FB3-01 "Twilight Dreams"

Arkos is stll after Dev as he gets ready for his Birthday party at, of all places, his worst bully's house, Scant. And something is very much amiss with this, although Lilly will be there. (more)

PRESS CTRL = (EQUALS) TO INCREASE THE PAGE SIZE AND CTRL 0 (ZERO) TO RESET THE PAGE SIZE THIS PAGE VIEWS BEST IN FIREFOX INTERNET BROWSER Want to read this in a different language ? Change the TO field to your own country and click the TRANSLATE button after going HERE No part of this story may be reproduced in whole or in part, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without written permission of the author. This is a non-profit publication for display and reading pleasure only in Writer's Cafe. Time marches on ... It is now March of 2017 and it is time to post a new book, the 3rd in the Future Barrier series. A rather funny, crazy, and sometimes kinky story that spans 4-books altogether dealing with future technology, unrequited love, and absolute vengeance. FOREWARD FUTURE BARRIER started out to be a silly work I thought I would write in a month or so but it has expanded considerably into what is now several years of writing and already completes 2 full novels, or a little over 2100 full pages of writing. I attribute this in part by reading other fictional novels from brave writers who share not only their excellent literary skills but wove in their non-fictional recounts and ideas from their own lives. So just like them you will see me including and writing down real-life events from my past as and the vivid sometimes bizarre dreams I have had and continue to have, directly into this fantasy story. Mostly, however, my writing will detail the many misadventures I had with Tyr, my rather precocious and certainly obnoxious girlfriend while we attended classes back in Elementary and Middle School. And some of this writing may reflect the many dysfunctional relationships and brushes with the same and opposite sexes I had growing up - still leaving me utterly confused and frustrated about both to this day. How do I feel today ? I am not really sure who I am or where I belong in the world. Where do I belong ? I've asked myself that question more years than I can remember. Oddly enough I've had many MANY people tell me where I do in fact belong - and not all of them were just teasing me but telling me. But I do want to point out the main focus of this writing is on the "Wishful Thinking" aspect of it, and what happens when a young boy finds a way to solve his bullying problems which I never did growing up. Yet - he does solve them, utterly and completely, with absolute power from a device curiously sent to him all the way from one million years of his own future to his current time period. Perhaps we have all wished for this ... ? A way out of our past difficulties and to be free from of our future problems ? There are many influences in this story. I would like to thank my Mom and Dad for raising me as well as they could. My sister for putting up with me cause I could be a real pip at times, and the true and few friends I have made in life throughout the years. One such strong influence comes from the author Max Rabinowitz and the journal he wrote about his time in the funny factory, or what we call - the mental ward. He showed me it was possible to write about oneself even if you are a little crazy in the head, and at a personal and intimate level too without being afraid of the content. And this instills that much more courage and acceptance of me as a person with unique ideas, aspirations, and feelings, especially since I have spent a good portion of my life in a mental ward - so I can completely relate to what he went through. Rose, my long-time girlfriend also wanted to be in this story too so she is listed as Lilly Veneir, attending the same school we are, and she truly is a bit of a twist to the story. I modeled her after a girl I met when Dad left me and my sister at the babysitter's, I was 7-years old at the time, obsessed by colored pegs. I only met her once but she made a lasting if not painful impression on me that showed me there was more to life than just colored pegs. In any case, a full character synapse is located at the end of this book detailing all the people in it, but you should save reading that until only after you have read to that point, cause it might spoil the story if you don't. There will also be original chapter illustrations done for Barrier by a talented free-lance artist a few years back. While he did several for the first few opening chapters, he didn't cover all of them I think ultimately being distracted