Realist Senryu

Just a different spin on a common poem

Some roses are red,

Violets are blue; purple too,

Honest poems fail

Reviews

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

This speaks of the truth...honesty vs. creativity. LOL
BTW...some writers just follow the count of 17 syllables...and you still nailed it. This is still a senryu and not totally a failure.

Big things start from small things. You're doing concise poems today...later on, you'll enjoy poetry.
Nice job!

[Frieda P]

Well it doesn't follow the standard 5-7-5 of a Senryu, I guess that's the fail part, clever if so.

[Blue]

Hmmm... I like it when poets dare to twist the usual themes and come up with fresher and creative perspective. I'd like to know how you will revise the last line. I'm a bit confused on what you mean, though.

[Eddie Davis]

Actually, I changed it on-line, originally I had 'Realists make poor poets' but it was off a few.

[Blue]

I think that is whole lot better. But yeah, it has seven syllables. :(

[Eddie Davis]

I had to redo the last line as I messed up the syllable count.