Twisted Fate Prologue

Ambition. A simple word in itself, but the complexity of its meaning defines every aspect of my life. Objectives, goals, desires, I pursue with tenacity, never ceasing even after I achieve the desired outcome. My ambition is what got me where I am today.

At the age of twenty-five, I have achieved more than most men twice my age. I went the entrepreneurial route, starting Rhodes Image Consulting straight out of high school. It took about two years to climb out of the red, but now the profit is astronomical. Instead of sitting back and reaping the benefits, I do most of the leg work. So, here I am, still at the office, eyes glued to my laptop, answering emails and setting up business meetings.

The visibility is slowly fading as night falls, but I do not turn on the lights in the office. The glow from the laptop and the city lights that shine through the wall of windows behind me are all I need. I type in the company web address. My beautiful mug graces the home page. I can never get enough of seeing myself immortalized in cyberspace. Caleb will have to update the site, though. The picture is over a year old. My hair is shorter now. I don’t know what ever possessed me to grow my hair long. I would spend hours manipulating it, only to achieve an unkempt appearance. Looking back, I am disgusted by it. The quick fix, tousled style is much more appealing.

I pick up my mobile phone and send a text to Caleb demanding that he update the page immediately. My reliable assistant responds within seconds, sending a recent photo for review. The photo is flattering. My emerald green eyes pop out of the screen. The light brown highlights against my chestnut brown hair portray a professional appearance. As I reply in approval, I realize that I didn’t mention specifically what I wanted him to update. Caleb and I are always on the same wavelength. It’s scary how well he knows me. I guess that’s why we get along so famously.

The light clack of heels startles me. I lose my breath as the sound grows louder. All day, I have been distracted by thoughts of her. Lavinia. It has to be her. As the door slowly opens, my wildest dreams are confirmed. Lord, help me!

There she stands in the doorway. Her knee-length, purple satin coat is tied at the waist, accentuating her slender figure. Her large brown, puppy dog eyes seem to smile at me through her mile long lashes, but her lips are set in a hard line.

As she approaches me, my head begins to spin. I have been pining over this woman for months, ever since Caleb introduced us. She has always been just out of my reach, which makes me want her even more. The fact that she is here now, after hours, has my nerves running amok.

Lavinia sits on the side of the desk and leans in toward me. Her soft voice vibrates through me as she says, “Hello, Damien. You look surprised. Didn’t Caleb tell you I was coming by?”

I loosen the knot of my tie, gulping nervously. “He neglected to mention it.” I breathe in as much air as I can manage as she rotates her body to my side of the desk, crossing her legs and resting her stiletto shoe on the arm of my chair. Black stilettos and no hose. How incredibly sexy!

“I couldn’t believe it when Caleb told me you were still here. I had to come see for myself.”

“An image consultant’s work doesn’t follow a nine to five schedule.” I can tell by the way her eyes slightly roll that she thinks I’m nuts for being here this late.

“The city sure is beautiful at night,” she says, sliding off of the desk and walking over to the windows. She places her hand on the window and looks outside. “The view from here is spectacular.”

I rise from my chair and walk toward her. Lavinia’s spiky onyx hair tickles my neck as I stand behind her. “It’s definitely breathtaking,” I say quietly. My hands move across the soft satin, settling on each side of her waist. I catch the scent of lilac and I breathe it in deeply. Can this woman be any more perfect?

Her hands slide across the back of mine, her touch as smooth as the satin. She grabs the knot, untying the straps of her coat. I stare at her reflection in the window, at a complete loss for words as I take in the sight of her flawless body. If there was any doubt in my mind, it is now eradicated. This is going to happen. My lips softly kiss her neck. I can feel my body trembling out of control.

“Relax,” she whispers. I back away from her slightly as she turns around to face me. “This is destiny.”

I smile, gently pulling her body against mine. This is certain to be the most memorable night of my life.

Reviews

[Satori]

You have a very aloof and distant voice here, but it is very well written. I'm curious as to why you have chosen to present the character in such a distant and almost cold way. I kept reading just to see if he would warm up, which means you managed to hook my interest rather quickly. Good job.

My only critical feedback is in this line here: "All day, I have been distracted by thoughts of her. Lavinia. It has to be her." Expand upon this. Why has he been thinking about her, what consumes his thoughts. Take a moment to give us a glimpse of Lavinia before she enters the stage.

[easybreezy]

Thank you for reading. This is just a short glimpse into Damien's last human moments. Chapter one gives more insight.

[Jazique]

First off Spelling wise you are cleared with an A+ and for grammar well as a writer microsoft word holds us down with no boudary to how we speak or think but, it does for you, make a ";" after "Ambition" rather than "." and put an "and" between "goals" and "desires". As for your writing in general though nice intro really allowing us to have a peak inside the character, wonderful job with descriptions, and the ending just screams can't wait for more. So can't wait to continue to read this.

[easybreezy]

Thank you! I'm glad you like it so far. If the vampire genre doesn't appeal to you, I will not be offended if you don't continue... but I hope you do. :)

[A. H. Pinley]

Great work Breezy. I don't know why I haven't read this before.

[easybreezy]

Thank you! Glad you like it.

[James]

The critics and pundits have many negative things to say about the need of a prologue in a story but this truly feels balanced and has immediately drawn me in to read more. Great writing. Your prose flows very nicely. I am impressed.

[easybreezy]

Thank you, James. The timeline jumps to over two months later in the first chapter, so I thought it best to do a prologue. The critics can bite me! Just kidding! and pun intended :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[James]

I love the pun. Very well put. Are vampires your only monster that you write about?

[easybreezy]

This is the only book I've ever written. I have another one in the works, but I want to finish this one first. It is not supernatural in any way, just romance and drama.

[kaylin king]

I liked it a lot. It has just enough detail and story line to draw the reader in.

[easybreezy]

Thank you! I do hope you read on.

[dolphin]

I actually think that it works fine. It's abrupt but who cares. She obviously came there to seduce him. She even checked with Caleb to make sure he was there (subtext). Good job so far.
Onward

[EurasianFlavour]

I haven't read any of the other chapters yet, so from just reading this prologue, it sounds like this is Damien and Lavinia's first office escapade. Correct? Good start!

[easybreezy]

Yes, but it's not all fun and games!

[Lemunculus]

This is amazing, I don't have anything to say about it except what's already been said by CLUTZ, the dialogue all fits together very well and the characters are engaging, but I would like to get to know them a little better before anything happens, especially Damien. I like how the reactions of your characters are very realistic and easy to understand. 100/100 Really nice

[easybreezy]

The prologue is meant to be a brief glimpse into his human life. Chapter 1 will give more insight into Damien and his relationship with Lavinia.

[CLUTZ]

This first chapter is good, it kind of throws you into the story immediately, but that's okay sometimes. I think the ending was kind of abrupt though (You go from Lavinia walks into the office to Lavinia & Damian are getting ready to have sex -- or she's going to turn him -- either way it seems to move to fast) I think you should add a little more in between those two actions. I hope that makes sense. It feels like you're moving them in that direction much too quickly.
Everything else was good. There weren't any errors that I could see, spelling or otherwise, you could stand to space out your paragraphs a little more but I didn't see anything major.

[easybreezy]

Thank you for the review. I know it is a little abrupt, but I guess I just wanted to give a short glimpse into his human life and introduce the characters. I will try to think of something to add in. Perhaps some inner dialogue and back history of their prior encounters.

[CLUTZ]

That would work, and you're very welcome.

[Zap-the-awesome]

Hahah!! Loved it! Very good.

[easybreezy]

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it!