by other projects. So at this time I am looking for someone who is an artist and would be interested in drawing illustrations for any part of these chapters. I will certainly give you full credit and link to your site wherever it may be. The style of artwork I would especially like would be 'minimalistic' with very little effort on the part of the artist and done in a style similar to courtroom drawings like THIS. Well, with that I present to you, "Future Barrier," told ultimately in 4 novels. Once I finish up the 3rd book, I will start on the 4th and conclude this crazy silly fantasy nightmare magical romance story. Written to where I can refer to all of them, but never have to relive these strange and often bittersweet memories and visions again - unless I so choose to ... I spoke with my doctor today (03-01-17) and he said, as long as I list this story as fictional, there shouldn't be anything wrong about including real portions of my life in it. And - I will, it makes the writing that much easier. THIS BOOK: This is the =3rd= book in the series. You can find the completed first one HERE. With the arrival of a mysterious plugin and Tyr gaining telekinetic use through it's activation, she has been kidnapped by a secret organization called the Arkos Institute which experiments on gifted children for their unique abilities. "Central," an important company, from 1-million years in the future has issued an emergency meeting and calls Murphy to take control of the situation to retrieve the plugin from Dev and destroy it. Meanwhile back on Earth, Arkos is now after Dev as he gets ready for his Birthday party at, of all places, his worst bully's house, Scant. And something is very much amiss with this, although Lilly, Dev's friend will be there, to make sure nothing goes wrong. Nothing will go wrong, will it ... ? F U T U R E   B A R R I E R secret technology, unrequited love, and absolute vengeance ( The 3rd Novel ) © March 2017 Written by David Wicker CHAPTER 1 - TWILIGHT DREAMS [ CHOOSE A DIFFERENT CHAPTER ] Looking for the Character Synopsis ? That can be found HERE * * * Some terms and names you should be familiar with from the previous books: PLUGIN: USB, home to sentient being SIM, capable of restructuring reality to any form or manner, usually with permanent results and consequences. SIM: the sentient being in the plugin. Capable of speaking and understanding human speech. GATES: fantastic constructed rings that are two-way doors allowing one to travel through time or position to any location or destination. Including Astral and Spectral universes. PRIME UNIVERSE: The universe in which normal breathing man lives. ASTRAL UNIVERSE: Sometimes called alternate Heaven. Beings of light, compassion, and humility can be found here. It is especially difficult to establish a 2-way connection with the Gates to this universe. SPECTRAL UNIVERSE: Sometimes called alternate Hell. Beings of dark, wicked, and ulterior motives and scheming can be found here. It is remarkably easy to establish a 2-way connection with the gates to this universe. DARCEON: a being from the Spectral universe. Wholly evil, cunning, and planning. He appears from the usage of first stage construction of the Gates. He is responsible for sending the SIM plugin to the past and eventually Dev's hands. 1-MILLION YEARS IN THE FUTURE: Where the plugin device originally came from, seeded by Darceon. In the 2nd book, Darceon does meets Dev and makes a blood pact with him regarding the SIM device. LEARBY: head of Central Intelligence. Leader of the planet Amaranth. Is for the usage of the unstable Gates as he is greatly concerned for the welfare and future of civilization. MURPHY: head scientist to Central. Against the technology called the Gates. Believes the Gates to be a direct doorway to hell. Says their use is unethical and immoral. CHEANI: An intrepid adventurer who agreed to enter the Gate, travel back in time and try to find her way where the SIM device was - and destroy it, ensuring the survival of the future of Earth. ARKOS: Secret underground organization that experiments on gifted children and tries to find ways of using their special abilities to further Arkos' ends. It is also the name of the founder, whom the end of the 2nd book has revealed he is not human. TYR: Girlfriend to Dev. Mischievous at best, criminal at worst. Always teasing Dev, sometimes in a provocative or unlady-like manner. SIM gave her telekinetic ability. Arkos is aware of this. DEV: Protagonist, founder of SIM. Sim is now part of Dev. He is also naive in matters of maturity and a great many other things in life much to Tyr's and Lilly's