Who will it be

Who will it be

A Story by eaglefeather
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A young woman is looking forward to her date when she realizes she has accidentally scheduled two dates for the exact same time. How will she get around this dilemma? Find out how

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Without meaning to, she’d arranged two dates for the same evening. She was debating which one to go to, when the cashier rang up her card and handed it back to her. She grabbed the card and her coffee from off the counter. As she walked out of the shop she thought about which to go to. One guy had brown hair and hazel eyes that were always full of excitement. He was very active and liked the park. She had been looking forward to evening walks in the park on the cool autum evenings. Then there was the other one she had scheduled, she had beautiful blue eyes and long hair with black streaks. She was calmer and was almost mystical, like she knew things nobody around her knew. Her favorite thing was talking dives in to water, she enjoyed swimming in any water she could find. Evelyn had been looking forward to afternoons spent swimming and lounging on the beach. Evelyn could decide between the two . she looked at the building in front of her and walked in. the lady at the front desk asked her name. Evelyn told the lady her name then asked if she could bring them both to the same meeting area. The lady nodded her head and ushered her to the meeting area. It was quiet space with bean bag chairs and toys around. Then the door opened. The lady walked in and told evelyn that they were on their way now and would be in any minute. Evelyn hoped to her self that maybe they would want to be a family of three, just maybe. Then the door opened and the lady walked in with them. They seemed to like each other and were wagging their tails to see each other. The two dogs were so excited and a little nervous to see evelyn but they evetually came running over and played with her. one was a beautiful female huskey and the other was a energetic male chocalate lab. Later that evening she handed the papers to the lady and she handed some back to evelyn. Then evelyn and new named, tyler and dolly, walked to evelyn’s apatment as a new family of three.

© 2021 eaglefeather


Author's Note

eaglefeather
This is my first story and I hope you enjoy. I hope you were surprised with the ending. The person who usually edits my stories and grammar mistakes hasn’t gone through this so I know that there some mistake and I am open to suggestions.

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wtp
I thought this was very cleverly done. Introducing the difference in genders between the two dogs was a nice bit of misdirection setting the reader up for the big twist at the end. Your editing pal may wince in a place or two, but those grammatical mistakes didn’t really impact this reader’s experience.

If you decide to revisit this story, it would be a good vehicle for experimenting with "show" versus "tell." For example, instead of writing:
"Evelyn could[n't] decide between the two. ... Evelyn told the lady her name then asked if she could bring them both to the same meeting area."
you could say something like:
Evelyn marched over to the woman at the desk. "I'm Evelyn. Could you bring Jeffrey and Lisa down to meet me? I just can't decide who to take out..."

All in all, a very nice first story! I hope you will keep writing them...

Posted 1 Week Ago


eaglefeather

1 Week Ago

thank you so much for the comment and i should probably add more dialogue to the stories i write.
wtp

1 Week Ago

Eaglefeather,

I did not mean to imply that dialogue was needed! Your story was a ple.. read more

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Added on May 29, 2021
Last Updated on May 29, 2021

Author

eaglefeather
eaglefeather

Coopersville , MI



Writing