A Brother's Love

              

               John was watching the rain land on his bedroom window. He only watched the rain when he was depressed.  He was thinking back to the events that happened today.  Alex was depressed in his room as well. He was also thinking about the events that happened too.

                “Hey Jamie,” John had said to his girlfriend of two years.

                “What do you want,” she asked with a mad look written on her face.

                “I’m your boyfriend I want to hang out with you,” he said. She just glared even more at him. Before he knew it she smacked him.

                “You are not my boyfriend anymore. You are a loser and a liar. My friends were right about you. Don’t ever come near me again,” she said.

                “What did I even do? I didn’t do anything to you,” John said. He frowned at her. Jamie was never like that. She was always a sweet girl even when she had her period.

                “That’s what you think. I saw you kiss another girl,” she said.

                “I didn’t do anything like that. I do have a twin you know? We are identical maybe you saw him kissing his girlfriend, Angie,” John responded. His brother did look just like him and it wasn’t too hard to tell them apart because John’s hair was long. His brother’s hair was a little shorter. His brother had dark brown hair while John had black hair.

                “I forgot you had a brother,” Jamie said apologetically. She did notice that the guy was kissing the girl had dark brown hair.

                “It’s alright do you want to hang out at the mall,” John asked her.

                “Not really. I don’t want to see you ever again. I just lost interest in you. I’m sorry for accusing you of kissing another girl, but I still don’t want to be with you,” Jamie said.

                She walked away before John could say anything. John just looked down when Jamie walked away. He never thought he would lose the girl he loved over a mistake. He didn’t blame his brother, but he couldn’t help being mad at him. He was always mistaken for his brother.

                He believed that he wasn’t as special as his brother was. He always thought he was stupid. He didn’t make good grades in school. His brother Alex made better grades. He was always on Honor Roll while John had only gotten Merit. Sometimes John wouldn’t even get merit roll because he would stop doing homework.

                “Hey John,” Alex said when he saw John.

                “What,” John said in an angry tone.

                “I just said hi John. What is eating your butt,” he asked.

                “My girlfriend broke up with me. She mistook you for me. She saw you kissing Angie,” John told his brother. Alex’s girlfriend was prettier than Jamie had been. Jamie had light brown hair that went down her back. Jamie had light blue eyes and she had a few pimples on her face. Angie had black hair and it went down to her butt. She had dark brown eyes and no pimples on his face ever.

                “I’m sorry,” Alex had said.

                “You’re always sorry. I’m starting to get tired of you,” John said to his brother.

                “What are you talking about,” Alex asked.

                “I hate you. You are so perfect. I wish you weren’t my brother,” John exploded. Alex had a hurt look on his face after John said I had you.

                “John, how could you think that? No one is perfect. I love you bro,” Alex said.

                “I don’t love you. Get away from me. Don’t ever come near me again,” John said and ran. Alex still had a hurt look on his face. He had never seen John get as angry as he had before. Alex didn’t want his brother to be mad at him.

                Alex walked away sadly and people were staring at him as he walked. He looked like he was ready to cry. Alex had never done anything to hurt his brother.  Alex was thinking to himself in the park.

---

                John was sitting on a park bench next to a water fountain. He saw Jamie there when he got there. She was holding another guy’s hand. The guy had long blond hair. John could only see his hair though at first. He could see his face and saw that it was one of his best friends.

                The new couple went past John. Jamie saw John when she walked past him. She had a scared look on her face because John looked ready to kill Jake.

                “Jamie, why are you holding Jake’s hand?”

                “He is my boyfriend now,” Jamie said. John looked down at the ground again. He had said those awful things to her brother. Now he felt bad for saying them. John got really angry and he punched Jake in the face.

                Then he ran off to look for Alex because he had felt bad for what he said. He found Alex walking slowly back to their house.

                “Alex,” John called.

                “Yes, John,” he asked.

                “I’m sorry for what I said. It wasn’t your fault that she broke up with me. I’m really sorry for what I said. I love you, Alex. Don’t ever forget that,” he said. He hugged Alex and Alex started to feel better.

                “I forgive you. I’m sorry for Jake betraying you. Do you want to talk about it?”

                “Not right now. Maybe a little later,” John responded.

                John still sat in his room depressed. He wouldn’t eat and no one could get him to talk. John ended up crying when he thought about earlier. Alex checked on him every once in a while. He wanted his brother to open up, but he was too depressed.

                “John, are you still upset,” Alex came into John’s room and asked.

                “Not as upset as before, but I’m still depressed,” John finally responded.

                “I can understand you were betrayed,” Alex said.

                “Thanks for being an understanding brother. I love you, Alex,” he said. They hugged one last time and then they just left each other again. Alex was happy that he had his brother back. John was happy Alex didn’t hate him.

The End.

Author's Note

Please read and review.

Reviews

[Gracie-San]

This was a good storyline, but I agree with others that it does need a little work. Maybe make the sentences flow so they seem a less choppy and make the dialogue a little more believable instead of having them just say something that's contrived. I guess in a sense, make it more emotional.

It was a decent story over-all and if you polish it up with a re-write, it could be magnificent! I hope I've helped. :)

[vixen :)]

it was alright. needs some work. but good story line.
could have been more in depth it was a quick read.

[JenLyn]

A decent story, maybe do a bit of a re-write and watch the grammar etc. Overall it was a good write. Keep it up! :)

[James Watts]

This is not bad, needs a little polish, but not much. I am not going into grammar or any of those issues, those you can work out in future drafts. I only review on story. It had a an easy-to-relate feel and a nice flow. I agree with the reviewer below, you have a nice writing style, one that will not bog down or confuse the reader. Nice work.

[Thomas Fleet]

It's a good story, Angela. I especially like your style of writing in this one.
Good grammar/punctuation, and an overall great storyline.
I think you're a great writer! You definitely write more than I ever could.
Thanks for sharing.