delight and ability to both manipulate him. LILLY: Friend to Tyr. Obsessed with murder and blood. She has a pet squirrel named Choo-Choo. SIM gave her pet squirrel ability to speak with humans. She is close friends with Tyr and they often scheme things to do to Dev. SWIRLIES: A despicable form of bully abuse where someone's head is swirled in a toilet and flushed, usually a public bathroom. SCANT: real name Theodore Merriwether. Complete bully to Dev in all books. Hangs out with five other troublemakers, always involved in giving swirlies to Dev at a moment's notice. Dev vows terrible vengeance on Scant - some day. STEFANI: The most evil and wicked woman in the entire story. She has a very abusive history and as a child murdered her parents. She will eventually meet her end and most befitting of assassinations she has done to others in the past. DEMPSEY: right-hand strongman to Arkos. Very fond of Stefani. Will basically do anything for her, if just to be beside her. He is not very bright. CAPTAIN CIRCUMFERENCE: A silly cartoon of a superhero that teaches mathematics and problem solving. POLLY ROCKET: Silly cartoon of a super-heroine for girls. Teaches very little of anything useful, is especially cringeworthy. Very popular with Tyr and Lilly. This chapter is Rated: EVERYONE We see the stillness of the stars. Constantly moving, and yet to the naked eye appearing completely immobile. Perhaps a similar view of mankind to our own Creator ? Great anguish and turmoil occurring were you present and witness to our Sapphire Earth and yet from millions of miles away, our galaxy only appeared as soft and shimmering stars. Beautiful and tranquil, without a care in the world. PLANET AMARANTH BETA 3: Year 1-Q-042, LOCATION: Central Main, Conference Room # 2 Outside of this philosophical view, we continue to travel through the universe to a great council called before the almighty Central to determine the fate of Cheani who was sent into the Gate to retrieve the mysterious plugin seeded by Darceon from one million years in the past. As of yet, her fate is still unknown to the council. There was diffuse lighting in the meeting room, shining an eerie violet down from the ceiling and over 20 important people are seated around a long egg-shaped table. They appeared to be much younger than they were as this genetically augmented race of people aged half the speed of normal humans due to longevity programs of the era, although they were all clearly human. In front of them a smooth-cornered rectangular screen floated relaying private information to each of them about the proceedings. One person appearing in his 20s making him an easy 40-years old wore a mantle of authority about him. A blue sash was draped over his right shoulder when he suddenly stood up to address everyone. "My name is Learby. I have called you here today gentleman and gentle lady to determine what action we should take in light of Cheani's absence." The group murmured amongst themselves and he continued louder, "It has been several days now and I fear the worst ! Murphy, can you fill us in please ?" Murphy who was earlier removed from office by his earlier outburst had apparently been returned due to the severity of the situation and absense of their best agent, Cheani. "Thank you, superior Learby. Gentlemen and ma'am, I warned you and all of Central that this would happen. The 'Gates' technology pose a serious threat to us and their dismantling is of utmost importance to us all." Someone coughed uncomfortably in the group, reminding Murphy that his say on this matter was only one of personal concern and few, if any, people believed as he did. Murphy continued, "Yes, I understand. We must deal with the situation at hand first. Okay, what we know is," and as he spoke he tapped the tip of his finger with his other and a holographic thin blue-white light shone out of the tapped finger to project onto a holographic sphere that was hanging motionless in the center of the conference table. "We know Cheani entered the Gate through - here." and he dipped his finger slightly to show a red glow inside the sphere. The sphere itself had snaked coils, apparently complex corridors showing in all directions both location and times it was theorized you would wind up in traversing these locations. He added in a tone of concern, "What we DON'T know is why she suddenly broke off contact HERE. We also have this - " and he took his hand and waved it across the sphere replacing it with a chart that had a series of vectored lines in it. "Here - " and he stabbed his finger showing a pinpoint location in a gridded line chart, "We can see that