Repercussions

Carn deals with the repercussions of sharing his tale.

35.

Repercussions

 

Mutt sat for a long moment shaking his head as he looked at his friend.

“Wow, I would never have dreamed of such a tale.”  He finally said as Carn stared bleakly into the fire, “So how are you now?”

Carn shrugged, “I feel… empty.   I’ve dreamed of telling that story, of letting someone else know about it, for years.   Now that I’ve told it, I just feel rather foolish for even telling it.”

“Foolish?   Why?”

“Because by telling it, nothing really changes.   I’m still a Bugbear and still frustrated.    I’ll confess something to you, Mutt:   Before I was cursed, I was very prejudiced toward all Goblinoid races.   That is probably the only good thing about this geis is that it has made me realize what it feels like to be hated and loathed.”

“So you were hoping that the Dragon would kill you?”

“Yes, I was most eager to die.   I knew I’d be released.”

“But surely there is something worth living for!”

Carn sighed, “Oh, I’m sure there is, but I’m weary of living like this.  Please don’t think I’m being selfish, my friend, but after almost 2,000 years of life as a Bugbear, I would welcome death.”

“You have other friends than just me, you know.   Snoe, Thorm’s sons, Aedric, Gamel, Aaron - even Amala, if you two didn’t butt heads during the time you two were together.”

Carn shifted nervously at the mention of her name, but thankfully Mutt didn’t see his reaction.

“I’m grateful for their friendship " and yours too, Mutt.    That’s not it.    I just feel somewhat outdated.   I feel like a rusted wagon wheel - I’m still turning, but I don’t really belong on any wagon.    Do you see what I’m getting at?    I think I’ve spent too long just surviving in this world.    I’m weary, my friend, and very tired of shambling around as a huge, hairy brute.”

“Hey, I understand, big guy, I really do.”

“Do you?   At least you are able to easily fit into normal sized rooms and can go through doorways without smacking your head.   Look at my hands, Mutt!   I can’t even play the Lute… at least not well!    That is torment for a Bard, to not be able to play an instrument.”

“You mentioned that there was another way to break the last curse - or geis- on you and turn you back into an Elf again.”

Carn looked down at the ground, “Yes, but it won’t ever happen.”

“Surely there is a way!”

“I doubt it, Mutt.”

“It seems to me, Carn, that you could at least train other people in the art of being a Bard.    I’ve never seen an actual Bard that could really cast spells by song.   Could you still do that?”

“Yes, actually I cast a few spells over the past two days by singing.”

“So you could still train others to do that!”

“I guess… but part of being a Bard is playing an instrument as well as the actual art of performing a song or a saga.    Bugbears don’t have the proper charisma to do that, and so I wouldn’t be much of a teacher.”

“You are giving up too easily, my friend.”  The Goblin told him, “I know you’ve suffered for 2,000 years, but you have a new chance here.    The Dullerms are forging a Kingdom here, you know.   Oh, I know there is still a battle with the Southern Empire’s legions, but I think that Yesh is on their side and that eventually they will win.”

“Carn, you helped bring this about by killing the Dragon!   Even without that demon controlling him, he would have been terrible to stop.   From what I heard from Duke Eleazar, you risked your life to stop the Dragon from destroying more of the Underdark.”

“It was no big sacrifice - I’ve lived long enough.”

“Have you?   It sounds to me like you really haven’t lived much at all - except when you were a student under your master or when you were teaching Sialia.”

“She died because of me, Mutt.    In fact, I might be the indirect cause of a lot of suffering.    The secret passage to the Underdark and the Drow raid that left Aurei an orphan - all of this was due to an ancient and secret line of communication between the Faesidhe royal family and the Underdark.”

“But how would this be your fault?”

“It all happened because of Celathon’s hatred for me.    Then Sialia was lost looking for me.   I’ve heard a few of the stories about Duke Eleazar’s mother and his childhood from Snoe.   How horrible!    Aurei’s Drow family would probably not have been able to access the Faesidhe Tree if they hadn’t found a willing contact with Aedric’s father.”  

