My father laughed behind the camera while my mother turned up the volume on our old stereo. My favorite song blared through the speakers and I danced happily around the living room. The couch was my stage, as I bounced from it to the floor. I was so full of life then. The best moments in her car were the quiet ones. Sometimes, my grandmother was a better person when she didn’t speak, and the greatest comfort in her presence was the sound of her old, comfortable music through her speakers. Her harsh words make me grow up fast. I rushed to answer the knock at the door, and she poured in like a waterfall and went straight to my room. I met her in there and let her collapse into me, as I always would. I was in high school now. I was young and stupid, but we were young and stupid. The wind blew hard against my ears, as if it desperately was trying to tell me something. The cold tickled my arms and I remembered what it felt like that night. I was alive, my lungs full of life and song. We drove into the night recklessly, like lunatics, drunk off our own stupidity. I remember the feeling of belonging; and how it came as fast as it went- but for a moment, it was there, and I haven’t forgotten it since. I found myself in a hole I dug. All I could think about for a long time was if she tasted sweeter than I did. God bless the day I realized it didn’t matter anymore. I tried to reconnect with her; but we would never be as close as we once were. You were my light, but I let the sun set. I suppose if I never had, I would have never fallen in love with the moon. I still wonder sometimes if you’re still shining as bright as you used to. My moon, though! You lying on the playground in the cool spring evening, I was relaxed sitting next to you. I breathed in cool air and vapor, and let the quiet and your presence fill me. In a moment of courage, I let you read something I wrote about you late at night. You told me it was the most poetic way anyone had told you they loved you; and god, I do. When I look at you, all the noise in my head quiets into a steady stream of thoughts- all of you. I’ve never felt safe in my own skin, but when I’m melted into yours, I am finally at peace. I am home.
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