Cheani was changed by the gate. Apparently at a molecular level." There was a murmur of concern from the group. Murphy let it continue a moment, relishing in the fact he was finally driving home the dangers of the usage of the Gate. Learby tapped his two fingers loudly and impatiently on the solid surface of the table issuing a silence again, as this was breaking off-topic. Murphy continued, "Yes. You can see clearly from her biometric reading, it shows distortion, especially affecting her pituitary gland, and obviously more than this. We don't have all the details." "We can only hope it hasn't effected her thinking or memory as well so she can carry out her earlier mission. To retrieve or destroy the plugin and end the possible threat to planet Earth from it's current user." To clear up any misconceptions he added, "And it IS being used !" And then he waved his hand across the field and a pretty violet line swept across the sphere, clearing it, and new chart appeared showing a line graph with a flat horizontal line but held a few ascending arcs showing usage of the plugin. Murphy closed his hand ending both the chart and the pinpoint laser tip from his index finger. He raised his voice, "At times time, we must assume Cheani has failed in her mission since the plugin is still in use. We cannot rely on blind luck at this critical time." He tapped his two fingers in the air together again and the light probe emitting from his fingers ceased. He continued, "Therefore I propose we send a new small team to carry out her mission using the new Statix suits I have developed for hazardous terrain." There was an uncomfortable murmur which Murphy would not allow to continue. "People, I realize these are not cleared with Central because of their dangerous nature. But can we be certain that it was the lack of preparation and going 'by the book' is what caused Cheani's mission to fail and possibly cost her life ?" He allowed himself a smile for a moment. The unrest was growing in the groups and confusion and concern at this rare time would actually benefit him. There was a few nods of heads, agreeing, perhaps they were a bit hasty in their efforts to retrieve the plugin without using all the resources at their disposal. Learby tapped his own two fingers on the table to emphasize his next point and stood up to take the floor. "Then it is settled gentlemen. We will send a team of 3 people into the Gate using Murphy's delicate Statix suits. I will clear the paperwork for it, and I will need 3 volunteers for this." Learby looked down as if disappointed and the tone of his voice changed as he added, "Obviously they can't do any worse than Cheani has. Are there any disagreements to this ?" * * * The table got silent. Murphy sat down and smiled slightly. He was pleased. If this went well and successfully, then his next proposal to dismantle the Gate would be well and better received. He would certainly do all he could to help this mission, if only to further his cause of being a 'helpful' citizen and earn his place back in Central. It would be points in his favor and he knew it. Learby gave a wary look over to Murphy. He was obviously not an idiot and knew that Murphy was helping out for his own personal reasons. He never did want him here in Central and preferred he be cooling his heels in prison for slurring Central earlier rather than being confined to his home as he was. Murphy was a dangerous man in his book to Central Command and he definitely did not trust him. Learby continued to stare angrily at Murphy knowing entirely his ulterior motives. "Then we have an agreement. Let us get underway with this new project and we'll pick volunteers for the mission at that time as time is of the essence ! Dismissed !" and he clicked his feet together in a kind of salute. Everyone stood up suddenly, including Murphy and observed the same rite. Learby left the room and Murphy made certain he was far behind him. Murphy wanted to lead up this 'rescue' mission and didn't want any uncomfortable questions by Learby to muck it up. He also had a dirty trick up his sleeve that Central was most definitely not expecting. PLANET EARTH: Year 0-0-2010, LOCATION: Secret Underground Organization of the Arkos Institute Meanwhile back on Earth and miles underground at the Arkos Institute. Arkos himself, twisted being that he was, was talking to the unconscious form of Stefani that he was a Cylurean from the Spectral Dimension had released his grip on her unconscious form and a 2nd wheelchair made for his design awaited him in the next room. He slithered over to it on his snake-like tail with considerable prowess and