Aidan-Chapter 1

Chapter 1

                “Mommy, mommy,” six-year-old Aidan said.

                “Your mother is dead and she is never coming back!” exclaimed an unknown voice in the darkness.

                Aidan jolted up in bed. His long black hair was falling into his face. Aidan looked at the picture of his Mom that was sitting next to his bed on his dresser. In the picture she had a bright smile on her face. Aidan smiled at the picture because that was his favorite moment of his mother. Then Aidan's eyes started to tear up as he remembered that it had been ten years since his mother’s death. The police had not figured out what had happened yet. John was ruled as a suspect, but he was not found in the murder of his wife. Aidan's mother and father were in a really happy marriage before the murder. Aidan, of course, was ruled out as a suspect since he didn't know how to use a weapon. They ruled the crime as a homicide, but there were no suspects at that moment. The police were still searching for the murderer, but the case went cold since they couldn't find anything. They would reopen the case if they found any more clues.

               The dream that Aidan had was one that he kept having over and over again. Aidan saw himself as his six-year-old self and the unknown voice saying, “She is never coming back.” Aidan knew that his mother was never coming back. Aidan had known that for ten long years.

                Aidan got out of bed and walked over to the mirror. Aidan saw that his hair was all over the place. He laughed at what his hair was doing. Aidan picked up a red comb and combed his hair back into place.

                Aidan heard a knock on the door and John entered the room.

                “Morning Aidan, I have to go into work early. My boss called me last night and she told me that they had a new case ready for me,” John explained. Over the ten years John was inspired to become a medical examiner. (He took schooling over those years to get the position that he wanted.) New deaths would be reported almost every day. John would have to go to work at anytime and he would leave early because John wanted to come home as early as possible. John was inspired to become a medical examiner because of the loss of his wife, Ashley.

                “Alright, Dad, I will see you when you come home. What time do you expect to be home tonight? I will try to have dinner ready by then,” he said. Aidan was soft spoken and sometimes difficult to hear. Aidan had changed from when he was a kid. Aidan was quieter and he was not as outgoing. What do you expect though?

             "About eight or nine. I will see you later then, son," John said a smile creeping onto his face.

                John left and Aidan was alone in the house. Aidan was looking around the kitchen for something to eat. He was the one that was cooking most of the time because John wasn't really around a lot since he was so busy working. When Aidan was much younger he used to have a baby sitter to come and watch him. Aidan didn’t like that too much, but he didn’t complain because he didn’t want to give his father a hard time. Aidan always did what he was told which was always a good thing.

                When his breakfast was done he put it on a plate to let it cool for a little bit. Aidan made himself some eggs and turkey bacon. Aidan liked regular bacon, but they had run out of that the day before. He thought turkey bacon was good because it was healthier than bacon. Aidan would normally be cooking for two, but since John was working he didn't really need to.

                The telephone started ringing around nine o’clock. Aidan sighed and went to get the phone. Aidan didn’t really like to talk on the phone much.

                “Hello,” Aidan said into the phone.  Aidan was trying to guess who was on the phone.              

                “Hey Aidan, its Randy, I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out today,” Randy said on the other end of the phone. Randy had been Aidan’s best friend since grade school. Randy was the complete opposite of Aidan, but Randy understands that it was because of the events that happened to him as a child. Randy knew about what happened to his mother since he was a little boy because Aidan was his best friend. Aidan was never able to hide anything from Randy because Randy would push Aidan into telling him anything. Randy knew when something was wrong with his best friend.

                “Hey Randy, sure where did you want to go today?” Aidan asked his buddy.

                “I was thinking about going to the roller rink to see if the girls were there,” Randy said.

                “You mean your girlfriend right? You know I don’t have a girlfriend right now,” Aidan said. Aidan really didn’t want a girlfriend either because it was too hard to bear the thought of having a girlfriend. Aidan didn’t believe in cooties, but he wasn’t really that comfortable around girls. Randy knew that, but insisted that he goes on a date with a girl just once. Aidan is sixteen years old and he has never been on a date because he was too shy.

                “Yeah, I want to see her. I haven’t seen her since last week. I have been too busy to visit her. I don’t want to go alone,” Randy said to his best friend.

                “Randy, I’ll go, but you have to promise that you won’t try to hook me up with some girl. I hate when you do that. I always get embarrassed because I never know what to say to her. It is always awkward when we try to have a conversation. I know never know wha to say. Plus you always try to make me hook up with some girl and that makes the day very unbearable.”

                “I promise,” Randy said, but Aidan could hear in Randy's voice that he was disappointed. Aidan just sighed because he knew Randy had someone in mind already.He didn't even want to knew who it was.

                “Well I am going to get ready. Bye,” Aidan said to Randy. Aidan hung up on him before Randy could get any words out. Aidan knew that he was going to regret going to the roller rink with Randy. Aidan always did because he would get some girls number that he  would never call. Aidan never really learned to roller skate either, but it was funny to watch him try. He tried his best to keep from falling when he did go roller-skating. Aidan was better at skateboarding.

