Out on the Patio

Just me inside someone's head

I saw the disorder, and the magnitude

Fell on us all.

We write and drink,

Discuss nothing and talk about everything.

 

I heard your words as it ejaculated out your mouth.

You shoot dribble and spew it out

And the words you drool...

 

I want to reach my hand down into your throat

And rip out your vocal cords

I want to slam your head into the bottle I hold.

For the stories you’ve told.

 

I sit here and there.

You follow.

I get up and leave

You shadow

 

Can’t you see I feel nothing.

Can’t you see I feel something.

But not for you

Not anymore.

 

I wish you were dead

Get out of my head

Get out of my life

I am now the lie.

 

What you want, I no longer care.

I wish you would vanish

Into thin air.

Reviews

[Kaylor Mason]

Sounds like this inner voice was telling you things about yourself that you absolutely hated, cold truths you couldn't afford to listen to . . . that kind of persecution from your own mind is enough to drive even the strongest man to drink and ruin

[Rick Puetter]

Dear eatmills,

Okay, I get this. I have this reaction sometimes with those I love. Remember, however, they are not you. You wouldn't say that. You would never do that. God forbid. But others would. Hard to take. Hard to swallow. I know.

Should we live with this? It is for each to decide. It is hard. Is it worth the effort and the displacement of self? I don't know. This is subjective.

I am a very tolerant person (they say). So I guess I swallow harder than most. But people don't need to be like me. It is for everyone to judge and say.

Your piece is remarkable and hit a strong chord with me. I think I totally associate with what you're talking about.

My very best regards. A wonderful effort and highest marks.

Rick

[eatmills]

This was actually written through the eyes of someone else. This is something that I am incapable of doing but this is what the emotions felt like that day.

Thanks for the review.

[Nobody.]

I like it. Got a sing-song feel at times, but that works with the 'heavy' content to create a strange and wonderful feeling. I enjoyed.
Cheers!
RG

[eatmills]

What can I say? I like music. Thanks for the review.

[Nobody.]

So do I. It was most certainly a compliment.
That's why I dig S. Plath, because she would build her pieces with a sing-song rhythm, and HEAVY content. BUT, sometimes, in my opinion, the sing song rythm mixed with light and poofy content makes for goofy work.
That is not the case here. I dug this. (just to clarify....I did really enjoy. lol)
Cheers!

[eatmills]

No worries, I take everything in strides nowadays. Glad you enjoyed it. I'll have to check out this S. Plath.

[Stanley Wilson]

great poem deep and meaningfull

[eatmills]

O i assure you that it is very deep. Thank you for your review.

[Audrey Howitt]

Here I was thinking it was someone in your head--

I wish you were dead
Get out of my head
Get out of my life
I am now the lie.

The last line in this stanza speaks volumes to me--the fear the disgust, the sense that anything is better than to be the lie--Maybe that wasn't particularly what you meant--but it is where I went with it

[eatmills]

Thanks for the comment. That particular stanza was about someone throwing away their values and own personal morals to become someone else and wants nothing more to do with the other character. If that is what you have taken from it by all means, be free to keep your own meaning.