climbed inside. Then he tapped a few controls and 4 large mechanical arms descended from the ceiling to lift Stefani gently by her shoulders and knees from the ground onto an operating table awaiting her. Arkos glided his chair forward to look at her. In his haste he bumped his chair directly into the table so he could stretch a withered hand across her forehead, almost in a loving reaction. He then closed his hand tight forming a shadow over her and spoke to himself in a tone full of venomous contempt, "This is the last time I will have any problems with you dear Stefani. You can be certain of that." he opened his hand and pointed a bony finger at her threateningly and tapped another control with his other hand. A darkness suddenly shrouded the entire room and pinpoint red laser dots shone down from the ceiling to light up portions of her pretty hair to assist with what would happen next. LOCATION: Surface, city of Wanabee, Dev's hometown Back at Waialaia Middle school, both me, and my name is Dev, and Lilly, Tyr's bestest friend had finished up our classes for the day and were walking home now. Today is my Birthday making me 18-years old and I should be excited but I'm not. I was still expressing concerns of my Birthday party being held at Scant's, who was on obvious and somehow 'repentant' bully at school, but Lilly, who was a few years younger than me but wiser in the ways of the world was consoling me about it. "I don't get it." I said confused as we started walking home, "Why is Scant being so polite to me now ? I mean with all the swirlies, why the sudden niceness ?" Lilly smiled in a way that led me to believe that she was definitely a bully herself earlier as she had told me. And while she only admitted only to holding a camera so the video could be uploaded to MeScreen on the internet for her classmates to watch in amusement. I still wasn't happy that she was any part of the abusive bullying behavior or of the fact of it's long-term psychological damage. I gave her a sour look. And that was all it took. A soft giggle escaped her which she bit back suddenly. I looked to her with a pained expression, "Lilly, I'm serious, it smells terr - " I paused, exasperated that I should have to explain anything to her, "Look, it's not funny, OKAY ?" Lilly was gone in giggles now seeing how distressed I was over it, "Oh yes it is ! When you - " and she held her hand out flat and thrust it down suddenly giving a low whistle to show what happened when she did it to other classmates. Then she grasped the air and moved it around like was scrubbing someone's head in the bowl. I looked to Lilly with new eyes as she suddenly held her nose with both hands to show how nasty it was with an evil smile on her face. How could I possibly trust her now if she did this horrible action to other students ? I felt tears well up in my eyes. Was there no-one I could turn to in the world now ? "Geez, Dev, I'm sorry." she said, changing her tone noticing that I was seeing a side of her I hadn't seen before. "It's really got you bummed out, huh ? You know it's all in fun, Scant swirling your head in the commode at school ? You know it's just a silly macho thing, doncha ?" I squinted my eyes closed angrily to prevent any tears from flowing but my voice was tight and angry, "Not when it happens every damned week, Lilly ! Then it's notta game anymore ! It changes you, Lilly. Can't you see that ? It takes away you being a human." Lilly shook her head not understanding but I was in a definite rage now and continued, "You start to lose track of time and who you are as a person, you lose your identity and don't know WHERE you belong in the world anymore because THEY say THAT - " And I pointed my thumb down shakily to emphasize what I was saying, "THAT is where I belong !" I cried and wiped my eyes which refused to stop the tears from coming out now that I tried to look at her to see if she had any shred of guilt on her face now. Lilly suddenly rubbed my back comfortingly. "Well GEEZ ! You're not supposed to let it happen for THAT long to ya ! Man, just say NO to them or something, okay ? They're sick b******s if they carry it on that long. And don't listen to them, 'kay ?" I nodded but couldn't answer back. I know it all started with Sharon holding my hand back in 3rd grade. If she wasn't there, I would've run away the first time it happened to me. How could I relate the feelings I felt when this one amazing held my hand through it all ? I would do anything for that feeling again. To have my hand held. Anything. Even today. (to be continued) ... END OF CHAPTER 1 Return back HOME   You are Earth Visitor #