                Aidan went in the shower with his mother on his mind, but that was because of that stupid dream he had again. Aidan hated having that stupid dream about his mother and the unknown voice. Aidan at least only had it every once in a while. When he was a kid he had it every night after she passed away. Aidan would wake up screaming and his dad had to come calm the poor kid down. Aidan didn’t know why the dream was suddenly popping up.

                “Maybe the dream is trying to tell me something. Something that could be really important, but I shouldn't dwell on the dream now. I need to prepare for my fun day with Randy,” Aidan thought to himself as water was running over him. He sighed at the thought of that. While Aidan was thinking about that he was in the shower. His hair was getting wet as he let the water run over it and he loved the feel of water running through his hair. Aidan never knew why, but that always seemed to calm him down or when his dad rubbed his back when he was a kid to calm him after having that terrible dream.

                Aidan got dressed in his usual attire. A black shirt with black trick pants. Aidan had always been a fan of black and his hair was naturally black. Aidan never had to dye his hair like Randy had to. Randy would dye his hair dark brown. Randy was naturally a dirty blonde, but he didn’t want to have blonde in his hair. Randy thought that he looked bad with it, but Aidan tried to convince him otherwise.

                Aidan walked out of the house when he was ready and walked over to the roller rink to wait for Randy to arrive there. Randy was always late anyways and that bothered the heck out of Aidan.

Author's Note

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the reedit.

Reviews

[Taylor Hurst]

First off, always go with Chris's reviews lol hes awesome. Second of all. I just want to say I think there were a few spots where you could use context clues to explain stuff to us instead of telling us. Like: “Hello,” Aidan said into the phone. Aidan was trying to guess who was on the phone. -----You could just put "Hello?" Aidan said into the phone.

We know he doesn't know who is on the phone and putting the ? means he didn't know. Get it? Another great chapter. Is this book finished? If so whats the word count on it? I feel the chapters are a bit short. But that could just be me. Great chapter!

No Offense: Heres another spot where I feel you could use show and not tell as a way of getting your point across: "Aidan walked out of the house when he was ready and walked over to the roller rink to wait for Randy to arrive there. Randy was always late anyways and that bothered the heck out of Aidan."

Aidan left the house and made his way over to the roller rink to wait for his friend. The idea of waiting there gave him butterflies in the pit of his stomach.
(Italics) Why are you always late Randy?" (/Italics)

Also, He's 6...would his parents be ok with him walking around by himself?
Still a good chapter.

[∠( ᐛ 」..]

Hmm.......... I LOVE IT! :D
Great work!
100/100

[Angie Diane♥♥]

Thank you :D

[emman]

cool!I'll keep reading :)

[Leave me alone....]

omg this is soooo awesome! i'm gunna keep reading~

[Chris]

When you say "the police had not figured out what had happened yet," do you mean the case is still ongoing? I might be wrong on this, but would they really be working on the same case for 10 years? I would want to say they would declare it as a cold case if they found nothing in 5 years, if not sooner than that. Like I said, I could be wrong, but I thought I'd point it out anyway. Of course, if I misunderstood what you meant, then disregard this whole paragraph. :)

I agree with what others are saying; the reoccurring dream is a nice touch, and it's believable for someone to be experiencing something like that after what Aidan had to experience.

You might want to be careful about telling us too much. Remember: show, don't tell. You have a tendency to do that when explaining Aidan's behavior. For example:

The telephone started ringing around nine o’clock. Aidan sighed and went to get the phone. Aidan didn’t really like to talk on the phone much since he was quieter than when he was a child.

First, you already told us that Aidan is different from how he was when he was a kid (that he's quiet), so there's no need to remind us. Second, don't tell us that he doesn't like to talk on the phone; show us. You already started showing us, too, when he sighed. That could hint at him being annoyed with the phone ringing. But of course, the sighing could be taken a number of ways, so you would need to show us more. Maybe by saying something like "Part of him wanted to ignore it" or "Reluctantly, he walked over." Something along those lines. It's up to you on how you want to show it, but try to do that than blatantly inform us that he doesn't like talking on the phone.

Hope this helps. :)

[Some Random Person.]

Reoccurring dreams are a nightmare. Trust me, I've been a victim of such things....

Anyways, it's going well. Keep writing.

[~ Czarina Iris ~]

I like the reoccurring dream, it adds to the mystery that surrounds his mother's death. It was a great first chapter, it held my attention (something few books are able to do so early on). I look forward to reading more =]

[Julie Beth]

i feel bad that Aidan still has bad dreams about his mom i like randy reading mroe :)

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Heart goes out to Aidan

[~Death The Kid~ ☜..]

im gonna read more now ^^ its really good :D