“He was a true descendant of Celathon!    Mazzikim’ruhin may not have been released into this world had there not been the curses placed upon me.   Indirectly, I could be responsible for hundreds of deaths!   Queen Eioldth, Thorm, Sirya and Aranthi - perhaps even Leah and Princess Joila!”

“Carn, you surely can’t blame yourself for all of this!”

“It weighs on me, Mutt.   Very heavily.   I don’t think I will ever feel free enough to really feel happy.”

“Surely something must make you happy!”

For an instant, Carn remembered his brief return to Westmark with Amala - after she had seemed to enjoy his company.    But she probably just felt sympathy for such a big, ugly brute.

“Not for long, Mutt.  I certainly don’t relate to most Goblin races.   I tried to speak to some refugees from some of the southern Orc and Goblinoid tribes who had come to Westmark, and they almost rioted.”

“Well, that is no surprise to you, is it?   You’re not really a Bugbear!    For heaven’s sake, Carn, even I didn’t live amongst Goblins and we get along just fine.   But I don’t relate to other Goblins.   It was the environment.    You do relate very well with humans and Elves.”

“But I still won’t fit in.   I’ll be a freak, Mutt."

“So what do you intend to do?”

“I don’t really know.   Leave, I guess… wander off somewhere that they don’t know me.”

 

“I don’t think so.”   There came a voice from the mouth of the cave and Mutt and Carn turned in surprise to find Amala walking toward them.

“Oh no.”  Carn groaned, smacking his head with the palm of his hand.

“Oh, yes, Carnithum Lealomyhll.” She replied with a slight frown, “I heard your whole story.”

 

He looked surprised that she knew his name and she smirked.

“Oh, I know who you are now, Carn.” She said as she joined them, “Let me tell you a few things that you might not know.”

Carn began to protest, but she held a finger to her lips in warning and he fell silent.

“My father used to tell me about his life growing up in the Underdark with his mother.    He said that she constantly talked about her teacher, Carnithum Lealomyhll.    He said that his mother used to tell him tale after tale about the ‘Great Bard’ until he felt as if Carnithum was a saint of Yesh.”

“I asked my father once why she talked so much about him and do you know what he said?”

Carn stared at the ground and only shook his head in reply.

“He said, ‘Why, because she loved him, that was why!’”

Carn fiercely batted away tears from his eyes, turning away from the girl, “Oh.”

“But you knew that, didn’t you?”

He nodded, still shielding his emotions from her and Mutt.

“And you loved her, didn’t you?”

Again he nodded, wiping away tears in his embarrassment.

“Then if you loved her, why won’t you stay with her family?   Why are you so determined to run away?”

“I tend to be jinxed, Amala.”   He replied, still not looking at her, or even at Mutt, “I was a jinx for my mother, a jinx for my grandparents, a jinx for Eleazar Korbin, a jinx for Sialia…”

His voice choked up at the mention of her name and he simply turned and walked off in shame.

Mutt looked at Amala a bit awkwardly, “Um, I think I’ll go back and join the others in the tunnel.”

“They’re coming out in a while, but tell them I’m going to go and try to talk to Carn, okay?”

“Amala?”   Mutt asked.

“Yes?”

“Go easy on him, okay?   We both know how it feels to be different from most everyone else around us, as you are a Drow and I’m a Goblin.   But Carn has the added burden of guilt piled on top of him.    He needs a friend more than anything.   Yet he needs a friend other than me.”

 

Amala smiled and patted the Goblin’s head, “Don’t worry, Mutt, I plan to give Carn only two choices - either he stays in Westmark or I will chop him up into a hundred pieces.”   She patted her sword belt, “Snoe gave them back to me, so I can do it.”

“I’m not sure that is the right approach…”

“Don’t worry about it - I think he’ll listen to me.”   There was a slight glow in her eyes and Mutt suddenly realized to his amazement that the tomboy actually felt something - something quite strong- for his friend. 

He just stood there stunned, but Amala lifted up her skirts and gracefully ran across the rugged terrain into the night after the Bugbear.

 

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[Elina]

"...into this world had not there been the curses..." Perhaps, isntead, "...into this world had there not been the curses..."