Reviews

[JayG]

You’ve put a lot of work into these stories. Why not put some time aside to work on the craft of the writer? At the moment, you’re still using the nonfiction writing skills we all learn in our school years. They’re meant to inform, not entertain, so they’re fact based, and author-centric. And because you’re using them for fiction, your story reads too much like a chronicle of events—a history, presented, as all histories are, by a dispassionate external observer, talking primarily in overview. The form is: “here’s the setting…here’s what ‘s happening…you need to know this…now, this happens…then someone says that…and that matters, because…”

Who buys history books as light reading, especially the history of fictional characters? I mean no disrespect, but as someone who owned a manuscript critiquing service, I can tell you that were this a submission it would be rejected quickly, because of the outside in approach.

The problem you face is that the primary purpose of fiction is to entertain. Your reader is looking for an emotional experience, not informational. And to move the reader emotionally the writing must be emotion, not fact-based, and character, not author-centric.

Never lose sight of the fact that your reader can neither see your performance nor hear the emotion in your voice. You can as you read, of course, so the voice in your head is alive with emotion. But your reader has only the emotion inherent to the wording, as modified by the punctuation. Have your computer read it aloud and you’ll hear what a reader gets, and I think you’ll find it’s nothing like what you hear as you read…or intend the reader to get.

It’s not a matter of talent or story. It’s that because our school-given writing skills touch not at all on the constraints and mandates our medium places on us, or the solutions developed over the years, we all leave our school years believing that we know how to write as a professional fiction writer defines that act.

If only. And reading fiction helps little, because as in any other profession, there are many tricks of the trade that are invisible till pointed out. In reading, we see the finished product, with all the imperfections polished away. To create that product, we need the process. So, hours spent acquiring that knowledge—a writer’s education—will be time well spent. And a great resource is the local library system’s, fiction writing section. My personal suggestion is to seek the names, Dwight Swain, Jack Bickham, or Debra Dixon on the cover.

Not good news, I know, but I thought you would want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[dw817]

Wow ... umm ... Gimme a sec, here. Reading ...

Ok, I see where this is going.

Jay, years ago, I wrote video games. But I never learned to program.

Years ago, I played the piano. I wrote many compositions years ago. Won a silver award in talent competition at college. I never learned to play the piano though.

Years ago, I sang. I won a gold award for singing perfect soprano in a play then. I never had any voice lessons.

Years ago I was hired for typing. Today I can type about 135wpm with about 99% accuracy. I have never learned to type.

I learned a great deal of mathematics and concepts of handling data structures through my Guardian. A woman who visits me in my dreams. The math and calculations involved in S2 were for the most part what she taught me.

Understand I have learned to do many things without instruction. And maybe I'm just stubborn or something that prevents me from ever doing anything the right way.

Today I write silly little teen reader stories. Recent Star Wars, Lost In Space, and Lost Saucer fan-fiction included.

Sometimes the plot is tragic, sometimes silly, sometimes kinky, sometimes with pretty neat Sci-Fi stuff - or at least I think it's cool. :)

I have never taken any classes on writing.

What I'm getting at is, I do what I can do because I have patience. Once I learn the minimal amount of whatever it takes to do something, I fly with it. I find things out on my own, and maybe they are already written out. But I find great joy in discovering things for myself.

I never learned typing. Today I type using about 5-6 fingers only, including both thumbs. The keyboard is at a 45 degree angle (counter-clockwise) which forces accuracy out of me. And yet, I can still type with high speed.

When I did take a music class, I brought my own little electronic keyboard. The teacher singled me out and pointed out a single key and asked me what it was. I said that was a 2nd of the 3rd black. The teacher smiled, not nicely, and said, "I see you have made your own notation. If you plan to pass this class, you will need to unlearn all you have."

I quit the class right then much to the amusement of the other students. But it was college and I could do that, to replace it with a different class. Physics. And then I went on to write many pieces of music, mostly from my detailed dreams.

Now let's get to writing. Some of my favorite authors are Beverly Cleary, Judy Blume, and more recently Barbara Park for her Junie B. Jones series.

You can find a list of Junie B. Jones characters HERE:
http://juniebjones.com/characters

The Future Barrier books have well-known and recurring characters in them as well each with their own idiosyncrasies, history, and drives.

You can find a list of those characters HERE:
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/dw817/1331675/

I have never thought my writing was ever professional, adult, or mature (by excellence and quality I mean). No, they are just teen reader stories with a lot of angst.

My friend, Chris monitors what I write and jokes with me that there are a bunch of teenage girls in Japan who must really like what I write because that's the style I've adopted. I'm not sure where he's seeing that.

