated on sense I wrote four years ago, it consists of mostly awful puns, jokes about other characters and the characters general stupidity. It only has 250 some things, so nowhere near the kind of number of lists you have.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lily

5 Years Ago

I can imagine, the collection you have amassed is impressive as it is. I just kept it as a bit of a .. read more
dw817

5 Years Ago

Well for today I am posting a new chapter of Future Barrier, the 2nd novel. It's definitely rated TE.. read more
Lily

5 Years Ago

I saw that, It is pretty good.



Reviews

1. OH NOES ! THIS IS THE LAST WIT & WISDOM !
CLICK HERE TO SEE THEM ALL !

Hope it is not true

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

5 Years Ago

I'm afraid so Avinash. Quite simply, I have just run out of material. However, there is almost 3-yea.. read more
11. God didn't add another day in your life because you needed it, he added it because someone out there needs you.

I have to agree and if more people knew this maybe we wouldn't lose so many friends and family. Suicide is taking so many people it might be one of the leading death causes

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

5 Years Ago

I've been suicidal in the path. One person once described suicide as a permanent solution to a tempo.. read more
Izabe143

5 Years Ago

Okay. Thank you
I forgot how funny these are. I haven't read any of them in long time. I wrote a list of jokes about a character I have elaborated on sense I wrote four years ago, it consists of mostly awful puns, jokes about other characters and the characters general stupidity. It only has 250 some things, so nowhere near the kind of number of lists you have.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lily

5 Years Ago

I can imagine, the collection you have amassed is impressive as it is. I just kept it as a bit of a .. read more
dw817

5 Years Ago

Well for today I am posting a new chapter of Future Barrier, the 2nd novel. It's definitely rated TE.. read more
Lily

5 Years Ago

I saw that, It is pretty good.
I was craking-up all the way down... thanks for sharing, now i believe am not the only wired one here. :P

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

5 Years Ago

Wired ? Hmm ... only way I get like that is with a good strong cup of coffee. It's early morning so .. read more
Jeyanthi

5 Years Ago

the word weird gets weird here. :P
dw817

5 Years Ago

Oh - weird. Well, I have my moments. :7

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Wit & Wisdom


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dw817
dw817

Fort Worth, TX



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