But that's the way I write. With deep descriptions. To paint pictures in the mind. It is not so much focusing on the internal thoughts and turmoil of each actor as it is to put the reader directly in that environment and setting. Like describing a movie. That's how I write.

Understand also I am a strong believer of "Sybok" from Star Trek. He is Spock's half-brother. He believes that pain, anyone's pain, is something to be shared with others.

And that there is strength in the sharing. You don't keep your feelings all bottled up. You work it out.

The doctor I see every week for instance is very glad I am writing out in stories some the bullying and abuse that happened to me in the past instead of what some patients do who take it out physically on others, hunt down past transgressors, and wind up in very serious trouble trying to exact some form of revenge.

I was once offered to write up these silly little stories into books you can find on a bookshelf. But I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for the big time nor would I want it.

I'm quite content where I'm at, to write up these little chapters. A type of catharsis if you will, and even if there are no comments, I'm fine with that. Max Rabinowitz is a great influence for me in his book, "The Day They Scrambled My Brains In The Funny Factory."

My writing is sort of like a public diary. Many many stories are written from beyond vivid dreams.

These chapters have also gone over many many rewrites as well. To my longtime readers, they already know that I have deliberately left out and changed hundreds of pages of content for each of the Future Barrier books written so far. What I have left out is very painful indeed from the past and turns my stories more into accounts of pure abuse rather than a silly science fiction story about a magical and futuristic USB plugin.

Years ago before I thought of my readers, however, I wrote out quite thoroughly each chapter to the story from my extended dream and did not "hedge" around any controversial subject matter at all. I wrote it out in black and white, and Tom, one of my proofreaders and friends was the first to point out how "dark" the stories were.

Today I try to take consideration of my readers and, if there is abuse in the story, I include it only if it is absolutely integral to the flow of the story and even so I do not go into great detail anymore.

I also take Seroquel every night. If I don't, I hallucinate - and badly. A side effect of Anageria. You can see this in some of the rather scary and insane stories when my meds were unbalanced. Some chapters in Future Barrier may appear nightmarish indeed because of this.

I appreciate what you wrote, Jay. But under no circumstances will I ever be ready for the "big time." My stories are not that good.

I'm fine where I'm at. Trying to not get too graphic or violent in abuse, and at the same token have familiar faces from past stories that can be related with, embraced, perhaps some fondly, perhaps some infamously, and recognized for their position in the books. Focusing on the good and the amazing.

It's difficult for a movie to try and be a book with complete understanding through all stages. Take Frank Herbert's DUNE for instance. The 1984 video to me is a rock-solid 5-star production but critics say it generalized too much about the world of Dune and left out too much detail - despite being very close to 3-hours.

My writing style is specifically a book trying to be a movie. Including enough detail so the reader is actually there. They actually experience what the protagonist feels, what they see, what they say, and what they hear. I think this is an important attribute in writing and painfully missing except in so many teen reader books today.

Friends in the past have often called me a 7-pointed divot slammed firmly into a 6-pointed hole. Maslow's Law Of The Hammer, if you will. I know today I'm damaged goods, permanently, and perhaps that is reflected in the way I write.

But I know of no other writing style nor do I think I can change to a "better" one today.

Thanks for your time and interest ...

[JayG]

• I have never taken any classes on writing.

Nor read any good books on writing fiction. Hardly a virtue. And given the lack of comments on chapter one, as a new posting, a demonstration of that fact.

Assuming you were a success in those other fields you mention, your belief that you can do anything you care to without bothering to learn the basics is short-sighted. Obviously, based on your approaqch to presenting the story, you're still thinking in terms of plot events as being what makes a story interesting—facts—when the reader came to be entertained by being made to live, not know the story. In other words, using the nonfiction skills we all learn in our school days, and use daily in our profession, in presenting fiction.

• Today I write silly little teen reader stories. Recent Star Wars, Lost In Space, and Lost Saucer fan-fiction included.

What you write is irrelevant. That you're writing a chronicle of events, from the outside in, instead from within the viewpoint of the players, matters.

It's not a matter of talent or potential, it's that you're still using the nonfiction skills we learned in grade-school. Everyone comes to writing fiction in that position because our teachers don't tell us we're learning only nonfiction writing skills.

• My writing style is specifically a book trying to be a movie.

No, it's pretty typical of what I see in hopeful writers, a transcription of themselves telling what's happening in the mental film they're watching. So everything a reader gets is in the voice of the narrator—a voice that only you can hear, making what the reader gets devoid of any trace of emotion.

You forget that your intent dribbles from the words at the keyboard. For the reader, the meaning is what the words and their placement suggests to THEM, based on THEIR background. They can't mentally see the expressions and body-language of your actors. They can't hear the emotion you hear in the telling. For you it's a living story. For them it's someone they can neither see nor hear explaining events they've not been made to care about.

And as such you use only sight and sound of the five senses. No one observes and analyzes before acting. Instead of making the reader react to the situation emotionally, you report emotion dispassionately, with something like " I felt tears well up in my eyes." But tears aren't something you discover. They're the result of emotional reaction. So reporting them, as against wiping them away, or trying to suppress them, is as dispassionate as saying the character noticed that their bladder was full. It makes the reader know, when they really want you to make THEM cry.

You intend to reinvent the wheel where writing is concerned? You figure that the reading you did taught you what you need to know, and that your muse will guide you? Okay, here's one for you, to test that idea:

Of the books in your personal library, more than half of them have something different about the first paragraph of each chapter. Given that you've seen this difference since you learned to read, you should instantly know what it is, and not have to look.

But ask any ten people and you'll find that almost all of them are unable to do so without looking. And if we miss something so damn obvious, what are the chances that you missed things far more critical that were right in front of you because, as they say, "art conceals art."

Did you get that scenes need to end in disaster for the protagonist, and why? How about why a scene goal is necessary and how to make it work for you? Do you know why, "Susan smiled when Jack came through the door," is a problem? Do you know why the structure of a scene on the screen is not like one on the page, and why that must be?

Those are pretty basic items, so you should—and would were you to have read a book on the basics, like Dwight Swain's, Techniques of the Selling Writer.

You like to write. That's great. You have the necessary perseverance. Another box ticked off.

But what's missing is the the necessary writing skills because we were given none of them in our school days. There, we were trained in the skills employers need, and we practiced them till they felt intuitive. Breaking those habits are a b***h. But without knowing WHAT needs to change, and why? Impossible.

But, you don't want to hear this, so I'll just bow out, with the suggestion that if you're going to spend so much time typing your stories, a few hours spent learning how writing to entertain differs from the nonfiction skills you own would be time wisely spent.

[dw817]

I think, if you'll pardon the expression, you are reading too much into this, Jay. :) Personally I like what I wrote and do come back to read and often improvise what I've done by changing, adding, or removing content.

Every chapter I've ever written, well, really for anything, is invariably a cliff-hanger, or written in such a way that someone is encouraged to read the next chapter.

Comments back in Xanga were quite positive on this particular saga (Barrier 1 & 2) when I initially posted it. Then again, they weren't professional writers, likely not professional readers for that matter - and just enjoyed a good and sometimes strange fantasy story that like the 1960s Batman w Adam West promised a new episode once if not twice a week.

I'm pleased I have such a critic who is investigating all of my writings, not just this 3-book saga. :)

I will consider your words and look to the link you posted for adjusting my methods of writing. This is the best I can offer you, or turn that around, the best I can offer myself.

[dw817]

... Chris came by. He said I was not being nice at all in my replies here. Okay, well, I apologize for that. I'm kinna sorta sensitive about my work here.

He said he can see your viewpoint that I am mentioning characters as if everyone already knows them and that is not very easy to follow for new readers.

And, I am. So - I added at the top what and where each character fit in the previous stories. I will do this for all opening books.

And, I'll go to read what you wrote regarding improving my craft as a writer. Who knows ? The worst that could happen is I understand and agree with it. :)